[Gravelly voice] Hello everybody! My name is Markiplier,
and guess what! I'm all better!!!
And also guess what!!!
I'm a fucking liar....
Because I'm sicker than I've ever been.
And also I can hear the keyboards firing up right now.
Telling me number one - I can predict the future by the way,
just look down in the comments, see there's the top three comments here.
Number one:
"Mark, you silly little bitch, what the fuck are you doing out of bed?!"
"Tuck yourself in and get some soup in you whatever way you can!"
"Shove it up your butt for all I can (care)!"
"Love you."
"Also, f-fo-go fuck yourself."
"Fo-go-go fuck yourself."
Literally like that.
I don't know why.
They got a little rambly towards the end.
Number 2:
"Old Markiplier was better."
Number 3:
A really detailed thesis on why my math was wrong in the last video.
About the sun exploding, or some bullshit like that.
Literally all those words are typed out.
I don't know why.
They don't know what they're talking about.
And neither do I.
So I-I put myself at like a 50/50 chance of surviving.
You know, RIP me whatever.
Also, I'd say it's about a 50/50 shot of you guys even surviving this video,
considering my voice sounds like two gorillas grinding up against each other
with a bunch of rocks in between their butt cheeks.
(whispers) Rest in piece, Harambe
So this has been a long ass introduction, hope you enjoyed it.
Now I'm gonna get to the actual game I'm gonna play.
Which is called Higher or Lower.
Which may or may not be more higher or lower entertaining than what you just saw.
Nailed it
I got that joke.
Ooh, I'm on fire, lemme go give myself a highfive.
(Hands smack) Bam, uh!
Good thing I get so much funnier when I'm sick
So now, onto the game!
We have the incredibly interesting choice between Nicki Minaj --
Did I explain this game?
I have no god damn idea.
I can't remember what the hell I've done with my life -
but Nicki Minaj versus the Bilderburg Group.
Ah-I don't know what the Bilderburg Group is,
but I'm marginally sure that it's probably more
ch-mo-more popular than Nicki Minaj's butt alone.
So I'm gonna guess lower.
Well wouldn't you thunked it.
It's pretty dang low.
What does 12 angry men have to do with god damn anything?
Is the Bilderberg Group 12 angry men?
I'mma say higher.
'Is probably some - yeess!
Some I don't know.
And there's a lotta things that I don't know.
Oh god.
But how many people could possibly be looking up teacher trainin'?
No one.
After what I've seen.
Yeeeaaah.
That's not a lot of people.
Ooh.
Huh.
Let me consult my brain inventory.
Could teacher training be po-possibly more popular than air pollution?
Huh.
I gotta thunk about that one real hard.
I gotta tap into the deepest recesses of my brain
to deterministic if this - could - it's fucking lower.
Wait, no - I meant that's lower than - no! That's not what I meant!
I did the th - *agitated huff* - I - that's - I look stupid now, but it's not the case!
I was smart! I just thought about it backwards.
I thought it meant even though in the previous two -
I knew the air pollution was more popular - that's what I was trying to say, but in my mind,
when I was crafting up the stupid bullshit that I was gonna say,
I accidentally thunkled it too hard
and I went all backflapwards!
Paris Saint Germain,
which has equivalent searches to Nicki Minaj for some reason.
Ah - Th-That's a-astronomically high so I'mma guess low.
There we go. Nice and low.
Huh. Beauty salon versus teenage pregnancy.
I dunno why you had to pick that picture to put on there.
It's almost inappropriate.
Thank god it's blurred.
I'm guessing -
and this is a state of society thing, not just me -
that teenage pregnancy is searched b--h'ooh! Very close!
Horoscope.
There are a lot of people that do that thing.
I don't,
but a lot of people - wow!
Wow!
That's more than Nicki Minaaaj!
Law school. Fuck off.
Bob doesn't care about you anymore.
Alright.
We're on a roll
I think we're gonna get it.
Huh.
This is oddly appropriate.
Law school versus corruption.
If ya meld the two together
it'd be unstoppable!
Unfortunately, corruption has a higher search rate.
I was correct.
Corruption versus this guy I don't know.
Now this all depends on how popular this guy is in football.
Not American football. Football football.
I'm guessing... whoever this guy is
Is pretty cool.
I'm judging by the back of his head.
And that awesome hairstyle that he's got going on.
Now if he just dyed that red
he might be
incrementally,
marginally,
cooler than me.
Waboozki!
I'm the best.
Hulk Ho-oo
I know Hulk Hogan.
I don't know AC Milan.
Hulk Hogan just had some legal battles just recently.
So I'm guessing that its hiiiii...
I fucked up.
Alright.
Jet Li versus the Houston Rockets
I haven't seen a Jet Li movie in a long time.
But I'm pretty su - ure,
based on my knowledge on sports,
that the Houston Rockets is actually a thing.
So
Yeeeaaah!
Yeeaaa oh...
Huh
Interesting. Well I'll guess lower.
Probably lower.
Wow! Why? Why is schizophrenia..?
Jon!
Get the fuck out of here!
I don't have the voice to yell at you.
Australia vs tattooist.
I'm going to guess lower.
Than the entire-
Wow. That is low.
Ok.
Higher. I don't even need to question it.
I know from random football people.
They're pretty popular.
Walmart.
Higher, everyone's... wow. That is too many searches.
Red Nose Day.
Huh. I don't know what the hell that is,
but I think I know Walmart.
