♪ [soothing music] ♪
>> Holy cow, Jason Murphy, it's happening!
>> It's right there, it's happening right there.
>> It's real because--it's no longer talk,
it's no longer words.
>> It's been a lot of talk for a long time.
>> It's been a lot--okay, there is a lot
of behind the scenes stuff that you have to do,
but we're finally at the place where
we're actually building stuff.
This is going to be the world's largest outhouse.
It's going to be...
>> Yes!
Vomitorium?
>> Yes!
>> We can sit there and [cross-talk] >> Engorge yourself
and then go barf, and then come out.
>> Face to face, pooping together, co-poopers!
>> I'm not going to high-five that.
Here, come check this out.
>> All right.
>> This is the opening of like, every movie.
You got the beeping, and we should be wearing hard hats
and shouting at each other
about what's going to go where.
>> Yeah, and then they unearth like a dragon.
[laughing]
>> So, this is 40 by 50, and it's going to be
30 feet tall on one side, 20 feet tall on the other,
and it's going to have a split level loft thing in there,
so we'll have a second story
that we can either enclose or not.
But this is going to be huge,
and for some reason this is happening
before we have a [beep]-er.
Because we're still rocking the porta-potties over there.
>> We still don't have a toilet.
First thing is fixing the sound in here, right?
>> Yes, and then number two, so to speak,
is install a septic system.
>> We've got to be able to poop.
>> The fact is, we closed on this property six weeks ago,
and it still does not have a septic system.
We cannot poop at the world headquarters
of the Modern Rogue.
So they ask me, they're like,
"What do you want to do with all these trees we dug up?"
I'm like, "Eh." [wavering]
[laughing]
They're like, "How about we chop it up into mulch?"
I'm like, that sounds like a thing--
>> Yeah cool, mulch, ooh it smells really good.
>> Whoa.
[struggling] Ah! No!
[exasperatedly] No!
>> Is this like a crossfit thing?
Is that what we're doing?
[laughing]
>> Oh my god.
So the idea is, we want to have concentric rings,
whisper lines coming out, so that it ends up
looking like a Stonehenge or something.
So you just have this feeling of like,
this is a gravitational well that sucks you in.
All right, so the septic people came out
and they dug, technically they were testing soil
in all these areas,
but now, in addition to everything else on the property,
we just have random graves dug everywhere.
[laughing]
>> Is that what that is out there?
>> All of them, all over the place.
>> Because I can't find those, and I was like,
"I'm really disappointed you're not letting me in on this."
>> It's really convenient.
Oh, also, I found out that we do not, as I thought,
we do not have a fox on the property.
We have two foxes on the property.
>> JASON: We've got to name them.
>> Oh, shoot, that's right!
No, they have to name them.
So this is where the septic system is going in,
[dog barking in distance] which means all of this will be very green.
>> That's fox poop, right there.
>> Yeah. >> Man, foxes!
Don't [beep] on the deck.
>> I mean, no, they're saying, that's their way of saying
"Howdy and welcome."
>> Oh, okay.
>> Inside nothing has changed,
we're going to do all of that
in the next two to three weeks,
so we expect a lot more updates coming up.
But in the meantime, oh! We've got a PO Box,
so if people want to help us decorate this place--
>> Is it down here right now?
>> Yes, it's down here right now in the place,
check the notes.
Oh, do you want to unwrap at the VIP event
that we did at the South by So Wasted?
>> Is there a gift? >> We got a gift,
and I said I didn't want to open it
until you were here because it was for both of us.
>> Is it family friendly?
>> I don't know.
>> I hope not.
Okay, some writing. >> BRIAN: Wait for it.
>> JASON: Is it dickbutt?
Oh, that's so sweet!
This is our version of love, live, life, love life,
or whatever.
>> It's our motivational poster.
Oh, I love it!
>> "Lie, cheat, steal," this is great!
>> Oh, that's good.
>> This is it, congratulations!
>> We need more decorations. >> Yeah we do.
