-Guys, it can be hard to say goodbye,
but sometimes you have to, and there are a few things
I'd like to say goodbye to right now.
It's time for "Go On, Git!"
-♪ Go on, git ♪
♪ Go on, git ♪
♪ Go on, go on, go on, git ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Go on, git, paper straws.
I'll tip my hat to what you're doing for the environment,
but you got a three-sip maximum
before you fold like wet origami.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Go on, git, paper straws.
For something you can't suck, you sure do suck.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Spit, clang ]
-Go on, git...
[ Cheers and applause ]
...true-crime documentaries...
[ Laughter ]
...where the mystery isn't solved at the end.
[ Laughter ]
I just binged nine hour-long episodes,
and you're telling me you don't even have a guess
as to who the killer is?
[ Laughter and applause ]
Well, now I'm just scared.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause now there's some crazy killer on the loose,
and he knows that I know everything he did.
[ Laughter ]
I'd be a dead man if it wasn't for my Ring doorbell alarm.
[ Laughter ]
Now, go on, git.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Go on, git...
[ Laughter ]
Sorry. Go on, git.
It was just going all the way down my throat, and it was --
[ Laughter ]
Go on, git, people who say every firework is their favorite.
You do know how fireworks shows are structured, right?
They get progressively better as the show goes on.
They don't start with the best fireworks.
That's like Train opening their concert with "Drops of Jupiter."
Ain't gonna happen. [ Laughter ]
So go on, "ooh," and git, "ahh."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Go on, git, kidney bean-shaped swimming pools.
[ Laughter ]
What, being a rectangle ain't good enough for you?
[ Laughter ]
A circle not cool enough?
No, you just get to have all the attention, don't you?
And by the way, the human kidney
is an organ designed to create urine.
[ Laughter ]
And that is the last thing I want to be thinking about
before cannonballing into the deep end.
[ Laughter ]
So go on, git, kidney-shaped swimming pools.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Unless you're in my neighbor's backyard.
Then I'm coming over.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-G--
[ Laughter ]
-Go on, git...
screen doors with locks.
[ Laughter ]
Let me get this straight.
You're supposed to protect my home?
So if a burglar shows up, they're gonna be like,
"They -- they -- they got a screen door, fellas.
Pack it in!" [ Laughter ]
You're absolutely impenetrable unless someone has the strength
to press through a tea bag. [ Laughter ]
So, reach in, finger-flick that tiny little lock
that doesn't do nothing, come on in, and then go git.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Go on, git...
[ Laughter ]
...people asking me if I --
I can hardly talk. Hold on.
[ Laughter ]
That's not chaw. It's just a wad of napkins.
[ Laughter ]
Go on, git, people asking me
if I have plans for the Fourth of July.
If'n I did, and if'n you were included,
I'm pretty sure you'd know by now.
[ Laughter ]
So, if I happen to see you at Dave's barbecue,
I'd say two things to you --
"Happy birthday, 'Merica," and "Go on, git!"
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
[ Spit, clang ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Spit, clang ]
[ Laughter ]
Go on, git, "My money don't jiggle jiggle."
You had your time, but guess what --
your aunt done ruined it by posting about it on Facebook.
It's been real, but you've tik'd your last tok.
So take a hike, "My money don't jiggle jiggle,"
and say hi to "cheugy" and "bing bong" on the way out.
Go on, sheesh!
[ Cheers and applause ]
So hard to see 'em go,
but I'm glad I got that all out of my system.
My thanks to Steve Carell.
We'll be talking with him after the break.