Iʼm filming this late at night and weʼre talking about love.
Hey guys whatʼs going on?
Trisha Hershberger here and before we jump into this weekʼs Naked Truth I want to
thank our Naked Army Vloggers from last week.
Thats Kavaja, Christopher, Richard,
Hannah, Colin, Prescott & Kristen, Sheryl, Sarah, Jenny, Lawrence and Jayms.
Thank
you guys all so much for sharing your various nerd hauls from whatever conventions
youʼve been to.
If you want to check those out they are linked in the description below.
This week we are talking about a topic that has been requested about a bagillion times
but the most recent one that I have on file was from Nelson who said “What is your
opinion on friends with benefits?”
And as someone who it took a long time to find their
person I have dated a lot and I have many many experiences to share regarding online
dating, all different types of dating and so friends with benefits Iʼm like “Alright
I feel like I
have a pretty good handle on this one.”
The big question I know Nelson asked what are
my opinions on friends with benefits but I think the big question on everybody's mind
is
can friends with benefits actually ever work?
And Iʼm going to go out on a limb and say
yes it can.
Even though both times I tried it long term did not work for me.
One was
closer than the other let me explain.
So I think the biggest thing as far as making friends
with benefits work in your life is honesty and I know that sounds like a cheap cop out
answer but itʼs not because itʼs all about not only honesty with your partner but honesty
with yourself.
Thatʼs what will make or break this situation for you.
And so I had like I
mentioned two experiences with this and the first time I got into a friends with benefits
situation I honestly think I wasnʼt being true to myself.
So it was a situation where I
thought I wasnʼt looking for a relationship at the time and so a friend of mine who I
was
attracted to and who was attracted to me we were like, “Hey we can do this,” I was
still
really in my early twenties and I had only even been in monogynous relationships I was
like, “Yeah I can be a Sex in the City girl.
I can do this and be totally casual about this,”
and I very quickly realized in this situation I couldnʼt.
And I think the reason it didnʼt work
out for me is because in fact I was looking for something more meaningful I just didnʼt
want anything more meaningful with this person.
And so then when I indulged in the
benefits part of the friendship I just felt really icky about it and I couldnʼt even
enjoy the
benefits and it was just kind of bad for me all around.
And then I found out later that my
friend who I was in this relationship with did have more feelings for me and so he wasnʼt
really being honest with me or himself about that and because we werenʼt upfront about
everything with both ourselves and each other it didnʼt work out.
That ended really
quickly.
And then the second time I was in that type of relationship was with a friend who
was incredibly good looking.
I was very attracted to this friend and I was very recently
burned pretty bad from a break up and it was a really bad breakup like cheating and all
that kind of stuff and so I was very like, “I donʼt want a relationship.
Screw love.
Love is
for fairy tales itʼs not real I donʼt need that,” and this friend who I had at the
time was
kind of a commitment-phobe and he was not looking for any type of serious relationship
at all.
He had just moved to LA he was ready to enjoy his youth as a free young single
guy but we were both attracted to each other and we were friends and we were like,
“Hey you know weʼll give this a go.”
And at least for a little while in the beginning it
worked out okay and I would say a little while meaning a few months but then I found
myself over time even though in the beginning I was very honest with myself and him
about yeah I definitely donʼt want anything over time that did change and I was getting
to the point where I did want a relationship because I was spending so much time with
this friend who I was attracted to.
I thought do I want a relationship with this person?
And I kind of thought maybe I did even though all the signs pointed to the fact that we
were the least compatible people in the world and it would have been a miserable
tumultuous relationship if we ever did try to have a real relationship.
Like fundamentally
we thought so differently about so many different things it would have never worked out.
But because I checked in with myself and I was like, “Hey how am I really feeling?”
and
I realized that you know either I need to try for a relationship with this person or
I need
to get out so I can look for a relationship with someone else because I was at the point
where I did want that meaningful relationship.
And so I was honest to myself about it
and I got up the courage to talk to him about it.
And when I said, “Look we need to end
this because I feel like maybe Iʼm getting more involved than I initially wanted to be
and
I feel like you donʼt want that,” and he was like, “Yeah you know I still definitely
donʼt
want a relationship.”
I donʼt know if he had said lets try to make it work if maybe I would
have tried even though ultimately it would have led to disaster for sure so itʼs kind
of
nice that he said, “No lets just leave this as a friendship,” that was really smart.
It ended
then I would say it was probably four or five months so it did in theory work for a period
of time but then it ended.
And the reason I say itʼs so important not only to be honest
with your partner because honesty is important and you donʼt want to hurt your partner
by intentionally misleading them itʼs so important to be honest with yourself because
I
feel like the biggest danger people get into when they get into a friends with benefits
situation is they end up getting hurt because maybe they thought well I really like this
person but theyʼre not ready for a relationship so Iʼm just going to say that I want friends
with benefits or vice versa I donʼt really want I relationship but I think that they
do but
theyʼre saying theyʼre okay with it so thatʼs on them.
None of those situations are great
and unfortunately I think that a lot of people who get into a friends with benefits situation
know that thereʼs something that one or both parties are not being fully upfront about
and choose to look the other way and thatʼs why you see so many of those situations
end in utter chaos.
So I do in theory think that friends with benefits could work but only if
both parties are completely upfront and honest with themselves and with each other and
I think that the situations when that actually happens are incredibly rare.
So my question
to you guys is do you ever think friends with benefits can work?
If youʼve been in that
type of situation before and youʼre comfortable sharing please share your experiences
because we can all learn from each other.
And if you havenʼt been in that situation
before thatʼs totally fine.
Let us know how you think you would react in such a situation.
Let us know why or why not you think this would work.
And you can do that in the
comments section or in a Naked Truth Vlog of your very own.
You can upload it and
then send me the link using the For Business Inquires in the About section of this
channel.
Also if you guys have a Naked Truth topic suggestion please leave that in the
comments below and I will add it to the list.
Iʼm always looking to you guys for what we
should talk about so this is our community and our discussion forum together.
So thank
you guys so much for watching this week and I will see you next week.
Bye.