I'm 31, turning 32 in a few months.
As a woman, there are a lot of social pressures
and expectations around this age.
Pressure to marry,
pressure to have kids,
pressure to buy a house and settle down,
pressure to have your life and finances together.
There's always some sort of pressure to be somewhere
or have achieved these things by a certain age.
This pressure inevitably makes us feel not good enough.
And it can even make us feel like a failure.
Today, I wanna share some tips on how to deal with this age pressure and this social clock
that society runs on.
Point #1: get clear with yourself.
Know how you feel and what you want
versus what society is telling you.
It's really important to be able to isolate yourself
and create a boundary so that you're able to tell
what's mine versus what's not mine.
Once you recognize, “Okay, this is not mine,”
whether it's a thought or a belief—
“Where is it coming from?"
"Is it coming from my friends, my parents, society?”
And if it's just an opinion, then that means that it's not fact.
And you don't have to agree with someone else's opinion.
You can have your own.
You don't have to agree with what society thinks is the right way
or the right thing you should do.
You can formulate your own beliefs
and your own ideas of what you believe is right.
Before we go on to the next point,
I wanna take a moment and thank BetterHelp for sponsoring today's video.
If you notice you're feeling anxious, depressed, stressed,
or overwhelmed, BetterHelp is here to help.
BetterHelp offers a network of over 20,000 licensed therapists
who are trained to listen and help you.
Just fill out a questionnaire and then you get matched with a therapist in under 48 hours.
Through BetterHelp, I've been healing from putting too much pressure on myself.
My therapist has helped me understand my fears
and anxieties and find more calm.
You can schedule private video and phone sessions
and exchange unlimited messages at your convenience.
Everything you share is completely confidential.
It's nice to have a safe space to express all of your feelings.
What I like about therapy is
it helps you become aware of deeper emotions and fears
that you didn't notice in your day to day.
You can also request a new therapist at no additional charge any time.
Join the 2,000,000+ people who have taken charge of their mental health with an experienced BetterHelp therapist.
If you're interested in trying it out,
you can get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/aileen
Point #2: there is no rush and there are no rules.
Any rules or limits are imaginary.
The first thing that comes to mind
when I think about rules or limits is
being a woman, people say our body is a ticking clock.
There's just this window where it's ideal to get pregnant and have a baby.
And although there are scientific and medical reasons for those beliefs,
it does not mean that they are absolute fact.
There is no like cutoff age, cutoff date.
You don't have an expiration date on your body,
outside of menopause.
I suppose there is definitely a range, but don't take it as fact.
Because it is true,
there are women who do get pregnant
and have babies later on in life at 40 or even a little bit older.
My point is every person's body is different.
Don't mistake suggestions or opinions for facts.
All you can do is do your research, figure out all your options,
and then decide what is the best option for you,
what works for you.
Don't feel like you have to rush anything,
because remember there is no rush and there are no rules.
Everything is happening in its perfect timing
and everything is going to be okay.
Personally, at my age,
there are pressures coming from everywhere.
People asking, “When are you gonna get married?”
“Are you gonna have kids soon?”
People telling me that,
“Oh, you should have kids soon. You're already past 30”
Blah, blah, blah.
A lot of my girlfriends are having babies,
but I personally know that I'm still not ready to have kids.
There's so many things I wanna do before that.
And I'm still even debating whether I wanna have kids.
So instead of feeling limited by this ticking time bomb,
I had to explore my options and ask myself,
“Okay, what do I really want?”
“What makes me feel good?”
And what makes me feel good is not rushing into anything
that I'm not 100% sure about.
And also, being okay with the other options,
whether it's not having kids or adopting kids
if I get too old or unable to have children, who knows.
It's because I know my options and I'm okay with those options
that I can continue my life carefree
and allow the timing to be right for my body
to feel when it's a 100% yes
in order to make these decisions for myself.
For example, if you're someone that knows you want to have your very own child,
coming from your own DNA,
then you would probably consider options like
freezing your eggs and doing IVF later on.
But because that's not a non-negotiable for me,
I choose not to do that.
It all depends on what you want
and what options suit your needs.
I'm curious as a woman, what are your thoughts on this topic?
Comment down below because I wanna know your thoughts.
I know most of you watching are women
and we all have to deal with this sort of pressure.
We all have to be able to make our decisions
based on the options that are out there.
But I think the worst thing is just rushing into something
or making a choice out of fear—
out of fear of running out of time, or fear of whatever it is.
Society, pressure, and other people telling you to do this
because they think it's good for you.
Point #3: define your version of success.
You have to decide and define
what a successful life looks like to you.
