So I want to start today's video with a little bit of an analogy
It's a story that a friend shared with me and it really stuck
So, let's take this cup of water
This cup has a weight could be something like 16 ounces or half a kilo
but the weight of the cup actually doesn't really matter too much because how heavy
It's going to feel to me depends on how long I hold it up for for the first few seconds
Holding it up might be really easy
But then as we kind of move into me holding it up for a couple of minutes
My arm might start to ache and shake and the cup is going to start to feel heavier in my hand
If somehow I manage to push through and hold it on for longer still
My arm's going to start to feel paralyzed and eventually I am going to probably succumb to the weight of the cup
And so a similar thing can be said as well for any difficulties
And fears worries that we experience in life just like the cup if we hold on to these thoughts and feelings for a moment
It might not do too much
But if you hold on to them for longer still, they might start to weigh on us and overwhelm us
So what we need to remember to do
Is to put the cup down
So I thought that was a really beautiful story when she shared it with me
But then kind of immediately my thought went to yeah, okay
but how do you put the cup down because it's a lot easier said than done and I think a lot of us tend to
distract ourselves in all sorts of ways from the fact that we're even holding on to a cup to begin with
but if we do want to put the cup down one of the first things
That we want to hopefully do is to become aware of when and how we distract so recently. I was listening to this audiobook
It's called the places that scare you it's by pema children and that's exactly one of the things that she discusses is the ways
That we try to escape our fears and our worries by distracting ourselves
And we do that by attaching ourselves to something she calls the three lords of materialism
So the first lord of materialism is the lord of form
And this is where we tend to attach ourselves to some physical thing that is outside of us
In order to distract from what's really going on inside. So if we're feeling like we're stressed or anxious
Insecure we might start to turn to watching tv we might pick up our phones smoke drink eat
Shop, we read a book we go into nature
And some of these methods are seemingly harmless. It might not seem like it's a big deal
But what we are doing ultimately is we're distracting. We're still holding the cup up, but we're distracting from the fact that we are
The second lord of materialism is the lord of speech and this is when we attach ourselves to certain beliefs
This could be in the form of labels or groups certain ideologies and we do this to kind of create a sense of security
And while there's nothing wrong with a belief in itself
It's when we take refuge in lord of speech that we tend to create
This feeling this sense of self and other and with that what usually follows is also a feeling of right and wrong
Good and bad and so we might not address certain
Insecurities that we feel jealousy maybe anger or frustration with ourself and this other person or these other groups
because
Instead of reflecting inward we tend to project outward
We might judge people who see the world differently than we do and we take some comfort in believing that they're wrong
And we have it. All right
The third lord of materialism is the lord of mind and this one kind of comes about anytime
we try to achieve a heightened state of mind in order to
overcome the uneasiness
Of life and we can do this through a few different ways. It could be through drugs through lust sports
um intense spiritual practices
And just like before the heightened mental states in themselves. They might not really be the issue. What's more
potentially harmful is their addictive quality and these states of mind are really alluring because
They seemingly give us this escape from the mundane experiences of day-to-day life
And there was a quote from pema that I really liked where she says that since it's inevitable what goes up must come down
When we take refuge in the lord of mind, we're doomed to experience disappointment
So now we know that there's these three different ways that we tend to distract ourselves and we create this illusion of security because it's
Things that we feel like we are in control of but all the while we're distracting from what's really going on
Inside and so we're still holding the cup up and with each passing moment. The cup is getting heavier and heavier
And so if we want to put the cup down again
we need to realize and this is something i'm still practicing a lot and I think
We always will I don't think it's something that we master at any particular point
I do think it's a lifelong practice
But what we want to try to do is to become aware of when and how we distract distract me distract me
Talk to me. How was your all right. Alex. Usually what are you doing this weekend?
i'm doing nothing this weekend, so
Can we massage it we never said we couldn't no
No
We never said and I feel like since having learned about these three lords of
Materialism i'm starting to recognize and label
sometimes even out loud to robin anytime i'm seeking refuge in one of them like if i'm going to reach for my phone when i'm
Clearly trying to distract from something i'm like yeah. Okay, that's just me giving in to the lord of form
Or if i'm a little bit frustrated at the way someone is describing something because they clearly see the world very differently than I do
and i'm starting to feel
Like i'm getting angry because i'm not agreeing with them. I'm like oh, okay. That's actually me
Just seeking refuge in the lord of speech and that awareness is already huge
I mean it might not be something that we can do all the time and it's something like I said
It's a lifelong practice, but it's already a step in recognizing the when and the how of our distractions
When we become aware that we're distracting then we can start to explore the why are we even distracting in the first place?
And ultimately the putting the cup down
How we really do that is to learn to stay and sit with those feelings and those emotions
as difficult as that might seem and when we sit with those feelings
We have the opportunity to decrease how much it weighs on us and we do that by looking for middle ground
Like when we tune into those feelings those emotions we try to avoid labeling them as good or bad or right or wrong
We just observe them like if we take the rain for instance
For one person the rain might bring about a feeling of stress because they were planning a picnic
but for another person it might bring about a sense of relief because they forgot to water their garden and now it's
taken care of
These are two polar opposite feelings that are brought about by the exact same cause the rain
It just is but we're the ones that assign meaning to it
And so the same is true for our thoughts and our feelings and emotions
As they arise when we sit with them we can look for the middle path
and try not to get carried away by the extremes the extremes being
attraction and aversion
But this is obviously a lot easier said than done
And I think especially so when we're dealing with really painful emotions
And it's only natural that when we feel those things that we erect these walls to protect ourselves
But what we want to try to do instead of letting those experiences harden us
We want to try to let them soften us and this is kind of the main
message that pema shares in her audiobook instead of being harsh or
Judgmental, we can look at these feelings with a loving kindness and with compassion
with
lightheartedness
Maybe even a sense of humor because it helps us in recognizing that these hardships
It's just part of the human experience and it helps us become more connected with ourselves and with others knowing that these struggles
They're not ours alone
This is just a little snippet a little chapter
Out of pema's audiobook and it's really worth listening to I personally thought it was incredibly refreshing. It has a very healing
gentle kind but also like a no-nonsense approach to
confronting the things that scare us and the audiobook teaches us how we can
See these problems as opportunities and how we can learn to be present with them in difficult times
So I highly highly recommend it and many
Thanks as well to our friends at audible for partnering with us on today's video
If you want to check out the link in the description box below or visit audible.com
Forward slash pick up limes you can get the book completely for free
Or if you prefer another audiobook you can snatch that instead plus you'll get a 30-day
Free membership and right now all audible members get unlimited access to the entire audible originals monthly selection
Which is just an amazing thing to listen to while you're working maybe while you're cooking cleaning going for a walk
It's just a wonderful way to learn new things, but I think that's it for today
I am curious though. Now that you know about the three lords of materialism
Do you feel like you can already identify with which one you seek refuge in more often?
Maybe it's one of them more than the others
So is it the lord of form the lord of speech the lord of mind if you're feeling up to it?
Maybe you can share that in the comments below because again, I really think that there is a sense of comfort that comes
From knowing that this is something we all do it's it's something that connects all of us in a way
So i'll see you guys in the comments. Hope you enjoyed today's video. Thanks so much for being here pick up limes signing off
And we'll see you next time best. How long do you think we can hold it for five minutes? That's too long. That's too low
That's really wrong I think four no you don't need to go three two
You want to put it down my my hip is cramping even
Ah good job good job. Five minutes. You're right. Yeah