"Close your eyes."
[That always make me shiver] "You shouldn't have to touch me when I'm like this."
"I didn't even--"
--notice." [Now they are closed]
[They sometimes--] "Strong is fighting."
[--twitch--]
"It's hard"
[--.a little]
"...and it's painful"
"...and it's every day." [It sent me--]
[--to Heaven]
"Angel, when I look into the..."
..."future..." [With its--]
[--heat and power]
"...all I see is you." [I'll remember you]
"You have a heart?"
[That is all--]
[--that I--] "It isn't even beating!"
[--can do]
[But--]
[--I'll remember] "You still my girl?"
"Always."
"I love you."
['Buffy Guide' theme]
The episode opens with a telling shot of Angel winding a clock.
Angel is back from his visit to Sunnydale that was spurred on by...
...Doyle’s vision in the last episode,
...and Cordy and Doyle are watching him hawkishly for signs of depression.
"--if my ex came to town and was all stalking me in the shadows..."
"...I'd be--"
--"A little upset.”
Buffy who found out about Angel’s visit
...has come to have a conversation about it.
As the post-relationship Bangel speak begins to ramp up
...the two of them are attacked by a Mohra demon.
They team up and track it down into the sewers.
Buffy heads topside in case the demon went that way.
Angel is attacked,
...absorbs some of the Mohra’s blood
...and is turned human.
Angel is overwhelmed by the wealth of human sensations
...and tells Doyle he want to speak to the Powers That Be to find out if in fact he really is human now and why.
Doyle takes Angel to see the Oracles,
...speakers for the Powers that Be.
The gateway into their dimension is emblazoned in Greek with...
"'The Gateway for Lost Souls'...”
Now this is a major step in the development of the Buffyverse lore,
...formalizing the Powers That Be
...from a general idea
...to an actual character,
...so forgive me this tangent.
To this point,
Doyle’s verbal use of them might’ve been easy to accept as a...
...colloquial form of...
...“higher power”
...or God.
"I've been sent."
"-By the Powers That Be."
"Powers that be what?"
And it’s tempting at times to believe the show is actually using pieces of traditional Christian lore
...given some of the familiar iconography
...and the use of (the) words like...
..."Hell"
...and "demon".
While religion exists inside the show,
...I tend to believe the Sunnydale zeitgeist
...has simply absorbed some religious terminology to explain the way the show's very unique universe works.
Giles tells Buffy there are MANY hell dimensions,
in which case we can assume he simply means...
..dimensions of torment and misery.
Presumably then,
...there might be heavenly dimensions,
...or even many.
Buffy wears a crucifix
... but never makes any mention of faith or belief in a higher power.
To her,
...it is a tool
...as functional as stake or sunlight.
To top it off,
...ritual and ceremony,
...common trappings of religion,
...are most often employed by the forces of evil in 'Buffy'
- think 'The Harvest'
...or the raising of the Master in 'Buffy Season 2'.
Or even the Cruciamentum,
...which bears all the hallmarks of ritual and ceremony
...though Travers never labels it outright.
“But it’s been done this way for a dozen centuries."
"Whenever a Slayer turns eighteen."
"It's a time-honoured right of passage."
There’s also use of the word...
"soul",
though, whether it's...
...the moral compass
...or the seat of identity,
...we’ve seen it can be manipulated by magic powers.
Popped into a crystal.
Kicked into the ether.
It wouldn’t be surprising if it could be stored in a magic pot and lost.
The use of the word then is mostly one of convenience to the fiction
...and not intended to conform to any theology.
And so it is with the Powers That Be.
Eventually, I plan on doing a video dedicated to explaining Buffyverse mythology
...but I can’t say more now for spoilers.
Instead, I’ve linked to some 'Buffy Wiki' articles in the description.
I’m bothering to explain all of this
...because the first time I watched 'Angel',
...the Powers That Be
...and what we’re about to see here in the following scene,
...bothered me.
Partially, because it struck me as incongruous with the show’s rich philosophy.
And partially because...
...well…
GUY ORACLE: "Come before us,"
GUY ORACLE: "...lower being."
Angel enters and we see the Oracles are a pair of intermediaries for the Powers That Be
...that just came from the local dimensional renaissance faire.
CAMP
...is defined as,
...exaggerated and theatrical in style,
...typically
(though not always)
...for humorous effect.
When it comes to movie and television production,
...I think camp is often the accidental flame
...sparked by the friction between budget and ambition.
I learned two things from the 'Season 1 Buffy Guide'.
