Translator: Ellen Maloney Reviewer: Peter van de Ven
Did you know that spicy foods actually increase your sex drive?
That they wake up your libido
and actually cause you to become more lustful as a result?
And did you know that if you are a man and you masturbate enough,
you can actually become infertile?
Not only that, but it can cause a slow degenerative condition
that not only affects the man but any offspring that he has as well.
And did you know that too much self-loving
can actually cause you to grow hair on the palms of your hands?
(Laughter)
Everyone will know what you do with your spare time.
(Laughter)
OK, everything I just told you was a lie.
(Cheering)
Thank God!
But it was not that long ago when people used to believe these things.
And many still do.
So today I am talking to you about masturbation myths.
So we can uncover some of today's most perpetuated falsehoods
and unearth some from the past
that have actually come to shape our present-day reality.
For example -
unsweetened Kellogg's cornflakes
were developed by Dr. John Harvey Kellogg.
See, he was an anti-masturbation crusader.
He believed, as did many people at the time,
that spicy foods led to lust, and lust led to masturbation,
and masturbation led to a whole host of horrible things.
So, he developed this diet that was bland in flavour
to hopefully decrease the chances of masturbation.
(Laughter)
It was actually his brother Will that added sugar to the flakes
and marketed them as a breakfast cereal before they took off.
The Graham Cracker actually has a similar past.
Sylvester Graham was a minister and anti-masturbation crusader,
and he developed the Graham Cracker, as well,
as part of a bland diet in order to decrease masturbation.
If he only knew what we did with S'mores.
(Laughter)
Now, it wasn't just these two men
campaigning against the evils of masturbation.
In fact, most health care professionals at the time, and health manuals,
believed the same thing.
So, now it is easy for us to snicker at this
and think how naive and ignorant these people must have been
to believe such silly things.
Because of course, we have evolved leaps and bounds
out of our grandparents' generation of sexual shaming.
We know our facts.
I mean, we are part of movements like legalising gay marriage,
and improving our sex education in our school systems,
and increasing our 'clitoracy'
through things like 'The Vagina Monologues'.
(Laughter)
We know our facts.
Or do we?
There is actually still a lot of falsehood around masturbation today.
You see, as a sex therapist,
I get to meet and talk with a whole host of different people.
It is actually quite a unique opportunity
because people come to me
and they tell me their innermost thoughts and feelings,
their desires, their fears, their anxieties, their wishes -
everything.
And over time, you start to notice patterns.
So, for example:
Women will often come to me because they have not been able to have an orgasm.
Now, being preorgasmic could stem from a whole host of different things,
but one trend I often see
is that many women still feel so much shame around self-pleasuring,
around masturbation, that they do not do it.
Therefore, they're relying on their partner
as their only means to orgasm attainment.
But they have no roadmap for their body.
With men, I often see a different trend.
Where maybe -
(Laughter)
stay with me on this -
(Laughter)
maybe they have relied on masturbation
as their sole means for orgasm attainment for so long
that this has created adverse patterns.
Now, regardless if the client is a male or a female,
looking at the issues surrounding masturbation
and how that ties to the presenting sexual issue
is extremely important to recognize.
So today, I thought we'd address masturbation myths,
as our mistaken beliefs will have a trickle-down effect on future generations
and contribute to many sexuality based issues that I see today.
So, let's do a little fact-or-fiction with our favourite pastime, shall we?
Fact or fiction?
Women who rely on vibrators or toys to masturbate
will not be able to have an orgasm with her partner during sex.
They will become dependent on it.
That is fiction, yes.
So,
some women do like more intense, direct stimulation on the clitoral hood,
which a vibrator will provide more so than a penis, yes,
but that does not cause an inability to reach orgasm by other means.
In fact, research shows that women who take their time to self-explore
and learn about their body through masturbation
are more likely to attain an orgasm with a partner
than those who do not.
Alright, fact or fiction?
Those in dating relationships are more likely to masturbate
than those who are single.
That is a fact.
So, those in relationships are more likely or just as likely to masturbate
than those who are single.
Not only that, but homosexual behavior is associated with a higher degree,
or a higher frequency of masturbation.
Men masturbate more than women,
older people less than younger people,
African-Americans less than other groups,
non-religious more so than Christians,
and the more educated you are,
the more likely it is that you will masturbate.
Fact or fiction?
I think she's reading Fifty Shades of Grey.
(Laughter)
Women - fact.
(Laughter)
Women generally masturbate by inserting objects into the vagina;
therefore, simulating penetrative sex.
That was a quick one.
(Laughter)
Fiction, yes.
Some women do masturbate in this fashion,
and that is fine and completely normal.
However, it is far more likely for women to masturbate
by using clitoral stimulation, or the stimulation of the clitoral hood.
The clitoris is actually a very interesting little body part.
It is not merely a little button that's hidden away,
you know, we say, look for the little man in the canoe.
(Laughter)
It is actually a fairly large internal organ,
and it is the only body part that exists solely for pleasure.
The clitoris is estimated to be between 9 and 12 centimeters long
and 6 centimeters wide.
Fact or fiction?
Early childhood masturbation is abnormal
and may mean that your child is hypersexual.
Well done.
Fiction.
So, children learn very early on what feels good
when they touch their bodies, both male and female.
So, early childhood masturbation, well before puberty,
even into infancy, is actually quite normal.
(Laughter)
This man looks very worried.
(Laughter)
Fact or fiction?
Too much masturbation can cause adverse health risks.
That is fiction.
