Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell
has recently come under fire for his Senate impeachment rules,
his attempt to rush through the trial
and for his performance in the movie Doolittle.
But for more on this speedy Senate trial,
we turn to a man who is also known for finishing quickly,
Michael Kosta, everybody.
-(cheering, applause) -Mm-hmm. Okay.
Michael...
you're at the capitol right now.
Don't these rules seem restrictive?
You know, maybe, Trevor, but we need rules.
Without rules, civilization would collapse,
and I would have to put on leather
and fight rabid dogs for water,
and not for fun, like I do now.
Rules are what make society.
Like "stand to the right on the escalator"
or "keep quiet when you're in a movie theater."
And you know what I'm talking about, Trevor.
(laughter)
Why would I know what you're talking about?
Look, all I'm saying is, I think Black Panther already knew
someone was behind him-- he didn't need your help.
Well, I think I saved him. But let's move on.
Uh, I get it, I get it, I get it-- we need rules.
But it seems like Mitch McConnell
designed most of these rules to help Trump
instead of having a fair trial.
Like, the length of the trial is compressed.
There might not be witnesses.
Uh, come on, Mitch McConnell is tough but fair.
Look, look at these rules, okay?
Each side gets equal time to make their case.
Okay? Republicans will speak at 9:00 a.m.,
and then-- tomorrow-- and then the Democrats
will speak at 6:30 on Super Bowl Sunday, okay?
And-and the witness rules are equal, too.
Both sides are free to subpoena any of the contestants
from Celebrity Apprentice.
And hey, some of the rules even favor the Democrats.
This rule says that only Democrats get free ice tea
all day long, and it's right after the rule that says
"absolutely no bathroom breaks."
-(laughter) -No bathroom breaks and free ice tea
sounds like the Democrats are being set up.
And, Kosta, look, it's obvious that Mitch McConnell
is trying to brush this whole impeachment thing under the rug.
I mean, the press have even complained
that he's restricted how they can cover proceedings.
Uh, that's fine, okay?
We don't even need the press in that room.
Everything will be covered by Mitch Magazine, okay?
It... it's like O Magazine, but only for Mitch.
It's very unpopular.
Now, if you'll excuse me, Trevor, I have to go.
I had some of that free ice tea for the Democrats,
and I think it gave me chlamydia, so...
Kosta, ice tea can't give you chlamydia.
Either way, I have chlamydia, so...
All right, well, Michael Kosta, everyone.