There's a lot of people that are upset
about a lot of things these days.
You know, people are arguing about
whether they should get vaccinated or not.
Have you gotten vaccinated?
Yeah.
[Conan O'Brien] Yeah.
I'm up for it, too.
I'm like if they like trying to kill me,
which doesn't, that conspiracy,
I love a conspiracy, doesn't make any sense.
You don't think the anti-vax conspiracy lines up.
That they're secretly trying to kill all of us
for population control? No, because what they would do,
they would be killing all what they call the sheeple.
So all the people who'd be like, all the people that go
"what are we supposed to do? okay."
They're going to kill us.
[Conan O'Brien] Right.
And then just be left with all the Fonzies
with their leather jackets.
(attendees laughing)
Who don't want to, who are too cool to listen to people?
Like, then they've got a nightmare. Who's gonna,
(Conan laughing)
who's gonna dig their ditches for 'em, so?
[Conan O'Brien] Yes!
It just doesn't make, I mean,
if you want to say that they're gonna come up with something
to thin the herd, I will go with that.
But they would never do a pointed attack on people
that are gonna do whatever they say.
Yes, yes, they're eliminating the wrong group
if this is the plan.
So maybe they vaxxed us sheeple
so then they can have a second COVID
(beep) thing come up to kill all the cool people
that hit a jukebox and it turns on.
(audience laughing) (Conan clapping)
So anyone who's anti-vax is a Fonzie.
That's what you're, they're just all Fonzies.
Look at me, look at me.
We have a couple of Ron Howard sitting here, right?
[Conan O'Brien] Sure, yeah, we're Ron Howard.
You look Like him at a younger age.
I look like him now.
(Conan laughing)
I like to think I'm the Oscar winning director Ron Howard.
You're still Ron figuring himself out.
I'm Ron, I'm still, I'm towards the end
of the happy days Ron, I might direct a movie.
Right around when he started dating Lori Beth.
(Conan laughing)
Sorry. That was a deep cut, Lori Beth.
Yeah, okay, so the problem is in our culture now,
if you have a weird belief, you can find a source
that caters to that belief and you don't have to
read anything else because the internet.
Yeah, it's called the internet. Yeah, that's why
I don't listen to anybody's theories anymore,
unless I just go - did you get this information
at the library?
[Conan O'Brien] Yeah.
Okay, if you got it at the library, I will listen to it
because the library has the decency to break up information
between non-fiction and fiction,
(Conan laughing)
meaning this happened and this is just some sh*t
people made up.
You go on the internet, everything is presented as
nonfiction and that's why I do it.
In my lifetime for the, I'd say for the first 47 years
that nobody thought the Earth was flat. Right?
[Conan O'Brien] Right.
And in the last five years
all of a sudden people are, you know, coming out telling me
there's an ice wall that you can go look at like this
these ice walls, like we're in giant, basically
in this giant bowl of, I don't know, cereal or something.
[Conan O'Brien] Yeah.
But then once again, I'm like, alright I'll go with that.
But like, what is the upside to telling me a sheeple,
Ron Howard, right, that the world is round
when it's really flat.
[Conan O'Brien] Yeah. Yeah.
What is the upside of doing that?
Right, why trick us? Why deceive us?
Yeah. What do you get out of doing that?
And they can't seem to answer it.
I go, what you need to do is get a pilot's license
and go for your instrument rating.
And then when you see VOR signals and realize one
of the things that blocks it is the curvature of the earth,
You'll stop trying to rent a boat to go look at the (beep)
ice wall.
(laughing)
You know, people are flipping out about masks
and on both sides, like there are people that say, you know,
I shouldn't have to wear a mask, I don't want
to wear a mask, I don't buy it.
And then there are people that
I love those people
What? You like the people that flip out?
Yeah. Don't wear it.
[Conan O'Brien] Yeah.
Don't wear it. Go kill yourself. It's awesome.
Because I have to be honest with you.
I know a lot of people died from COVID
but I'm starting to see the traffic come back.
And I selfishly thought, I wish it killed a few more.
(laughing)
I'm being honest.
God.
It's an honest selfish thought that I had.
So just specific commuters, we've got to be clear here,
No, people that I don't know or love,
that I would never miss. It's 100% selfish.
(Conan coughs)
Okay. You just want to
You know what's funny is when I looked out there,
all the real people were like this
and all the cardboard people are still.
So I think overall, I think it made sense.
[Conan O'Brien] Yeah.
Kevin Hart agreed with that one. All four of them.
[Conan O'Brien] No. Three of them went for it.
One of them just covered his face.
Didn't want any part of it.