Thank you.
As you can see, I am not Ellen DeGeneres.
But no worries.
Guess who is here as your guest host this afternoon?
People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive!
[CHEERING]
Yes, that's me!
[CHEERING]
Now-- stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Now, that's a new title for me.
I'm more commonly known as Chrissy Teigen's husband.
[CHEERING]
Everywhere I go on tour, every appearance I make,
I prepare for the look of disappointment
when people find out that Chrissy is working
or she's at home with the kids and she's not with me.
It's kind of like your look when you found out
Ellen wasn't hosting today.
[LAUGHTER] Think of my self-esteem, people.
Think of me.
Anyway.
[CHEERING]
The tables have turned.
Chrissy is now the wife of the Sexiest Man Alive.
[CHEERING]
She even updated her bio on Twitter.
That's how you know it's real.
"Currently sleeping with People's Sexiest Man Alive."
I hope that's a new update come to think
of it, because if not--
anyway, everyone-- everyone asks me
how it feels to have this new status.
Now, I have mixed emotions, because part of me
is grateful and excited to be in such elite company.
But the other part of me is completely
intimidated that I have to follow Idris Elba.
I mean, look at him.
[CHEERING]
And look at me.
[CHEERING]
That was me in 1995.
Very, very sexy.
Now, please take that down.
I'm not just a sexy guy--
I'm sorry, the sexiest guy.
I'm also known for other things.
I have an EGOT.
This is an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony.
Now--
[APPLAUSE]
You might know that, because I remind people all the time.
And I also have a Presidential Medal of Freedom.
[CHEERING]
Check this out.
Look at that.
Yes.
It's Ellen's.
I found it in her dressing room, and I'm keeping it.
Honestly, my greatest honor truly
is being married to the mayor of Twitter, Chrissy Teigen.
[CHEERING]
Her tweets are my favorite and sometimes most embarrassing
things I read on the internet.
For instance, here's one.
"John got wine drunk and sang a song at Universal Studios
last night."
Apparently, when I get wine drunk, something like this
happens.
(SIGNING) --loves all of me.
Love my curves and all my edges, all my perfect imperfections.
I give my all to me.
Yeah.
[APPLAUSE]
Now, I did not wear my onesie with my face on it,
but I did steal some wine from Ellen's dressing room.
Actually, it's my own wine brand, LVE wines.
You can find it at LVEwines.com.
[DING]
Yes.
And it's happy hour somewhere.
So obviously, it's time for me to drink a little wine
and serenade somebody.
What do you guys think?
[CHEERING]
Who can I serenade?
[CHEERING] Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
I saw a woman dancing in the audience before the show, who--
she really inspired me.
Where is she?
It's me.
Where is she?
Oh, there she is right there.
You, ma'am, in the yellow.
Yes.
What's your name?
McNesheye.
McNesheye, who are you here with?
My husband Ron.
Oh, Ron.
Hi, Ron.
Hey.
What do you do for a living, McNesheye?
I'm a retired claims supervisor.
Retired claims supervisor.
Sounds very sexy.
McNesheye, I want to serenade you.
So get over here.
[SQUEALS] [CHEERING]
I only need two things.
I need a piano and I need that bottle of LVE wine.
[DING]
Come here, McNesheye.
I'm going to serenade you.
Look at this.
You hang out right over here, and I'm
going to sing you a song.
I think we need to dim the lights, so I can set the mood.
And I'll do a quick vocal warm-up.
Mm, the LVE wine, very good.
Ask for it by name.
[DING]
Hey.
Now, I'm ready.
(SINGING) You wore a sexy yellow blouse
while you danced at The Ellen Show.
Oh, the way your body moved and grooved,
I just had to say hello.
You're a retired claims supervisor here
with your husband, Ron.
Oh, and if neither one of us was married,
ooh, we could get it on.
[CHEERING]
It on, it on.
Oh, McNesheye, I Mc-wisha I could be with you.
Oh, McNesheye I'm in love.
I don't know what to do.
Oh, McNesheye, I want to give my all to you.
But McNesheye, my wife is Chrissy, and she would kill me.
So I think we're through.
Oh, ooh, McNesheye.
Oh, ooh, oh, I wish-a.
McNesheye, everybody.
Hi, I'm Andy.
Ellen asked me to remind you to subscribe to her channel,
so you can see more awesome videos, like videos
of me getting scared or saying embarrassing things,
like ball peen hammer, and also some videos
of Ellen and other celebrities if you're
into that sort of thing.
Ah!
[SCREAM]
[BLEEP] God!
[BLEEP]