>> THE C.D.C. RELEASING GUIDELINES FOR THANKSGIVING
TRAVEL THIS PAST THURSDAY.
THEY'RE SAYING STAY HOME, RESIST TRAVELING LONG DISTANCES FOR
LARGE FAMILY FEASTS.
>> THIS YEAR COVID 19 IS FORCING AMERICANS TO MAKE THE TOUGH
DECISIONS TO SKIP THEIR FAMILY'S THANKSGIVING GATHERINGS.
WHILE PUMPKIN PIE AND FOOTBALL CAN STILL BE ENJOYED FROM HOME,
THANKSGIVING ISN'T THE SAME WITHOUT FAMILY.
INTRODUCING BLOW UP CRAZY UNCLE.
SIMPLY FILL HIM UP WITH AIR, ALONG WITH 10 OUNCES OF JIM
BEAM, AND LET CRAZY UNCLE DO THE REST.
>> WHY SHOULD GAGE BE ALLOWED TO GET MARRIED WHEN WINDHAM WON'T
EVEN TALK TO ME IN LINE AT THE CAR WASH?
I PAID FOR THE HOT WAX.
>> THANKSGIVING JUST WOULDN'T BE THE SAME WITHOUT QUIETLY
GRITTING YOUR TEETH AND PRAYING FOR IT TO BE OVER.
>> SO JOE BIDEN CAN CALL HIMSELF PRESIDENT-ELECT, BUT I CAN'T
CALL YOUR AUNT RONDA BECAUSE OF THE RESTRAINING ORDER?
DEEP STATE.
>> AND JUST LIKE YOUR ACTUAL CRAZY UNCLE, HE DOESN'T KNOW
WHEN TO LEAVE.
>> IT'S PRONOUNCED KAMALA.
CASA BLANCA?
NO, IT'S KAMA, THEN LA.
KOOKABURRA?
YAHTZEE.
>> THIS IS SETTLERS OF CATAN.
( BELCHES ) >> BLOWUP CRAZY UNCLE.
BECAUSE A FAMILY THAT INFLATES TOGETHER CELEBRATES TOGETHER.
>> YOU KNOW ANY FEMALE SEX DOLLS YOU CAN SET ME UP WITH?
HELL, GIVE ME A BEACH BALL.
I'M NOT PICKY.
>> Announcer: IT'S "A LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT.