-[Tracy] Good morning.
-[Ivy] Good morning. -How are you guys?
-Rested. -Rested?
-[Carlos] Well rested. -Well, there you go.
So I usually just like to take things
chronologically through yesterday.
Yesterday, um, was directed at Carlos.
What happened there?
Oh, my sister just verbally bombed it at me.
[chuckling] Yeah, she kind of did.
She actually said that I need to grow up.
Yes, she did say you needed to grow up.
She was very clear about that.
I'm getting the sense that she's a little bit dominating,
and I'm wondering if that's how it's always been.
Oh, she's always been a power trip.
Carlos has never been accountable.
And I will tell you, I am the matriarch
of the entire family.
So, you know, for him to have a problem,
it's always "Laurie bail him out."
That's just her personality.
She wants to be higher than others.
-Yeah. -For Ivy I worry.
I don't want her to wear the weight
of having to get him
to where he needs to be, because there will be times
where I can't pick him up.
If I don't pick my brother up when he's at that point,
he will be dead or in a cell.
And I made a promise he would never be dead.
And what happens if you try to move out of that spot?
I don't think she would let me out.
You're not responsible for Carlos' life and choices.
You haven't even given him an opportunity
to have real consequences.
It's not my decision
on what Carlos asks for help with.
-It's whether I choose to help him or not.
-Yes.
And that is my choice.
Those are my choices to live with.
She tries to paint Carlos in a negative light.
There's a superiority boost that she gets from that.
Absolutely.
[Tracy] This is one of those cases
where she can't let you out, only you can let yourself out.
The lock is on the inside.
Let's go to the tasks. How did those unfold?
So I had the five-year plan.
-Right.
-Everybody was slightly receptive.
Then it came to, "Are you sure that Ivy's
over her grieving process from the loss of her husband?"
With Elsa, her and Erick had a very special relationship.
They just melted together.
So again, when Erick died, there was lost on both sides.
Of course, and maybe she is not as conscious
of her grief process, and that's tapping on it,
you know?
Most people don't know that when they're triggered,
they actually think it's the other person
triggering them.
But it's something inside.
We can get triggered all day,
it's more about what happens in me
when this person does this thing?
So how was the family dinner?
Well, that's when things went kinda in
a different direction.
[Carlos] We had brought up the bachelorette party.
It ended up being at the end where Ivy was, like, you know,
"Well, what was the real reason
why you didn't wanna do it?"
I said it was trust.
That actually isn't necessarily a trust issue.
That's more like PTSD.
You relive a really painful experience in your body
when certain things happen,
like your woman's going out for even a night,
much less three days.
You know?
My question is, do you understand
that it's about your past?
'Cause what I'm understanding is,
every time the bachelorette party comes up,
boom, here comes that feeling in you.
[Carlos] I would agree.
My hardest thing is I don't know how to fix it.
There is no, like, fix like that.
Fixing it is actually not quite the right idea.
It's more like, "How do I live with this in a new way?"
"Right now I live with it in a way that causes discord
in my relationship,
I wonder if there's another way to live
with this."
Of course therapy's a great thing.
Meditation's a great thing. Yoga's a great thing.
But, to me, the real shifts happen
when I start to understand what is happening and go,
"Oh... Oh, I have a pretty serious wound
right there,
and now I'm being with it."
And when I've been able to do that, little by little,
I have huge freedoms, and it's that simple.
That's "fixing it," which is basically just being with it,
knowing what it is, as opposed to
not knowing what it is.
-Okay.