- Are you ready to turn your fear into power?
Do you have an overwhelming fear of failure?
Does this fear keep you from living your dreams,
trying new things and being the best version of yourself?
After you become aware of this fear
and decide that it is not serving you,
how do you get that fear
out of the driver's seat of your life?
The overall process of moving through the fear of failure
is one of separating your worth from being right
and having the answers.
That process will be a personal journey
of becoming aware of the worth ties that you have,
what they are attached to,
and building the belief and then the knowledge
that you're worth and value is innate.
You brought it with you
and has been inside of you this entire time.
The knowledge of your innate worth has been buried
underneath the fears
and insecurities of your life experiences.
It is a process of learning
that attaching your worth and value as a person
to something outside of yourself that you cannot control
isn't real truth, but it's also not serving you.
The beautiful thing is once you have this awareness,
you also have the ability to make a choice.
This wasn't a choice you could make before
because you didn't even realize this was an option.
It was a blind spot.
A word of caution when experiencing the dawn of awareness
regarding something you were previously completely blind to,
self-judgment will rush in so hard and so fast.
The weight of it might feel defeating.
This is where we are going to turn to the powerful tool
of compassion for ourselves,
because what will happen if we are not aware
and mindful of the obstacles
that will show up in our path
while we are on our journey of growth is,
the obstacle might feel insurmountable
and completely stop us in our tracks.
But if we are aware
that the obstacle of self-judgment is going to be there,
we can prepare and manage our expectations.
Then it isn't a surprise, and we can welcome the judgment
for coming along for the journey at times
allowing it to teach us any lessons that will be valuable.
Thank it for the lesson and then let it go
on its merry little way.
Judgment does not need to stay in our lives.
We do not let judgment or fear
get in the driver's seat of our life.
Here's the truth, though.
There are many times which we have let fear,
or judgment, or our insecurities be the driver of our life,
not even knowing that's what we were doing.
We were missing the awareness piece.
Quite often when we are unconsciously doing something
that isn't really serving us,
we are in a place of reacting
instead of responding to our life.
When we are in this place of reacting instead of responding,
it's because we are missing a crucial space piece.
The space I'm referring to
is the same one Victor Frankl talks about
in his timeless book, "Man's Search for Meaning,"
when he says,
"Between stimulus and response there is a space.
And in that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
But if we don't know that first we need that space
to then be able to choose,
how do we go about creating it?
We have to be aware first of what we are missing.
Then battle the self-judgment
that inevitably comes with awareness,
and go about the process of reprogramming our beliefs
about our self-worth and our value.
Once we no longer have our worth attached
to something outside ourselves, we are well on the path
to cultivating and nurturing the best version of ourselves.
What happens when our worth is tied
to something outside of ourselves,
people and experiences come along
and start pushing and pulling on our worth ties,
and we become like a string puppet being pushed
and pulled in our own life,
instead of being the captain of our own ship.
If this message resonates with you
and you would like step-by-step support with this process,
we have a wonderful seven-week program
called Innate Healing.
Click the link below to schedule a free 15-minute call
with one of our therapists
to see if it would be a good fit for you.
I also wanna support you as much as I can today
with tools and processes
on how to move through the fear of failure.
Here are some of my favorite things to do in the moment.
Box breathing.
It is a simple process of calming the nervous system
and returning to the present moment.
Okay, so I'm gonna teach you how to do this really fast.
This is so easy.
It's something I regularly do with my kids
if they're fighting and just in a place of arousal.
So "arousal," isn't a reference to anything sexual,
it just means your emotions are heightened.
And this is a powerful tool
for just bringing down those emotions
and calming that vagus nerve.
And it's called box breathing
because you're gonna draw a box in the air.
Okay, so here's what you're gonna do,
you're going to draw a box.
And the top line of your box is going to be your in breath,
and it's gonna be about three seconds.
And so you're gonna breathe in,(inhales)
and then you're gonna draw the side of your box
and you're gonna hold your breath.
And then when you get to the bottom of your box,
you're gonna breathe out.(exhales)
And then you're gonna draw the other side of your box
and you're gonna hold.
And so it's a simple process of breathing in,(inhales)
holding,
breathing out, (exhales)
holding.
And it doesn't need to be exact.
