Hi guys, I’m Kya and I’m feeling the pressure for this one.
Pennywise the Dancing Clown is by far the most requested monster in the history of ‘How to Kill,’
so it’s high time we delivered.
Now, Pennywise is not your boilerplate serial killer.
It’s eternal, all-powerful, and utterly evil.
Basically It’s a god, and killing It is gonna be a lot harder than blowing up some tall guy in a mask.
But if a bunch of snot-nosed Losers can do it, so can you.
So grab your stun-gun,
thrust your fists against the posts,
and stare directly into the Deadlights,
because today we’re going to tell you
How to Kill Pennywise.
The first and most important tip:
Like Fred Durst said,
You Gotta Have Faith
(Please believe that I know George Michael actually came up with that.)
Anyway, it’s not easy to classify the terror that stalks the town of Derry,
but ‘psychic vampire’ seems pretty close.
At the same time It’s physical form is feeding on your dismembered limbs,
Hiya, Georgie!
on a different plane of reality, Pennywise is chowing down on your emotions.
It’s favorite dish? Tasty, tasty, beautiful fear.
Pennywise prefers to snack on children because their fear is so easy to manipulate,
Egg boy!
and It loves to shapeshift into whatever form horrifies them most.
He can show up as a teenage werewolf,
A creepy faceless lady from a painting,
and of course, your dead little brother.
Ahhh! 'Kay, bye.
At home, when Pennywise is chilling on the couch with a pint of Halo Top and the screams of dying children,
he kicks off his clown shoes and slips into the shape of a giant, monstrous spider.
Lemme just slip into something more comfortable and pull on like eight freaking legs.
Leg, leg, leg, leg, leg... Ahh...
Whenever It takes a form, it’s bound by the physical rules that apply to it,
including weaknesses,
as long as you believe.
When the Losers punch a hole in Pennywise’s skull,
it’s not really the slug that hurts It,
it’s their childlike, overwhelming belief that silver kills monsters.
The same way a kid just KNOWS Santa is real,
if you KNOW that Pennywise can be killed,
he can.
I just want them to kill Santa.
[OFFSCREEN] We already showed them how!
We showed you guys how to kill Santa, just do it!
Guys, I got presents for Christmas! Y'all fouled up with killing Santa! Allright, sorry.
Fear might nourish and strengthen Pennywise,
but your faith and confidence can hurt It like battery acid.
This is battery acid, you SLIME!
You could focus your belief behind totems like silver bullets, inhalers, or bolt guns.
Or you could just gang up on him and kick his ass.
I'm gonna have to kill this flipping clown. Welcome to the Losers Club, airhead!
In the remake, once the kids get over their fear and act as a unit,
They layeth the smacketh down on Pennywise using pipes, bats, even their bare hands.
The Losers beat him bad enough to send him into hiding for another cycle,
but sadly it’ll take more than a kick in the junk to kill him for good.
Fear.
The decisive war against Pennywise must be waged on two fronts,
so while your friends mess up his body on Earth,
you’ve got to
Fight It on It’s Turf
Now, this is all book territory,
so bear with us because we’re talking about concepts that are tough to express visually.
That’s because Pennywise doesn’t fully exist on our plane of reality.
His physical form crashed on our world millions of years ago,
but that’s only the tip of the iceberg.
I am eternal, child! I am the eater of worlds! And of children!
Pennywise talks a lot of crap. He's just like going on this rant and I'm like dude, chill, just kill these kids!
Like, they're scared, you're a floating clown head, that's enough.
It’s true essence is outside of our existence, in a realm called the Macroverse,
It’s closely linked to the ‘Dark Tower’ mythos, where it’s called ‘Todash Space.’
In King’s cosmology, it’s a vast void of nothingness that exists between various worlds,
occupied by unspeakable creatures and horrifying cosmic entities,
like the monsters from ‘The Mist,’
and, of course, Pennywise.
It’s astral form can’t be comprehended by humans.
Our brains interpret what we’re seeing as a living, writhing orange glow called the Deadlights.
Even through that layer of abstraction,
one glimpse is enough to drive you utterly insane.