Camp...
...has a place in some people’s hearts.
And I don’t like it.
The Oracles tell Angel he is human for good
...and send him packing.
Angel,
...freed from his need for redemption,
...wonders what to do now.
"You can pretty much do whatever you want now."
“So the question is,"
"... what do you want?”
Angel steps into the sunshine,
...and embraces the one he wants.
The camera turns,
...and Buffy and Angel’s theme plays.
And theeeeen...
[tea pouring]
"Would you like some more?"
"No!"
"Thank you."
I love this,
...both the before
...and the after.
There is always a balance in the Buffyverse between...
...fantasy drama
...and the reality for the characters.
The writers do such a wonderful job of...
...keeping the two in harmony
...and acknowledging them both as necessary.
And here,
...Buffy and Angel both neurotically peer into this horse's mouth before...
[intense make-out session]
After three seasons of questions.
After three seasons of tension
...and some times of torment,
...this is the happy ending.
It’s lovely.
And joyful.
A free man.
A normal girl.
And cookie dough fudge mint chip ice cream.
I love this scene so much
...as for a moment it seems there is nothing in the whole world but the two of them.
But the truth is,
...there is one more thing present.
[vision attack]
And it’s time.
Doyle comes and tells Angel that the demon regenerated.
Mortal Angel goes after it alone
...and it kicks his ass.
Angel returns to the Oracles
...and asks if the end of times are coming,
...as the Mohra demon told him,
...and what happens to the Slayer.
"What happens to all mortal beings."
"Albeit..."
"...sooner..."
"...in her case."
“Then I’m here to beg for her life.”
They decide to reverse the last 24 hours to restore things as they were,
...in the name of keeping Angel as a warrior for their cause.
In order to prevent the day from happening exactly the same way,
...Angel is allowed the memories of the erased 24 hours.
The ensuing scene
... in which Angel explains all of this to Buffy is...
...well...
...let me get back to that.
The hour tips over,
...the day resets,
...and the happy ending is gone.
The Mohra demon breaks through the window
...and Angel uses time,
...in the form of the episode's persistent clock,
...to kill him,
...and with it...
...his own happy ending with Buffy.
I absolutely love the performances from Sarah and David top to bottom.
Having played these characters now for three plus seasons
...they imbue Buffy and Angel’s relationship with such a well of worn feeling.
These two characters know each other’s hearts and foibles
...and that familiarity drips off the screen,
...particularly early on.
I found their post-breakup talk especially convincing.
“You bailed me out last night."
"I’d like us to be even.”
"We’re keeping score now.”
This behavior started at the end of 'Buffy Season 3'
...as Buffy repeatedly tried to push Angel away,
"I don't get you."
[sigh]
"No, you don't."
"Not anymore."
“Are you just making this harder to make things easier on yourself?”
And I loved his observation then.
Post painful breakup communication is often defined...
...by a rigid avoidance of vulnerability.
Not revealing an inch of your wounded heart
...feels like it can stave off the chance of further bruises.
To his credit,
...Angel doesn’t engage with Buffy in quite the same way.
Buffy’s defenses here seem cold,
...but when the episode's turn occurs,
...they crumble
...and reveal the ache and desire she was keeping hidden.
But I do feel torn about some of the things in this episode,
...if I’m honest.
Maybe my ambivalence is part of the point here,
...as relationships that have ended are nothing but contradictions.
Good intentions on all sides
...and very different opinions.
Angel thought he did the right thing in not telling Buffy he was in Sunnydale.
Maybe...
...that was wrong.
He ended his relationship with Buffy in Sunnydale because it didn’t have a future for either of them.
Even Buffy thought maybe that was right.
And here,
...he makes the decision to reverse the day without her present.
Maybe it was wrong,
...but I think in the end,
...Buffy understands.
“I-I couldn’t tell you.
"I wasn't sure..."
"...I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning.”
"I understand."
Their final scene together is the height of their relationship to this point.
The episode is loaded with nods to Bangel moments throughout 'Buffy',
...and my favorite one...
...is here.
“I felt your heart beat.”
"Buffy."
This is one of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s best performances.
Supposedly, she became so swept up in Buffy’s anguish
...that for a moment,
...David Boreanaz forgot himself and started comforting Sarah and not Buffy.
"Oh God!"
"It's not enough time."
"Shh, shh, please."
[sniffles]
“(Sara,) please.”
"Please."