It's different for everybody.
I've made videos that go very in depth into this topic,
like 'how to envision your dream life,'
'what does success mean to you?'
'what does happiness mean to you?'
I'll link those in the corner and down below,
so you can do more digging and self-reflection.
But in general, you just wanna ask yourself,
“What is a happy life?”
“What does success mean?”
“What is a successful life?”
“Is success material?"
"Is it internal?”
“What feelings do I wanna achieve that equal success?”
Is it “I wanna feel proud of myself”?
Is it “I wanna be creative”?
Is it “I want freedom”?
What does success mean to you?
And once you have your own definition of success,
then you have your blueprint.
That is your guide.
You're trying to create a life
that aligns with that definition of success.
And so, any other person's version of success should not matter
because it has nothing to do with your definition of success.
Society or your parents or your friends might have their idea of what success is,
but that doesn't mean it has to do anything with your definition.
What's great about this is once you have your definition,
your blueprint for what success is,
then you can ask yourself,
“Okay, how can I create this in my life?”
“Am I feeling this way now?
If not, what can I do to feel that way?"
"What can I do to create more success
or to feel more successful in my life?"
Then, it just becomes a matter of planning and organizing,
“Okay, what are the baby steps that I need to take to reach this goal?”
And then you just execute on those baby steps.
Point #4: your envy or frustration is a clue to what you truly desire deep down.
This is the harsh truth.
If you ever notice yourself feeling envious
or frustrated at someone else's success,
that means that, that is what you desire deep down.
Clearly, there's a reason why you feel some type of emotion towards that, right?
But envy and frustration are negative emotions that are pulling you down
because there is a reason you don't believe that that can be your reality.
Instead of feeling frustrated or envious, see that as,
“Oh, maybe I want to be more like that person,
even though I'm frustrated that they've reached a success
by this age or something.
Once you recognize what you truly desire deep down,
then you can be honest with yourself.
“Do I believe that I can do this?”
“Do I believe I deserve this?”
And that is some internal work that you should do with yourself.
Instead of putting others down
or dipping down other people's accomplishments,
see it as an example that it is possible.
It's possible because they showed you it was possible.
And that means that you can do that too.
You have to be able to turn it into a positive, into an inspiration
rather than something that makes you feel worse about yourself.
Other people's success should not make you feel worse about yourself.
That should be an example that it is possible to succeed.
Life is not a competition.
It is not a race.
It is about open possibility.
The fact that other people are doing amazing things
shows you that it's possible for you to do the same things
or even something that is more amazing of your own.
Point #5: to celebrate yourself and how far you've come.
You are doing great.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself
or anyone make you feel like you are smaller than, less than,
because that just takes away from your light.
And we each have a beautiful light within us.
We're here to experience life.
We're here to do something.
We're here to use our skills/gifts to create something of value.
Think back to all the things that you've already accomplished.
All the things that you've already overcome up to this point.
There's so much that you've already done in your life.
You've lived so much life up to this point.
So celebrate yourself,
celebrate your wins,
celebrate overcoming hard times,
celebrate all that you've learned,
all the ways that you've grown over the years,
because that is beautiful.
That is success.
Too often, we focus on our flaws and our shortcomings
and all the things that we have not achieved yet
instead of focusing on all the things that we have achieved,
all the things that we have overcome.
Regardless of what point in the journey you're in,
it's always healthier to have a mindset
where you're able to celebrate your successes
and to celebrate how far you've come
versus looking forward and being like,
“Oh my God, I still haven't achieved this yet.”
“I haven't achieved that.”
“I'm not good enough”
blah, blah, blah.
You're focusing on the negatives versus focusing on the positives.
You can be at the same point in your journey,
but have two different mindsets.
One mindset is being able to look back and celebrate how far you've come.
And the other mindset is looking forward and feeling like a struggle like,
“Oh my God, there's still so much left to go.”
“I'm not there yet.”
“I haven't achieved what I wanted yet.”
Regardless of how far along you are in your journey,
that mindset is going to follow you.
You'd much rather have the positive mindset
where you can celebrate yourself and how far you've come,
everything you have achieved and overcome
versus always focusing on your shortcomings
and what you have not done yet.
All right.
Hope you enjoyed these tips and my thoughts
on how to deal with these social pressures that we all deal with.
Let me know down below your thoughts on everything.
How do you deal with society's expectations and those pressures?
If you haven’t subscribed to this channel already,
make sure you click below and click that bell.
I make videos on personal growth and lifestyle design
and how to create your dream life.
Sending you so much love.
I'll see you next time.
Bye.