hi there it's Asiya
let's check how well you understand how to get a high score in IELTS Writing Task 2
and what actually drags your score down
i've prepared some tasks for you
first, you try to find mistakes, and then i show you what those are and how to correct them
i'm sure this exercise will help you avoid these errors in your writing
please count how many questions you answer correctly
okay let's get started
here is the first task our ielts writing task 2
topic is about whether children should read books for entertainment or not
some parents insist that reading books for entertainment is a waste of time children
of such parents therefore would be deprived of reading books that many of their friends
discuss such as the three musketeers robinson cruzo the lord of the rings or harry potter
can you find a mistake here please pause the video if you'd like to think about it
here is a tip what would you remove i would remove all the examples of books the idea is
clear without them so they don't help us answer the question and you don't get any extra points
for knowing the names of books games or anything else avoid unnecessary details such as lists of
things next question number two professor john smith from the psychology department
at the university of oxford is convinced that reading fiction increases people's empathy and
compassion what about this example do you know the answer can you see the mistake actually
it's exactly the same unnecessary details in this case the name and position of the researcher using
imaginable research doesn't add any credibility to your arguments if you want to refer to some fact
you know just say research suggests or research shows and now i have two sentences for you
school children dislike mathematics from an early age employers prefer hands-on work experience
over a university degree so this is a very common mistake can you spot it well both these sentences
over generalize things that say that something is true all the time when it's only true sometimes
do all school children dislike maths i loved it do employees always prefer experience try to soften
your language by adding elements of probability some school children may dislike mathematics from
an early age not all of them just some and may means that they may dislike it or not for some
kinds of jobs employers prefer hands-on work experience over university degree adding this
clarification makes the argument stronger because it's more difficult to overturn it i've seen a lot
of essays where complex issues are oversimplified careful now i have a whole paragraph for you this
is an introduction to an essay about the best ways to prevent crimes crime is an indispensable
part of society as long as there are rules there are also people who will break them
today the main way of punishing people for their misdeeds is sending them to prison prisons exist
in every country on earth and most of them are notoriously overcrowded how can people be deterred
from committing crimes some consider stricter sentences to be the preferred way to prevent
crimes while others disagree in this essay i will discuss both views and offer my own position
can you find two mistakes if you'd like to pause the video now is the time to do that
okay here are the answers first of all the introduction is too long all we need in an
introduction is to present the topic task and our position in my courses i call it the ttp formula
all you need is two or three sentences we have seven actually i would just delete the first four
sentences that's too much background information i know it may be tempting to give a good
introduction to your topic because it's easier and sometimes we feel like we want to write about
it but it won't bring your band seven score keep your introduction short and to the point
okay now we have three sentences the second mistake lies in the last sentence
in this essay i will discuss both views and offer my own position this sentence tells us
what the essay question is to discuss both views and give your own opinion the examiner already
knows the task so no need to repeat it in your essay instead it's better to give your own opinion
i think that criminals are often victims of circumstances and helping them find their
way in life would be more effective than threatening them with years behind bars as
this is an essay about two views you must still discuss both views in your essay not
just the view you agree with this is different to your opinion essays where the question is
do you agree in ielts general training or to what extent do you agree or disagree in ayats academic
if you're sometimes confused as to what you should write about in your essay and whether you should
discuss one side or both sides learn about the five types of tasks and what to write about in
each of them are you counting how many questions you've answered correctly so far the next topic
is about introducing attacks on unhealthy foods and this is part of a body paragraph
without beating around the bush i agree that the tax option can help to reduce the consumption
of potentially harmful foods for example the so-called sugar tax imposed in the uk on soft
drinks with a high sugar content has caught some points with those who support healthy eating so
far we've talked about the ideas the content now i want you to pay attention to the vocabulary
what would you correct well in your essay you should use formal english avoid informal
phrases slang idioms and colloquialisms actually we have two informal phrases here
at the very beginning to beat around the bush this is an idiom and it's informal a formal linker we
could use this on the one hand further to score points again it's informal it's better to say that
the sugar tax has had some positive effects now we have a topic about the advantages and
disadvantages of working from home rather than from an office let's have a look at
the paragraph about the advantages of working from home can you find two mistakes first working from
home eliminates the need for a commute in rush hour which can be stressful and time consuming
secondly remote work allows for more flexible work arrangements finally employees can be more
productive because they attend fewer meetings and generally experience few interruptions
which normally occur in the office environment have you found the mistakes i guess you've
noticed that this structure is quite repetitive first secondly thirdly the use of linking words
is mechanical although we need to present several benefits try to make your transitions less
noticeable here is how i've changed this paragraph to make the transitions between the ideas
smoother the first sentence is actually the same first working from home eliminates the need for a
commute in rush hour which can be stressful and time consuming instead people can have a longer
sleep or start working earlier as a remote work easily allows for more flexible work arrangements
another advantage of staying away from the office is that employees can be more productive because
they attend fewer meetings and so on although the ideas are the same now they're better connected
but there is still one thing missing if this is the whole paragraph about the advantages
there should be a topic sentence the first sentence should tell the reader
what this paragraph is about it can be simple working from home has a number of benefits
ideally at the end of the paragraph you should wrap it up and transition to the next
we don't have it here as well as we don't have the next paragraph in my courses you can learn how to
develop ideas in your body paragraphs and how to connect all your sentences something that is
very important for your score and if you'd like to check out the courses they're linked in the
description next the topic is the same we need to answer the following question
do the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages have a look at this conclusion
in conclusion working from home has numerous benefits for both companies and employees however
it also has serious downsides which cannot be ignored can you see the mistake to spot
it it's important to see the question that's why i put it just above we need to say if the
advantages are greater or the disadvantages but this conclusion doesn't present a clear opinion
you should make your position very clear in conclusion although working from home
has certain downsides i believe its advantages are greater by far now my opinion is clear and
i just need to summarize the main arguments from the body paragraphs to have a complete conclusion
and the last question for this one let me show you the topic too so here is the task
in many countries people do not recycle waste materials such as bottles and newspapers what
are the reasons for this what could be done to solve this problem and here is the full conclusion
to conclude it is the lack of awareness about the benefits of recycling and reluctance for people to
sold their refuse that prevents them from engaging with this useful practice can you spot the error
in our conclusion we should answer all the essay questions we have two the reasons and the
solutions but this conclusion only gives us the reasons it's incomplete here is what we should add
when they fully understand its advantages and can recycle their rubbish at home and outside easily
and quickly i believe that many will choose to do the right thing so these are our solutions i
actually have a full sample answer to this question which you can download on our telegram
channel the link is in the video description box below you just need to click to open it up first
and then you see it the links to our preparation packs are there too that's where you can learn
how to meet each requirement in ielts writing and speaking and answer each type of question
how many errors could you find today did any particular mistake surprise you let me know in
the comments and thank you for watching me today good luck with your preparation and your exam bye