But I have my kids do that at least three times.
And what that does, doing three full sets three times,
is it completely calms down.
Well, it pretty quickly calms down the nervous system,
and I call it a 30-second meditation
because it brings you to the present moment
and it gives you some space,
the space that we've talked about.
And so that is a powerful easy tool
to use at any time anywhere.
The next tool that I wanna share with you
is questioning potential false or incongruent beliefs.
An incongruent belief is something that isn't true,
but in our heart, we've come to accept it as true.
And quite often, there's this knowledge
of this push and pull
that in our mind we might know one thing or think one thing
but that isn't the way we feel.
And that's what creates that pull
and that incongruent belief.
Recognize that the creation of these incongruent beliefs
are a coping mechanism.
If you experienced abuse or mistreatment in your childhood,
there's a good chance
that you took responsibility for that abuse.
And to some extent you thought
it was because there was something wrong with you.
And so as an adult, and with hindsight and understanding,
you logically know
that the mistreatment or abuse that you received
had nothing to do with you,
and it had everything to do with the abuser,
but in your heart, you still feel like you're responsible
to some extent.
That is a perfect example of an incongruent belief
that is no longer serving us
but was a coping mechanism that you created in the moment
to survive and to make sense
of what you were experiencing.
This belief is a coping mechanism
that might have served a purpose once,
but it is no longer serving you.
Thank it for the part it played in your life and let it go.
Ponder on what you want to receive
in place of that incongruent belief.
Okay, the last tool I would like to share with you
is the process of writing three statements.
And these statements are:
I am grateful for.
I acknowledge. And my intention is.
Putting ourselves in a place of gratitude
completely shifts our perspective.
And I'm not saying that you should jump ahead
and pretend to be grateful
for awful horrible things in your life.
That's not what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about choosing things
that you are genuinely grateful for and you appreciate.
Because sometimes when we are stuck in this weight and haze
of incongruent beliefs, or shame, or guilt, or loneliness,
we forget the beautiful things.
And so take the time to write three different things
that you are grateful for.
And then the next step is "I acknowledge."
And these are things you acknowledge about yourself.
These are strengths that you have.
And so you're shifting that outward gratitude
for other things, or people, or experiences in your life
to inwardly, basically, acknowledging
and being grateful of your strengths and your attributes
and all the wonderful things that you bring to the world.
And after you have done the three statements,
or after you have done three "I am grateful for" statements,
and then three "I acknowledge" statements,
create three intentions.
And if you do this on a regular basis,
your intentions don't even have to be different.
They can be the same intention over and over again.
And here's a word of caution
when creating intention statements,
there are absolutely powerful tools
to use in your growth process.
But the intention statement is not focused on the outcome
or the result.
The intention statement is focused
on something that you can control.
An example of a not great intention statement is,
"My intention is that
my children will behave all day today."
You have no control over whether or not
your children will behave.
But what you can say is,
"My intention is to have love and patience
for my children today."
And that love and patience can look like a lot of things,
including taking a break when they are driving you crazy.
As you seek to learn, and grow,
and be the best version of yourself,
remember to give yourself grace and compassion
each step of the way.
Those who struggle with a fear of failure
are also those who are most black and white
in their thinking,
which naturally leads to judgment about right and wrong.
Don't misunderstand me.
I do not agree with moral relativism.
There is absolutely right and wrong in the world.
It's just that the majority of things we pass judgment on
aren't moral issues,
it's a growth, learning and life issue.
There isn't a right or wrong,
there is choice and the natural consequence of that choice.
And we all need the opportunity to learn and grow.
Inevitably, that growth comes with short-term failures
but major growth if we allow it.
I have a question.
Something you view as a failure, is it even a failure
if we learn, and we grow from it, and we're a better person?
My personal belief is that as long as we are learning
and growing and being a better person for our experiences,
that is success and not failure, regardless of the outcome.
Because the purpose of life
is not about doing the right thing at the right time
every moment of the day, whatever "right" is.
The purpose of life is growth and joy.
And that is something we can create each day,
regardless of what is going on around us.
Would you do me a favor,
if this video has been helpful for you,
would you share it with a friend or loved one
that could use this same support?
And remember to keep shining.
We need your light.
(upbeat music)