- I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH. I'M A BIG FAN.
I THINK YOU'RE SO TALENT, SO FUNNY.
AND IT'S BEEN SEVEN YEARS, AND DON'T STAY AWAY THAT LONG.
- I KNOW, BUT YOU LOOK-- YOU LOOK GREAT.
YOU HAVEN'T AGED A BIT. - OH, THANK YOU.
- YOU LOOK WONDERFUL, AND HONESTLY,
YOUR STYLE IS, LIKE, CRAZY.
I BE STEALING YOUR STYLE ALL THE TIME.
- OH. - I'M SWAGGER-JACKING.
I JUST--I BE AT HOME LIKE,
"I WONDER WHAT ELLEN WILL WEAR TODAY.
THAT'S"-- YOU LOOK GREAT.
- WELL, THANKS. YOU LOOK GREAT TOO.
I'M GONNA SWAGGER-JACK THAT.
I'M PROBABLY GONNA WEAR THAT TOMORROW, AS A MATTER OF FACT.
THAT'S FANTASTIC. - I LIKE THE STRIP POLE THING.
THAT WAS GREAT.
I WISH I WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT,
LIKE, BEFORE I SPENT AS MUCH MONEY AS I DID
IN VEGAS ALL THOSE YEARS.
LIKE, THAT'S ONLY ON TV.
IF YOU DID THAT IN REAL LIFE, A STRIPPER LIKE,
"OH, HELL NO, YOU ARE NOT GIVING ME--
WHERE IS THAT MONEY AT?"
[laughs]
"IS THIS STICKY STUFF? NO, YOU DIDN'T!"
- UH-HUH.
SHE'S GETTING SOME MORE TWITTER FOLLOWERS,
SO IT PAYS OFF FOR HER.
- OH, WELL, IF YOU'RE GETTING TWITTER FOLLOWERS...
FOLLOW ME @MARLONWAYANS. YOU KNOW, I'M A--
I'M A TWITTER HIT.
- YOU ALSO LOVE TO TAKE SELFIES. YOU'RE A HUGE--
LIKE, THAT'S ALL YOU DO IS TAKE SELFIES OF YOURSELF.
- WELL, THE THING IS, I'M THE SELFIE KING.
THAT'S WHAT MY DAUGHTER CALLS ME.
SHE CALLS ME THE SELFIE KING.
SHE SAID I HAVE THE TWITTER OF A--
SHE SAID I HAVE AN INSTAGRAM OF, LIKE, A 12-YEAR-OLD
WHITE PREPUBESCENT GIRL.
I'M JUST LIKE-- IT'S LIKE, "OH, MY"--
I'M SO EMBARRASSING.
SO SHE CALLS ME THE SELFIE KING,
AND YOU'RE THE SELFIE QUEEN.
- WELL, IT TURNED OUT-- - 'CAUSE THAT WAS AWESOME.
- THAT OSCAR THING TURNED OUT REAL GOOD FOR ME.
- THAT WAS AWESOME.
- WHO KNEW?
[cheers and applause]
I MEAN, I REALLY DIDN'T THINK THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN,
SO, YEAH, THAT WORKED OUT.
WE SHOULD DO THAT. I KNOW YOU WANT TO DO THAT.
- OH, I WOULD LOVE TO.
- BEFORE YOU LEAVE, WE'LL DO A SELFIE.
- OH, THE SELFIE KING AND SELFIE QUEEN,
WE'RE DOING IT ALL!
I DID IT, MAMA! I MADE IT!
- NOW, I KNOW YOUR DAUGHTER'S IN THE AUDIENCE, AND--
- HI, DAUGHTER.
- YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW HILARIOUS YOUR DAD IS, RIGHT?
YOU HAVE TO KNOW HE'S HILARIOUS. - HE'S HILARIOUS.
HE'S VERY HILARIOUS. - YEAH, NO.
- SHE SAYS THAT NOW, BUT WHEN I'M AT SCHOOL,
SHE'S LIKE, "OH, GOD, HERE HE COMES."
SHE ALWAYS TRIES TO HIDE FROM ME.
I'M LIKE, "HI, AMAI!" SHE'S LIKE, "OH, GOD."
I'M COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE, AND SHE KNOWS IT.
LIKE, I LOVE TO EMBARRASS MY KIDS.
LIKE, WHEN I GO--LIKE, SHE GRADUATES FROM SCHOOL.
SHE GRADUATED FROM SIXTH GRADE, WENT TO SEVENTH GRADE.
I WENT TO THE SCHOOL, AND SHE'S WALKING THE LINE,
AND JUST WHEN THEY SAY HER NAME, "AMAI WAYANS," IT'S QUIET.
SHE GOES TO GET HER AWARD, OR HER LITTLE CERTIFICATE,
AND I GO, "THAT'S MY BABY!
"I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA BE SOMEBODY!
I KNEW YOU WAS GONNA BE SOMEBODY!"
[cheers and applause]
AND ALL YOU SEE IS HER LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."
SO I SNATCHED PICTURES OF THAT.