Lose your little mind in my Deadlights!
But if you want to kill It, you need to face them sooner or later.
During the Loser’s first encounter, Bill gets some telekinetic help from Maturin,
a giant cosmic turtle that literally puked the Universe into being.
He tells Bill his only chance is to face Pennywise in the Ritual of Chud,
a Himalayan tradition where a Shaman and a shapeshifter staple their tongues together and have a riddle battle.
Bill and Pennywise have the same test of wills on a metaphorical scale.
His consciousness battles It’s true form across the vast depths of the universe,
and with an assist from the Turtle, Big Bill sends Pennywise packing for 27 years.
Grown-up Bill doesn’t have as much luck the next time around.
His giant ponytail might help him with the ladies,
But his childhood belief is gone,
the Loser’s Club is down a man,
I finally made it, guys! I'm in the Deadlights now!
and the turtle choked to death on a galaxy years ago.
Eddie sacrifices his life to yank Bill back to Earth,
and with the Ritual of Chud finished,
it’s time for the killing blow.
That’s right, that means it’s time to
Rip It’s Heart Out
So you’ve conquered your fear,
survived the Deadlights,
and now you want to finish this melon farmer off for good.
Well, this is the fun part.
Because now, all that’s left is a badly wounded cosmic tarantula,
and there’s no boot on Earth big enough to stomp it.
Except maybe a big plastic Paul Bunyan statue?
Nah that’d be too cheesy.
So gather all your friends,
The ones that aren’t dead or catatonic, I mean,
Then chase that sucker down and tear It apart.
While It’s spiritual self is reeling,
the Losers flip that sumbitch over and plunge their fists into its abdomen.
And when the frenzy subsides, Pennywise is deader than the Dark Universe.
[TOM CRUISE SCREAMING]
It took a 27-year ordeal for the gang to kill It,
but there’s always a chance the evil could return again.
Because Pennywise might not be the only member of his species.
And if you meet one on Mid-World, don’t even hesitate to
Shoot It in the Head
‘The Dark Tower’ series ties a lot of Stephen King’s books together.
It’s got Randall Flagg from ‘The Stand,’
the priest from ‘Salem’s Lot’
and, in the extremely weird last book,
the heroes meet the same kind of creature as Pennywise.
As they finally start to reach the titular Tower,
gunslingers Roland and Susannah come across a cabin with a limping, one-eyed old man inside.
He says he used to be a stand-up comedian,
and after he invites the two inside,
he launches into his routine.
In fact, until I was 16 I thought throwing up was a sign of maturity!
Y'know, while all the other kids were off in the woods sneaking cigarettes, I was behind the house with my fingers down my throat!
His jokes are lame, but soon our heroes are literally choking to death on their laughter,
as the man named Dandelo grows younger and healthier.
They're trying to save all the worlds and they're going to a stand-up comedian!
It's literally not the time for jokes! Whatever.
Word of God says he’s at least from the same species as Pennywise,
and possibly one of It’s offspring that Ben failed to stomp.
Just like Pennywise, Dandelo’s an emotional vampire.
He feeds off people’s laughter, joy, and sorrow,
And his true form is a nightmare monster insect,
In the book, Susannah comes to her senses after popping a boil on her face and finding a warning letter from Stephen King in the bathroom.
Did I mention ‘The Dark Tower’ is completely insane by the way? Shit gets wild.
Now that she knows what she’s dealing with,
she overcomes her fear just like the Loser’s Club,
and blows Dandelo’s head off with Roland’s revolver.
Which, by the way, is forged from the melted remains of Excalibur.
His guns are forged from the steel of the sword of Arthur Eld himself.
Because why the frick not?
That could be why Dandelo goes down way easier than his New England cousin.
But either way, he’s just as twisted.
But I like my killer clowns to think bigger.
Pennywise was the rotten, evil heart of an entire city for thousands of years,
and I still don’t believe a bunch of Losers could really finish him for good.
King has hinted that he’s still out there,
so I think I’m gonna pass on the slideshows for the time being,
But if you can’t stay out of the sewers, at least remember our guide,
because sooner or later, you’re going to have to kill this freaking clown.