-I want to talk about fantasy football.
-Fantasy football. I´m so glad you brought it up.
-Now, I don´t know if that´s sarcastic or --
-No, I´m genuinely pleased you brought it up.
-Are you doing well already, or no?
-I won my first game, yeah. -You did?
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah. Thank you, guys.
Thank you for showing
the correct amount of enthusiasm for that.
-And how long have you been playing fantasy football?
-We´ve been doing it -- Our league is now --
I think this is year 12. -Wow.
-It´s a big deal. We just --
I just spent the entire weekend in Milwaukee with the 12 guys.
-Now, why Milwaukee?
-That guy who won is from Milwaukee,
the guy who won last year.
So, if you win, you have to host everybody the next year.
-Oh, that´s pretty fun. -It´s great.
It´s fun for the guy,
but his wife and three children had to leave the house.
I´m not lying. They had to go elsewhere.
They had to stay with in-laws. -Oh, my goodness.
-Yeah. So I want to thank them, the wife and children.
-You went in there, and you get in there.
Everyone has their laptop. -Yeah.
-And you have your picks already out.
-We also have a big whiteboard with stickers.
-You really go for this thing. -Yeah.
And I´m in charge of getting the whiteboard with stickers.
And it´s like $8 if you buy it a month in advance.
But if you remember the day before....
-It´s $25. -...it´s like $270.
-And what do you do with that board afterwards?
It´s just in his garage?
-Yeah, you just throw it in the garbage.
Yeah, so, we take it fairly seriously.
-How do you research? Do you do, like --
Isn´t there a thing called, like, Rotoworld or something?
-There´s a lot of different websites.
I think a lot of us just look at those websites day of.
Like, I don´t think we plan that far in advance.
-What I do is -- And I think you´re gonna get mad at me.
I autopick. -Yeah, that´s no good.
Here´s the thing about fantasy football.
It´s a fantasy.
And so all 12 people have to agree to the fantasy.
-So your fantasy is you and 12 dudes in a house in Milwaukee?
-That´s my dream. -That´s your fantasy?
-Yeah. -I didn´t know what it was.
-I didn´t want a talk show. I didn´t want to be on TV.
-I didn´t want to have the biggest snow in late night.
-I can´t believe that I couldn´t find
a place closer to Milwaukee.
-With my buddies, yeah. -Yeah.
But, see, the thing is, like,
when you have a fantasy-football league,
everybody has to care about it the same amount,
´cause if you have one person that breaks the fantasy,
then the fantasy is ruined.
If there was one character in "Game of Thrones" who said,
"Ugh, dragons, right," that would ruin it.
"Oh. Okay. How many? Three? That´s convenient."
And that would just -- You don´t want to see that.
And so that´s what I don´t want. -No, I know that.
Yeah, if you have one person that´s not in on the thing,
I´d rather not have them at the party.
I´m like that right now with "Riverdale."
-Oh. -That´s my jam. That´s my jam.
Emmys made a mistake. They really messed up.
That´s the best show on TV. I love it.
-I think that based on --
I don´t think I would be a good person to watch it with you.
-[ Laughs ] -I haven´t seen enough of it.
I think I´d have questions. -It´s fantastic.
-Really? -It´s great! Yes!
-I would say, like, "Does Jughead have the hat?"
-He does, but they do it in a really cool way.
-See? But, again, you would be wasting time
explaining this to me while we should be watching "Riverdale."
-Exactly. Well, but no. There´s a murder.
-Ohh.
-Yeah, there´s a murder. -Is Michael Flatley killed?
-Which one? -Michael Flatley.
-The Lord of the Dance?
-That´s "Riverdance." It´s "Riverdale."
Michael Flatley. Seth, don´t even go into his --
Don´t even enter the wormhole, because you won´t come out.
You know it. -I thought it was "Riverdance."
My bad. You guys got a job to do.
-I do love "Riverdance," as well.
-[ Laughs ] -Oh, my God.
It´s unbelievable. -Yeah.
-Here´s you and your buddies.
´Cause I guess you all get together.
This is how insane you guys -- You guys end up --
Didn´t you break your nose one year?
-Yeah, so, the other thing about our fantasy-football weekends
is, instead of being 40-year-old men who play golf,
like you´re supposed to do at that age,
we play things like street hockey.
And two years ago, I got my nose broken by a hockey stick.
And when you go to the E.R. with a broken nose,
that´s not an okay reason to break your nose
when your age starts with a 4.
-It is not. -Yeah.
-Also, you´re a dad. You can´t do that anymore.
-Uh, no, you can´t come home with injuries like that
´cause then you can´t -- Your kids don´t listen to you
when you say, "Hey, be careful."
Because they say, "Hey, you´re an old man
who was playing hockey in the street."
-But I think that your son should listen to you
´cause I think you -- By the way, you´re a great dad.
And just to prove it, this is a picture
from last Thanksgiving of Frisbee, your dog,
and your beautiful son.
Look at this. -Look at those two.
[ Audience awws ]
-Is that the best picture you´ve ever seen?
That´s a cute baby.
That´s a cute dog.
That´s a little turkey. -Yeah.
-How many pound turkey is this guy?
-That was when I think he was only, like, a 10-pound turkey.
Now he´s a 24-pound turkey.
-You have something you wanted to show on the show tonight.
-Yeah, so, I have a video of my son.
This is recently. This is a summer video.
And I want to show it now because I feel like
as the years go by, as he gets older,
the act that he´s doing here would be less cool
for a dad to say, "Here´s my son."
But I feel like at a year and a half,
it´s still pretty cool that my son jumped into a pool
holding a beer can and did not spill it.
-Here it is. Your son in action.
Here´s Ashe Meyers at a pool party, year and a half.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, he spilled a little. He spilled a little.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-But he didn´t drop it. He didn´t drop it.
-He didn´t drop it. He didn´t drop it.
It´s as big as the baby! -W.C. Fields. Come on.