Welcome to part 2 of the book summary on the subtle art of not giving an F.
If you haven't already, first watch part 1.
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY Often the main difference between a problem sucking and being bearable
is the sense that we chose it and are responsible for it.
If you’re miserable right now, chances are that you feel like a big part of it is outside
your control and you cannot solve it.
It’s a problem that was thrust upon you without being able to choose.
Once you learn to accept that you are responsible for everything in your life, no matter the
external circumstances, you will be able to achieve greater levels of self-improvement
and growth.
We do not always control what happens to us, but we always control how we interpret what
happens to us, as well as how we respond.
Accepting responsibility for our problems is the first step to solving them, because
as soon as we choose to accept responsibility, the more power we exercise over our lives.
It’s important to note the difference that taking responsibility for your problems DOES
NOT mean you are at fault for them.
Fault is past tense.
Responsibility is present tense.
Fault is due to choices that have already been made.
Responsibility is due to choices you’re currently making.
My college health, family, and financial struggles coming together at the same time was the single
most painful and challenging experience of my life, but it was also one of the most important
and influential one.
Most of what happened was completely out of my control, but I took responsibility for
each problem and was able to approach them in a constructive way.
I didn’t blame myself or take fault for these problems, but by taking responsibility
it became the single most defining period in my life.
So how can you all apply this in your lives now?
It can be something as simple as the example from Steph in the organization video.
He holds himself accountable for 15 questions every day and crosses it off his calendar
each day he accomplishes the task.
If he doesn’t, he acknowledges the consequences, which are that he may not perform as well
in his board exams.
He is taking responsibility for his position and is making actionable steps to ensure an
outcome he wants.
DON’T BE SO CERTAIN Certainty is the enemy of growth.
Nothing is for certain until it already happened, and even then it is questionable.
That’s why it is so important to accept the imperfections of our values.
Growth is an iterative process.
When we learn something, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right”.
Instead we go from wrong to slightly less wrong.
So rather than searching for certainty, search for doubt.
Doubt about our own beliefs, feelings, and what the future holds for us.
And instead of looking to be right all the time, try to be wrong.
Being wrong opens up the possibility of change and brings the opportunity for growth.
Don’t even trust your conception of positive and negative experiences.
Like I told you about my own struggles, some of the most difficult and stressful moments
end up being the most formative and motivating.
Most of our beliefs are wrong.
They are malleable, and our memories are horribly unreliable.
If we become certain of our intelligence and our ability to get into medical school, we
are more likely to feel worse in the end.
When you see someone else getting into a better school, you feel slighted, unappreciated and
under-acknowledged.
In these moments, we become susceptible to entitlement: believing that we deserve to
cheat a little to get our way, that others should be punished, etc.
Uncertainty is necessary for progress and growth.
The man who is certain that he knows everything learns nothing.
YOU’RE NOT SPECIAL Going back to the concept of not being extraordinary, Manson applies
this with a different spin.
If you believe your project idea is the dumb one that everyone will laugh at you, or you
are the person that is lame and no fun, you’re actually telling yourself “I’m the exception,
I’m unlike everyone else, I’m different and I'm special’.
Manson argues that this insecurity is essentially narcissism.
So choose to measure yourself in mundane identities: a student, a friend, a creator.
Not as an undiscovered genius.
The more narrow your definition, the more threatening and intimidating it's gonna be.
This means you must give up grandiose ideas about yourself: that you’re uniquely intelligent,
or talented, or good looking, or victimized in ways other people could never even imagine.
DEFINE YOUR GOALS WISELY Traditional goals like graduating from college, buying a lake
house, losing 10 pounds, etc… are limited in the amount of happiness they can produce.
These goals are useful when pursuing quick, short-term benefits, but as guides for our
life trajectory, they are essentially useless.
Rather, our proudest achievements come in the face of the greatest adversity.
This is why many cancer survivors report feeling stronger and more grateful after winning their
battle to survive.
Fear, anxiety, and sadness are not always undesirable or unhelpful – rather they are
representative of the necessary pain for psychological growth.
Just as one may suffer physical pain to build stronger muscles, one must suffer emotional
pain to build greater resilience and a happier life.
“Our most radical changes in perspective happen at the tail end of our worst moments.”
SUSTAIN THE PAIN “Many people, when they feel some form of pain or anger or sadness,
drop everything and attend to numbing out whatever they’re feeling.
Their goal is to get back to ‘feeling good’ again as quickly as possible, even if that
means substances or deluding themselves or returning to their shitty values.
Learn to sustain the pain you’ve chosen.
When you choose a new value, you are choosing to introduce a new form of pain into your
life.
Relish it.
Savor it.
Welcome it with open arms.
Then act despite it.”
JUST DO IT Action isn’t the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it.
Motivation is an endless loop that looks like this: Inspiration → Motivation → Action
and it just circles around, Etc If you lack the motivation to make an important change
in your life, do something and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin
motivating yourself.
This also applies to the pomodoro technique that I’ve spoken about several times on
this channel.
Just by starting something small and menial, larger tasks become much easier.
Once you do the easy stuff, continuing to work on the harder parts is a piece of cake.
CHOOSE QUALITY OVER QUANTITY Have you heard of the paradox of choice?
It refers to the fact we are happier with less.
When we’re overloaded with opportunities and options, we are actually more unhappy.
When you pursue a wide breadth of experience, there are diminishing returns to each new
adventure or thing.
Strangely, there is liberation and freedom in commitment.
Manson argues there is increased opportunity and upside in rejecting alternatives and distractions
in favor of what he’s chosen to let matter to him.
Commitment makes decision making easier and removes FOMO, the fear of missing out.
You know what you have is good enough, so why would you ever feel the need to stress
about chasing more?
Commitment allows you to focus on a few highly important goals and achieve a greater degree
of success than you would otherwise.
Last: REMEMBER YOU’RE GOING TO DIE Strangely, reminding yourself that your life is finite
helps to remove the superficial and meaningless values in life.
In ancient Greece and Rome, keeping death in mind was thought to help you appreciate
life more and remain humble in the face of its adversities.
“The only way to be comfortable with death is to understand and see yourself as something
bigger than yourself; to choose values that stretch beyond serving yourself, that are
simple and immediate and controllable and tolerant of the chaotic world around you.”
I have found that meditation can help provide perspective to life's challenges.
I personally use the Insight timer app on my iPhone for free guided meditations.
Try it out and let us know how meditation works for you.
That is it for this video.
We were doing something new this time around, so let us know if you'd like to see more book
reviews in the future.
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New videos every week, so hit subscribe if you have not already and I will see you guys
in that next one!