BUT I'M NOT A DISCIPLINARIAN.
I'M LIKE UNCLE DAD. I'M LIKE FUN DAD.
I COME IN; I'M LIKE, "HEY, WHERE THE PARTY?
LET'S DO THIS."
"SHAWN'S NOT DOING GOOD IN SCHOOL."
"ALL RIGHT, I'M OUT," YOU KNOW?
BUT I DO INCENTIVE PROGRAMS.
LIKE, WITH MY SON--HE WASN'T DOING AS GOOD IN SCHOOL.
HE WANTED TO GET HIS GRADES UP,
SO I TOLD HIM, "IF YOU GET ALL As"--
I WAS GONNA BUY HIM ALL THE SNEAKERS HE WANTED,
WHATEVER SNEAKERS HE WANTED.
NOW, I HAD NO IDEA HOW EXPENSIVE HIS SNEAKERS TASTES WAS.
LIKE, HE WAS LIKE-- AND HE WANTS THE JORDANS.
I'M LIKE, "YEAH. THEY, LIKE"--
YOU KNOW, I'M LIKE, "WHAT ABOUT THE PIPPENS?"
YOU KNOW?
"THE TRACY MCGRADYS?" YOU KNOW?
BUT SO HE WENT IN AND GOT ALL As, THIS GUY.
HE GOT ALL As. - GOOD FOR HIM.
- AND IT WAS, LIKE, 25 PAIRS OF, LIKE, SNEAKERS,
AND I'M JUST LIKE, "CAN YOU GO BACK TO BEING DUMB?
'CAUSE THIS IS"--
- IT'S EXPENSIVE. - REALLY EXPENSIVE.
- WELL, I THINK YOU'RE DOING OKAY,
BECAUSE--I MEAN--
FIRST OF ALL, IT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE
THAT YOU'RE STARRING IN THIS MOVIE,
BUT THAT YOU ARE--YOU WROTE AND YOU'RE PRODUCING IT.
THAT'S A LOT OF WORK TO WRITE AND PRODUCE SOMETHING.
- YEAH, YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S WHAT I GOT TO DO,
BECAUSE, I MEAN, THERE'S NOT THAT MANY ROLES
IN, LIKE, FILMS, ESPECIALLY FOR, LIKE--
I'M NOT HERE TO COMPLAIN,
BUT NOT A LOT OF ROLES FOR AFRICAN-AMERICANS,
AND ME, I WAS JUST LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT?
"I DON'T WANT TO PLAY SLAVE NUMBER 14
IN, LIKE, '12 YEARS A SLAVE.'"
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
[speaking indistinctly]
HOW MANY TIMES-- HOW MUCH CAN YOU MILK,
"YES, SIR, BOSS"?
I MEAN--SO I DO IT OUT OF NECESSITY.
- OH, MY GOD, WELL, GOOD FOR YOU,
BECAUSE, I MEAN, IT'S TRUE.
I THINK THERE ARE NOT A LOT OF ROLES
FOR DIVERSITY IN FILMS
AND FOR WOMEN THAT ARE 40 YEARS OLD
OR 50 YEARS OLD, AND I THINK PEOPLE--
YOU KIND OF HAVE TO WRITE IT FOR YOURSELF,
AND IF YOU'RE TALENTED ENOUGH TO DO THAT--
AND YOU ARE-- IT'S AMAZING.
- BIG SHOUT-OUT TO KEENEN AND MY BROTHER DAMON
FOR REALLY TRAILBLAZING.
- WHAT A FAMILY, YEAH.
[cheers and applause]
I MEAN, REALLY, IT IS. IT'S AN AMAZING FAMILY.
YOU'RE ALL EXTREMELY TALENTED. - THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, SO BEFORE YOU GO,
IT'S "HAUNTED HOUSE 2."
IT OPENS THIS FRIDAY, APRIL 18TH.
BUT LET'S DO THE SELFIE. - YEAH, WE'LL DO THE SELFIE.
AND ALSO--SO--
AND ALSO CHECK OUT WHATTHEFUNNY.COM,
WHICH IS MY DIGITAL NETWORK.
IT'S REALLY FUNNY. IT'S REALLY FUNNY SKETCHES.
WHATTHEFUNNY.COM. APRIL 18TH ON "HOUSE 2."
SELFIE. - ALL RIGHT, LET'S SELFIE.
YOU GOT IT? - YES, I GOT IT.
[cheers and applause]
- WHICH WAY YOU WANT TO DO?
- WE CAN DO IT IN THE AUDIENCE.
I'MA DO ONE WITH YOUR AUDIENCE AFTER, ALL RIGHT?
OKAY. - YOU WANT IT FACING THIS WAY?
SO THAT THE AUDIENCE IS BEHIND US?
- OKAY, YES. - ALL RIGHT.
[cheers and applause]
- READY?
ONE...
TWO...
EVERYBODY READY?
THREE.
OH!
THAT WAS DOPE. - YOU GOT IT?
- THANK YOU, GUYS. - ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL BE BACK. - I LOVE YOU.
[cheers and applause]