This is almost like magic.
There are 5 phrases that you can use to change someone's mind.
-It's like Jedi mind powers.
-I've got my buddy, Emil Harker here today.
He knows these secrets.
And all 5 of them are powerful in a relationship and communication.
Emil, what have you figured out about this?
-Well, there are some things that people gets stuck with in certain situations, relation
situations and they don't know what to say.
And so, they don't say anything.
And they lose their power in the moment.
-But there are some phrases that you can use that we get in to that.
-Right.
-And open their mind.
-And people, once they've made a commitment about what to think and what to believe, they
don't want to open their mind.
What they want to do is find information that supports their own position.
So, these 5 phrases kind of walk someone right through the process of opening their mind
so they can change it.
-Nice.
-Are you ready?
-Yes.
Give us the first one.
-So, the first one is we have to object to what they're saying.
Now, we don't explain why we're objecting.
We just say, "Hmm..
I just don't see the same way."
Okay.
What that does is it puts a little bit of bait on the hook.
Because anybody that's around is going to say, "That person does not agree with this
statement or this idea."
And now, they have to ask, right?
Which opens their mind or they have to ignore it.
It doesn't matter if they ignore it or not.
Because we got 3 more before we set the whole big one, okay?
-Yeah.
So, psychologically, that kind of opens the door a little bit?
-That's right.
It creates a little bit of a question in their own position.
-Okay.
Well, I'm curious.
Where do we go from there?
-Okay.
So, the second thing that we do is we ask a question.
We ask them, "Are you sure about that?
What makes you so sure?
Why you're so positive?"
The question itself tells the person that you're talking to that you don't agree.
But you're not being objectionable.
You're not being disagreeable.
What you're letting them know is there's another position that they haven't explored yet.
-Now, that's got to be handled in a tactful way.
-Right.
-Because if we jumped on it as an attack then they're going get defensive.
-Yeah.
If your tone is "What makes you think that?"
Well, that's attack.
-It's kind of like, "What's wrong with you?"
-Yeah.
-"You're an idiot or something?"
Right, you can't do that.
-But it's a real question.
It's like...
-Truly.
-"What makes you think that?"
-Because if you're confident about your position, then you know that there's another angle.
And they don't know what that angle is.
If you don't make them feel safe, then they're going to run away.
So, you say, "Tell me about that.
What makes you so confident about that?"
And automatically, they're like, "Oh, maybe I'm not so confident."
Okay?
-Wow.
-The 3rd step is you're going to ask a question to see if they're open minded.
Get permission.
"Hey, would you like to know a different point of view?
Are you open to a different way of looking at it?"
-I like that one.
"Are you open?"
-Because there's social pressure here.
The social rules are you can't say no to that question.
-Otherwise you're closed.
-And no one want to admit they're closed-minded, right?
So, what you do is you ask for permission if they like to see or hear a different point
of view.
Which the more people around, the more that social pressure is for them to say yes.
-Right.
-And once they say "Yes", it's kind of like that..
If you've ever watched The Voice, right?
If you've watched The Voice, right?
What do the judges do?
The judges are like stressing out.
Should they turn around?
But as soon as they pressed the button, they spin around.
What do they always do when they turn and look at at the person that's singing?
They're committed.
It's their best decisions ever.
Right?
-Yeah.
-So, when they say yes, they already making a commitment to open their mind.
And so, now it's kind of like fertile soil.
Now, to really get the soil ready, we do the fourth step.
-Okay.
-And that's to summarize their position.
-Oh, yes.
-Because you really want to make sure that they know that you know what they've been
saying.
So, you just summarize.
"So, what you're saying is..."
And you walk them through what they're saying.
Okay?
-In a way that they will recognize it as what they were actually saying?
So, you're not putting your own spin.
-No.
Because that's dangerous.
That's manipulative.
-Yeah.
-We don't agree.
But we do understand.
-Giving it back to them in a way that they'll hear it as what they actually said.
-And the better you do with that, the more confuse they're going to be.
Because they're wondering, "If you understand my position that well and you don't don't
agree, I must be missing something."
Okay?
That's when we set the hook.
Okay?
That's what gets them.
And then we do the fifth one.
The fifth one.
And I do touch on, "So, do you really want to know a different point of view?
Do you really want to see something different."
Now, they're like hungry.
So, the fifth thing, Paul is that's when you share your opinion and perspective.
That's when you deliver your message.
That's when you do it.
-After you've said them up...
-Right.
Now, they're hungry.
Now, they're ready to eat it.
-Beautiful.
-We share our opinion, perspective, our idea that maybe completely different.
Now, the very end of that, one of the things I want you to remember to do is ask them to
shoot it down.
Okay, if you don't ask them to shoot it down, then they'll think that they need to shoot
it down.
But when you ask them to shoot it down, they don't want them.
Which means they have to find the opposite of shooting it down which it means by and
support to it which reinforces their commitment to say yes to, "I'm going to open my mind".
And so, those are are the 5 phrases to open someone's mind.
-These communication skills, this is you specialty.
-Right.
I love dealing with those difficult moments.
-I love it.
In your book, this is You Can Turn Conflict Into Closeness by Emil Harker.
And it really is about these communication skills.
-Right.
Some what you've shared with us here today.
-Right.
-Awesome.
That's powerful.
-We got more gems.
-There's more to come.
-This is powerful.
And we want to empower you as well.
Emil, you're offering people the copy of this.
-Right.
For free.
They have to pay shipping and handling, right?
Everybody does that.
-Go to the description.
There's a link there where you can connect to You Can Turn Conflict Into Closeness by
Emil Harker.