It feels like there were a number of season and show arcs initiated in this episode
...that may or may not have panned out,
... but it still doesn’t diminish the episode in my mind.
The Mohra mumbles a number of ominous and weirdly specific things including:
“--Mohra demon said the end of days had begun."
At this point in the Buffyverse,
Angel has already been personal witness to THREE potential end of days,
...and “soldiers of darkness” is vague enough to mean anything.
The Mohra’s monologuing could have meant something that might’ve been intended to foreshadow things
...but I’m going to go ahead and spoil a bit here saying,
...nothing obvious comes up relating to what he said,
...at least not in this season.
Though I’m sure we’ll be head-canon’ing in this video's comments.
There is plenty of commentary here I love.
Once Angel is human and has lost his heroic aspect,
...Doyle makes a telling statement.
"You can pretty much do whatever you want now."
"What do want, Angel?"
And initially,
Angel’s wants are all sort of...
...hedonistic and indulgent.
Ice cream.
Cookies.
And Buffy.
Now that’s not to say that Buffy means the same as a cookie
...but rather that meaning is usually irrelevant when it comes to our wants.
Our wants are these...
...indifferent things,
...a chorus of voices in our heads from every part of us at all times.
Heart.
Mind.
Inner reptile.
Shadow-self.
I want to be healthy,
...and I want a...
...cheeseburger.
I want to do good in the world,
...and I want to be with Buffy.
It is a meaningless din.
But according to the show's philosophy,
...real purpose comes from our commitments.
Our choices and the actions we take from them.
To this point,
...Angel’s curse
(both vampire and gypsy)
...has defined his circumstances
...and from that his calling.
With that all having fallen away...
“And I'm not sure what I am now."
"I don’t know what my purpose is.”
But, for me,
...the episode’s significant takeaway
...is time.
Angel may not see the pattern to his life yet
...in that there will always be another battle,
...but the tradeoff he has to make to be with Buffy
...means that he will NOT be a soldier in the next one.
As a flesh and blood man,
...in not waking Buffy,
...he tried to prove he could take on the Mohra.
To fight without super powers and so be worthy of fighting at Buffy’s side.
But he can’t.
And he knows that in the end,
...Buffy will pay the price.
Buffy and Angel are BOTH heroes.
And the path that makes them who they are is what will keep them from each other.
He doesn’t get to curl up in her arms and watch the sunset
...because there is always another sunrise.
Strong is fighting.
Hard.
Painful.
Every day.
And what this episode represents to me
...is Angel accepting the necessity of that path.
“How can we be together..."
"...if the cost is your life?
"Or the lives of others?"
Their burden...
...is the inevitability of time in the form of the next battle.
This the weight of the rock.
Another day.
And it’s a decision...
...that Buffy has had to make on her own journey as well.
In 'Season 2' of 'Buffy',
...her relationship with Angel was a constant distraction from her calling,
and there were many signs along the way to indicate the disaster that might occur
...should she compromise her own identity for Angel.
In the end,
...she too was left with a choice:
...to die in the arms of love,
...or to keep fighting.
[stab]
And Angel makes a similar sacrifice to be his true self.
In that sense then,
...him being the one left to remember their perfect day
...is not simply a burden
...but a reminder of the significance to his journey.
So much sacrifice.
Let it be for something.
There is some disharmony to 'I Will Remember You'.
It suffers from some of the growing pains of 'Angel'’s earlier episodes.
But at its core,
...there's a warm, loving heartbeat.
I’ve always admired the honesty to both of these shows.
Sometimes,
...it may seem that the Buffyverse writers have a cruel unwillingness
...to let these beloved characters have a happy ending.
But maybe,
...it’s just their unwillingness
..for them to have an ending,
...save for one.
Isn’t it something that they got to be happy,
...at least for a time?
More than anything,
I think that's what makes these characters the most...
...like us.
After all,
...we are all of us writers,
...of a fashion.
Composing the epic tale of our own lives with each pen stroke breath.
It’s a story in which many chapters close,
...but ultimately,
...the final ending is...
...predictable.
As Margaret Atwood said then,
...so much for endings.
Beginnings are always more fun.
True connoisseurs, however,
...are known to favor the stretch in between,
...since it’s the hardest
... to do anything with.
[Make me--]
[--shiver] “And I guess that’s all there really is to say.”
[Now they are closed]
“Yeah. [They just--]
[--sometimes twitch a little]
"That's it.” [It sent--]
[--me to Heaven]
[With its heat and power]
[That is all that I can do]
[But I'll remember]