This is what's weird is--most people think Frankenstein
is the Monster.
No!
It's not the Monster.
It's the--Victor Frankenstein is the creator
of Frankenstein.
I mean--you know.
- What was the Monster called? - Oh, yeah.
- Taco.
Which is interesting. - Yeah.
- [laughs]
- So Victor Frankenstein looked down at his creation
and the Monster looked up at him and said,
"Master? Creator?"
And Frankenstein thought to himself,
"He has white eyes and black lips
"and yellow skin and arteries bursting out of his skin.
This is not the person I thought I would be creating!"
And he ran out of the room.
Run, run, run, run, run. Run!
[dramatic music]
And he hid in his bedroom and he thought to himself,
"This is terrible, what I've done.
Oh, what do I do?"
He laid down and went to sleep
and when he woke up,
the Monster was staring right down
on his filthy [bleep] face!
- [spluttering laugh]
- And so Frawnken-steen said-- - Frawnken-steen?
- Frankenstein. Did I say that?
- Yeah.
that's how scary it is.
You don't want to say it the same twice.
So what I'm trying to say is,
Victor Frankenstein freaked out so bad.
"No, please no! Please!
I want nothing to do with you!"
And the Monster goes,
"Listen to this, 'cause this is scary.
"You need to create a companion for me
or I will kill your lover."
[burps]
[laughter]
Dr. Frankenstein made the bride,
but then all of a sudden had second feelings
about this because...
What if she became a freak?
Oh, what would he do? How much guilt would he feel?
So he destroyed Frankenstein's bride
and just [bleep] off!
[dramatic music]
But sure enough, Frankenstein rushed into the bedroom
and said, "What the [bleep] is going on?"
The Monster killed the fiancée--
Oh, uh, wife.
And there she was, dead!
And the Monster said,
"You have destroyed my love life
because you destroyed my sex bot!"
You know, like, in that day, it would've been a sex bot.
- Like a real doll. - Yeah, like a ba--
ba--a doll.
And he ran out of the room
and was never to be seen again.
Until later.
[laughter]
And that is the story up to now.
So Mary said, "How did I do?
"I believe that I have done quite a scary story,
have I not?"
Lord Byron and Shelley, after the story,
were silent, and then all of a sudden
everybody was, like, oh, my God
I'm pissing out of my balls! This is so amazing.
And Mary looked at them and said, "Really?
Are you cereal?
[chuckling]
And Percy said to Mary,
"You have got to write this down and sell it!"
And she goes, What? What?
What?
[grunt]
[spits]
[laughter]
- Oh, my God.