- Hey-ah play-ah, are you in a situation where
things just aren't really moving forward romantically
between you and your crush so you've decided
you're just gonna be friends with them.
The problem there is that you have all these feelings
deep inside, so how do you realistically just be friends?
I'm gonna explain how right after this.
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I'm just gonna be up front about this.
There's no easy way to just bury your feelings
and pretend like they don't exist.
If you like this person, that's how you feel
and pretending otherwise might just be impossible
or just so difficult that you can't do it.
But for some of you, you may be able to rationalize
your situation a little better.
Maybe you have mutual friends in common
and by you two trying to date,
it's gonna make things awkward
or maybe you're in class together,
and you always see them and you don't really want
that weird feeling of having to just
avoid them at all costs.
But the real question here is how.
How do you realistically be friends with your crush?
Well, I think it's important to ask yourself
this honest question, are you okay with just being friends?
A lot of people tell themselves that they are,
they pretend like they're good at hiding their feelings
and keeping them at bay, but deep down they know
that whenever they see their crush talking to someone
or never just saying hi to them,
it's gonna bother them, it's hurt them,
it's gonna make them long for that crush even more.
And if you're someone that just can't keep
your feelings at bay, that you know it's gonna hurt you
seeing them and knowing that you can't be with them,
then you're not gonna like my next answer
but I think the best thing for you to do is to let them go.
You're probably better off not being friends with them,
focusing on other people,
letting your friendship with them start to dwindle
and start to fade in the background,
not prioritizing them in your lives
because the more that you do,
the more you're gonna long for them
so you need to start pulling away slowly
so that you can start to develop on your own.
Does that mean your feelings are just gonna go away?
Probably not but you can reduce them and subdue them
even more by spending less time around them,
by engaging with them less,
by focusing on other people and other things in your life.
And look, I speak from experience here.
I was that guy that tried to just be friends
with my crush, even though I had deep feelings for her
and every time she talked to other guys
and especially talked to my best friend,
who she started to like, it bothered me to no end.
So I'm link up that video over here
and explain how I dealt with it, in the wrong way,
so that you don't make my mistake.
A lot of times when we have a crush,
we tend to focus solely on them.
We develop what's called oneitis,
and they become the central focus person in our lives.
We can't stop thinking about them,
we can't stop thinking about their smile,
the way that they look, the way that they talk,
the things that they talk about,
everything about them is perfect.
But the problem here is that you're focusing
all your time and energy on someone else
and not working on your own self development.
If you can re-direct that, you can focus on just
building yourself up, doing the things you like to do,
it'll be way easier for you to just accept
that they're just a friend.
And I know for some of you, you're in that weird spot
where maybe your crush is dating someone else
or you just can't date your crush right now
because there are things going on.
Well, even in that position, I think it's important
for you to pursue other crushes,
to start developing other crushes.
You always want to diversify the amount of people
that you're talking to and the amount of people
that you're pursuing and then as you go through
those people and learn more about them,
you can narrow it down to a specific person that you like.
But just because you like this single crush
doesn't mean you should focus only on them, okay?
Okay, so you've mentally prepared yourself
to focus on other people.
This person isn't the highlight or focus of your life,
but you still see them from time to time.
You still interact with them and every time you do,
those feelings bubble up to the surface
and you don't know how to handle them.
What should you do about that?
Well, one thing, I think I need to make super clear is this.
You don't wanna just confess your feelings
to your crush just to get it off of your chest,
I think that's a bad move and I think a lot of you guys
want to resort to that simply because it'll alleviate
that pressure that you're feeling.
You want them to just know how you feel
so that you don't have to carry it anymore.
But guess what?
By telling them that, and then also trying to maintain
a friendship, it's gonna be incredibly difficult
for them to only look at you as a friend
cause they're gonna know deep down, you have these feelings.
And I think that's a major problem
that a lot of people who have crushes,
they try to turn them into just friends, deal with.
Your crush knows that you like them,
so that's always gonna be part of your interaction.
They're always gonna second guess whether or not
you're doing something as a friend
or because you like them.
So if you wanna make it honestly, just truly clear
that you're only doing it as a friend,
pursue other people.
Let them see that you're open to dating someone else
cause if they see that you can move on from them,
then they may be more trusting of you, just as a friend.
I'm not saying it's easy,
I get it, it's hard but the hardest part probably
is trying to develop a friendship
after you've asked them out.
They know how you feel and you don't really know
how to go about doing that,
now that the feelings are out in the open.
Well, I think you should watch this video over here
where I break down how to deal with that specific situation.
I talk about building a friendship after
asking someone out.
Check that video out guys and I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.