>> Welcome back to Houston life. It is Valentine’s Day
life. It is Valentine’s Day
and we cannot celebrate the
holiday without talking about
love. Of course, whether you
are single newly in a
relationship 10 years in or
maybe finding love after
divorce love is a universal
language. And with every
language there are a few
basics, doctor, Viviana Coles
relationship that intimacy
expert and our guest co-host
today is here to break it all
down. We sort of touched on
this before the commercial
break, Doctor Viviana, but a
lot of people feel afraid to
start the conversation, right.
And that is maybe the hardest
first step.
>> I do. I think it’s the
hardest first step to say I
care about physicality. I hear
I care about intimacy and and being able to really connect
being able to really connect
with you a lot of times people
take it for granted that.
It’s going to be okay and it’s
all going to work out and that
your physical relationship is just going to go smoothly and
just going to go smoothly and
it often doesn’t believe me by
defaults to people. Do you find
in your practice that people
just don’t talk about it at
all?
>> They usually don’t talk
about it until the word divorce
comes up or breaking up or moving out.
moving out.
>> That’s when people say, oh,
wait a minute. Now, let’s talk
about this or maybe we need to
go talk to somebody and
sometimes people use coming to
see me as a threat. I get here. But it’s not that scary.
But it’s not that scary.
Okay. Yeah. Relationship
therapy is great to not be
ashamed to get a therapist.
Well worth the money.
>> Okay. You have 6 ways to
essentially take the ordinary,
make it more extraordinary.
On Valentine’s Day. The first tip is appreciation. Something
tip is appreciation. Something
that seems so basic, but many
of us forget.
>> Say thank you. I know all of
these cards that are out there
and they’re beautiful. I got
one I have for my heavy that
I’ll be giving him later.
And for sure, I’m going to add
a little something that says
thank you, show gratitude.
Don’t take it for granted. Every time somebody gets into
Every time somebody gets into
an argument, especially when
it’s in my office, it all comes
that back to not feeling
appreciated. It’s so
interesting that translates
to a lot of things by the
wayside. Now, when I was really sick a couple weeks ago and
sick a couple weeks ago and
landed in the R brand in all
like he took such good care of
me. He made me meals like the
way that we show our our
partner spouse that we love
them. It could be a simple, as
you know, bringing them. >> A loaf of bread, crust of
>> A loaf of bread, crust of
bread. All right. Your second
tip is respect.
>> Thank goodness we know it
when we see it or when we’re
receiving it, that disrespect.
So make make sure that you’re not using words that are found
not using words that are found
with each other. I mean,
oftentimes
people will just, you know, to
an F word when they’re
fighting, I say, don’t even
go there because it’s very
quick to go from using the F
word today, calling somebody
out, so be respectful in the
way that you listen, right.
And the way that you speak to
each other. >> Caring is the 3rd tip.
>> Caring is the 3rd tip.
And this could be a simple as
asking about someone’s day by
the key is listening to the
answer, right? How’s your day
house that we go through the
motions, use a truly be sincere
when you’re asking these
questions.
>> Right. And be ready to ask a follow-up question to really
follow-up question to really
show that you’re listening and
not just thinking about what
you’re going to want to know.
What about generosity because
there’s a lot of pressure out
there, especially on days like
Valentine’s Day, too. Shower your spouse with gifts or
your spouse with gifts or
whatever. You’re not suggesting
that being generous means
spending a ton of money, you
know, just what their thoughts,
you know, keep somebody
consider them. When you’re
thinking about what you’re
going to get them or what
you’re going to, you’re going
to take them to celebrate.
Consider what Bay want, not
just what you’d like to do.
Okay. How about affection and
the simple 3, 3, words. I love
you. Absolutely. But again, it’s so easy to say
But again, it’s so easy to say
that sometimes and cards will
do it for you. I think it’s
important to show that you love
someone and because of an
intimacy expert and same go for that at least 3 0nd kiss.
that at least 3 0nd kiss.
OK? So this is where the
attraction comes in. Why 3
seconds? Well, if you count it
out, one 2, 3, that’s more than
a pack. And I always wanted to
be packing more have been just
for a second like I needed to
be kissing longer than that.
And it’s very intentional.
But it’s not so long that lets
see your breath smells bad or
you’re in a rush that you can’t
get it. Okay. This is everyone’s homework for
everyone’s homework for
tonight. Doctor. Vivian, I’m
never going to forget that kids
for 3 seconds and make it a
slow one one-thousand 2
one-thousand 3, 1000. So these
are little steps that that you
believe and you have seen in
your practice can help get
relationships back on track.
>> If you’re doing this every single day.
single day.
There’s no way that things will
get so bad that you’ll end up
divorced or broken up, OK,
Doctor, Viviana Coles. We’re
going to leave it there.
But I don’t worry. We still
have how much time about 40 minutes here on Houston life.
minutes here on Houston life.
The for intimacy Styles is the
book for more information about
the book signings that are
happening as well to get your
copy and check out other online