So one of the ideas that I had was, I would love to fill,
because we've got three bedrooms,
we want to set them up as like
gentleman, warrior, scoundrel. It would be great
if we could get a collection of framed portraits,
so like Harry Houdini, and Bruce Lee,
and all that stuff. >> Yes, yes.
>> You know, autographed or... "autographed."
[laughing]
That was one of my favorite things
that I always did, is whenever I'd buy someone a book
I would always sign it as if it was the author
[laughter]
because it would make them happier.
And they'd be like, "Is this really signed by?"
And I was like, "Eh."
They're like, "Aw."
Right here, we'll set this up.
Okay, so I guess that brings us to our first unboxing.
I didn't think this was going to be a thing.
>> What do we got here?
>> You ever have an opportunity,
and you're like, that's just so perfect,
that definitely belongs at my place?
>> Absolutely, yes. >> Okay, we did that,
and it's this.
>> JASON: A guillotine, that was mine.
>> BRIAN: But I kind of got us a full set
of legitimate plate armor.
>> That armor is serious!
>> It's for reals. >> Ah man...
>> You want to open it up?
>> Finally, some proper safety gear.
>> This is for all the people complaining
about our lack of safety, we're going to be so safe!
>> Yeah, let's tear into this, huh?
>> All right.
Man, I ain't going to use a knife,
you might cut yourself with a knife,
I'm going to use my utili-key, available on scamstuff.com.
It's perfect for opening these packages!
So, this suit of armor belonged to John Teasdale
who co-created The Contender,
and he used it to cosplay as a character
called Attack Knight: The Night Attack Knight
That Might Attack Night Attack.
And the bit was, we would do the show,
but at any given moment we might say something
that might displease him, and he would get halfway up,
and get ready to attack, but never actually attack.
So he was always in that super position.
[VCR scrubbing]
>> Look at that! [metallic impact]
[VCR scrubbing]
>> Whoa!
[whoosh]
[VCR scrubbing]
[bassy hit]
♪ [triumphant music] ♪
>> Yeah!
♪ [dramatic swell] ♪
By the power... of Scam Nation! [electric crackle]
Here's what's going to happen.
You're going to start putting this on,
and I'll unpack the rest. [Jason hums skeptically]
No?
You don't want to get all knighted up?
You want to feel what it feels like
to get your ass kicked by a knight?
>> Do it!
[straining] >> Ah!
>> Yeah!
>> That was a lot of work.
>> That was exhausting.
>> But worth it.
Behold!
>> The rogue knight!
>> Rogue knight, come forward,
and claim your--do you need a hand?
Are you going to hurt yourself?
There you go, he's a very decrepit old rogue knight.
>> He's been in that suit of armor for a very long time.
>> Who on earth?
>> BOTH: Trever Fehrenbach?
[laughing]
>> How do you smoke in this thing?
[laughing]
>> Dude, we have a freaking suit of armor!
How does it feel?
>> I'm living out one of the weirdest fantasies
I've ever had.
[hearty chuckle]
This is like my childhood come true.
>> You look phenomenal. >> It's all happening
faster than we ever dared dream.
So, let's hear from you guys, what do you guys want?
This is uh... this is--
Kill him, now!
[murmuring indestinctly]
>> I'm knighting him.
>> Oh, good.
>> The first knight-- >> The first of his name.
>> You're supposed to kneel, but, I'm not going to make you do that.
>> I don't think I could kneel
and get back up right now.
[laughing and clapping]
>> That's a true modern rogue.
>> Yeah, exactly. >> I don't kneel!
Because I can't.
-- CC BY REV -- ** MODIFIED BY BIZARRE MAGIC **
>> This is the tallest I've ever been able to see the view!
>> What are we looking at?
>> Joy Behar.
[rolling through a mental rolodex]
Star Jones.
[laughing] No?
>> I'm going to throw myself to my death.
>> Okay. [laughing]
Thank you, Bryce liked it, that's fine.
>> I see all these opinions!
>> Ah, Whoopi Goldberg.