Everyone knows Ol' Adolf.
Nice!
Good to know that Adolf Hitler is more popular than those,
the Houston Rockets.
Recipes vs Adolf Hitler
This is coming down to all the parents of the world,
looking up cooking recipes, even grandparents.
You better pull it out for me.
I don't want Adolf Hitler to be more popular
than recipes. Come on...
Ya fucked it world.
Ya fucked it.
Ya fucked up. Ya made... made Adolf Hitler popular again.
Ya done did fucked it.
Parkinson's versus Carpenters.
What does that have to do with anything?
Is that guy's last name Carpenter?
That's what I'm going to guess.
Imma gonna guess it's higher
cause I'm a winner.
Tom Hanks, you better believe he is more popular than Carpenters
but marginally less popular than Adolf Hitler.
The Great Escape, huh.
Don't know what that is, probably a movie.
If I had to assume anything.
Popeye versus the Great Escape.
Both things that are probably old
but I think people know Popeye.
Ye - Wow!
Popeye's more popular than Adolf Hitler.
but Taylor Swift is probably higher.
Ya god damn right.
Metropolis.. ugh.. I don't know what you're talking about.
Lower.
Yeeaaaa. Alright.
Metropolis versus Piano.
Piano!
Yeaaaaa!
Yea, oh. This is going to be tough.
Ok, specific person... usually lower.
Cause its not that range.
Bada bing.
No one's looking for Homer.
Rugby World Cup, that's got to be higher.
what the fuck!
What the fuck.
Fucking no one likes rugby?
*Sniff*
Imma get to ten, I want to get to ten.
I want to get to ten.
Ok, Super Bowl. Definitely higher.
Ya god damn right.
Nailed it. Cinema Paradiso.
Don't know. Probably not.
Ok, got it.
Budvar, is that... beer?
Fuck!
I fucked it.
It was in a different language.
If something is in a different language, then it ain't fucking the thing.
Arsenal versus Water Polo.
Sorry, that's a lot.
Water Polo. Bolton Wanderes, oh boy, here we go.
Water Polo or Bolton Wanderers?
Don't know what the fuck Bolton Wanderers.. wow!
Just barely edged it.
Edward Snowden, he's pretty popular.
Not as popular as good ol' Adolf.
Paris, probably more popular.
Aaah.
Jennifer Aniston.
*Breathes deeply*
This gonna be tough.
Lower. God damn it.
Why was everyone looking up Jennifer Aninston?
This is bullshit!
I hate this. This is going to be the one.
Geocaching versus The Salvation Army.
I don't know what geocaching is but it god damn popular, apparently.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic - that guy is popular.
I know that.
Australian Open, pff. Not as popular as this guy...
Why is it the Australian Open,
popular, but the World Rugby Cup ain't fuckin popular?
Empire State Bui - oh! I remember the Houston Rockets.
It was just barely higher than that.
Yea it was.
I know the Houston. Barry Manilow.
Probably popular.. No one gives a fuck about Barry Manilow?
Oooh... I'll get you.
Ed Sheeran versus Kurt Angle. Im going to guess lower.
Yea, ok.
Kurt Angle versus Alicia Keys.
Kurt Angle is being sandwiched between two musicians
and he just can't withstand the pressure.
He is like a rock, in between the butt-checks of two gorillas
grinding up against each other.
Sorry Steve.
Mariah Carey, I love it. Bring all the singer train.
I have a general idea of who's - who is more popular than who.
Got it. Nailed it.
Truman Show, fuck off. Google.
Huh, I wonder. It's probably high.
But not as high as I thought it would be.
I don't know what Santander is.
WHAT DA FUCK IS SANTANDER?
Ok, I've gotten a few.
Diana Ross versus Mass Surveillance.
I wish I had some mass surveillance to know what the fuck these answers were.
But I'm willing to bet... people are not searching for that.
Nailed it, ugh.
Was about to - yea, probably Phil Collins is just a little bit more popular.
Yea. Chanel?
Shhh-Cha-sure.
Ok that was a - one of another quality joke.
People are not searching that movie anymore.
OH SHIT!
OH!
Oh damn.
Oh fuck. I did it.
Yea!
I'd celebrate more but I still feel like shit.
Lets keep it rolling.
Considering not many people look for tattooist,
I doubt that there's many people that need a personal assistant.
Bada bing - Bada bingo.
Got it.
What about Stonemason?
Even less popular.
Who needs a stonemason ? God damn no one.
That's right. Real Madrid, that sounds popular.
I was right, I was exactly that much right.
Sorry Martin, can't do ya.
It's not as popular as Real Madrid.
Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Who would be searching for something that specific? Fuck that.
No one. That's right.
I knew it. I'm on to you now.
World War 2? Definitely popular.
If I know something about good ol' Adolf, he is a fucking popular guy.
And he basically ran that shit.
Blacksmith, no way Jose.
Way less.
The Supremes.
People know what that is.
GOD!
Ugh, why can't I yell.
I did it. I did it.
I got seventeen, I'm the best.
I'm the best there ever was, considering I've never seen anyone play this game
I have no god damn idea how I did.
So, I'm done for now.
I am very tired and very sick
So I'm actually going to lay down now and if I'm not better by tomorrow ,
I'm legitimately going to take a day off.
But until then, I need to provide you with that sweet delicious content.
And all these top quality jokes that I'm doing.
So thank you everybody so much for watching,
and as always, I'll see you
In the next video
Buh-bye.