So, the only health risk associated with too much masturbation
would be allergic reactions due to lubricants,
infections due to unwashed toys,
or just skin irritations in general.
Masturbation is actually the ultimate form of safe sex
and masturbation -
(Laughter)
fact! -
(Laughter)
masturbation resulting in orgasm
actually carries with it a plethora of positive health benefits.
It alleviates headaches, it decreases stress, it is a sleep aid,
and it actually improves your immune functioning.
And women who masturbate during their period
can actually alleviate menstrual cramps.
It is estimated that about 95% of men and 89% of women
have masturbated at some time in their life.
So, masturbating, for both sexes, every day even,
is normal and healthy.
So, the only adverse health risk that might be associated with it
is if you are masturbating so much
that you stop going to work, let's say,
(Laughter)
or it is impeding your daily functioning and social responsibilities,
then it may be an issue -
and you should come and see me.
(Laughter)
Fact or fiction?
Masturbation will not impede your stamina
or affect your performance
before a big game or workout.
That is a fact.
So as I already said,
masturbation carries with it a plethora of positive health benefits,
so it actually may be beneficial to you rather than harmful.
Again, the only thing that could cause you problems
is if you are masturbating to the point of exhaustion.
(Laughter)
But then, that would be true for any activity
where you are repeatedly using the same muscles over and over again.
Alright, last one.
(Laughter)
Now, this is a very common one I get.
Fact or fiction?
Masturbation causes premature ejaculation and erectile disfunction.
You are all quieter on this one, I see.
(Laughter)
That is fiction.
Now, this is a very complicated issue.
So, the general act of masturbation does not cause erectile dysfunction;
however, it may be helpful to think of it in terms of a sports analogy.
So, let's say you are a professional athlete.
During practice, you are sloughing off, you are not trying hard during the drills,
just not being an overall good player.
Now, when you get into a game-time situation,
you are not going to play like a pro.
Why?
Because you practice like you play.
So, you have to think of masturbation in the same way.
Masturbation is the practice; partnered sex is the play.
So, for example.
Let's say, as a man, every single time you masturbate,
you only give yourself a few minutes from first touch to ejaculation.
That may condition you to those few minutes.
So, when you are with a partner and you want to last longer,
that may create problems for you.
Or let's say, you watch the same type of visual stimuli,
let's say foot-fetish pornography, for instance.
And then you are with a partner who hates their feet,
does not want you anywhere near them.
That could create psychological arousal problems for you.
So now, again, I am not saying it's a cause and effect.
What I am stressing is the importance of making your practice and your play
as similar as possible,
just like anything in life that you want to be good at.
So now, I can stand up here
and do the fact versus fiction battle all day,
but perhaps the catalyst for change isn't just in the education
but on a shift in perspective.
Now,
there is few people in North America, today at least,
campaigning against the evils of masturbation
like Kellogg and Sylvester Graham used to do;
however, there is still a lot of negativity around this one word
or this one behavior that we have in our society today.
So, if we think of all this negativity around this one thing,
how do we break free of this perpetual cycle of fear-based myths?
We just keep creating more.
I mean, the Roman Catholic Church still holds that masturbation is sinful,
so many Catholics may not masturbate
or feel guilty about masturbating because of that.
And many children inherit negative views around masturbation
from their parents.
Now, speaking to the guilt.
When I was younger,
I did something that I probably shouldn't have.
Now, I was really worried about getting caught.
So, I pleaded with the cosmos.
I was like, "Please, if I can get away with this,
just let me out unscathed,
I will not masturbate for an entire month.
Thirty days!
Thirty straight days."
Now, I have no idea who I was pleading to, I am not a religious person,
but I think that in times where we feel
like we do not have a lot of control over our present or our future,
we reach out to this cosmos.
So now, I was lucky enough not to get caught,
but when I look back on that now, what stands out for me
is that I viewed masturbation as something that was so wrong
or something that was so bad
that I could use it as a bargaining tool.
Almost like giving up smoking or drinking.
Now, I was very blessed to be raised in a household with amazing parents
who never taught me that masturbation was wrong
or something I should be ashamed of or something that was sinful.
And I as I have already said, I was not a religious person,
so where was I getting these messages from?
I've come to realize, it was from our society as a whole.
For example.
If you google the term masturbation and look for synonyms,
words like self-abuse come up on almost every single page.
So, with all this negativity around this one word,
how do we break free of this?
I think we need new terminology for the word masturbation.
Because changing the words we use
to describe people, places, events and ideas
are our first steps towards changing our perspectives on them.
Now, I am not saying that masturbation is a bad word
or that using proper terminology is a bad thing;
what I am saying is that if we can be a little bit more positive
in our adult, slang word of tongue,
in our day-to-day conversations,
this would be helpful.
For example.
I just stayed in last night.
Played a little sexual solitaire. It was a good night.
(Laughter)
Or, I asked Jenny to come out with me,
but she said she needed a little 'me time'.
A little self-relaxation therapy.
You know?
She was having herself a 'onesome' instead of a threesome -
sounded great.
Now, I am not saying that this change is going to happen overnight,
but what I am asking is for each of you to do a little introspection,
to look at the words that we use to describe masturbation
and our hang-ups surrounding it.
Because if we can change this, we can change our perspective on it,
we will have a better society.
We will be better partners, better lovers, better communicators.
And the sexual problems that I see daily will decrease dramatically.
So, I think now is the perfect time, tonight.
Go home,
set the mood,
turn the lights down low,
and romance the hell out of yourself.
(Laughter)
(Applause)