[ tribal music ]
Hi! You didn't see me there.
You know why?
Because I'm Ted Bear.
If you want to survive like me, you've gotta have a sharp wit,
endurance, good looks and a backpack full of ingenuity.
I've got mine on, both straps.
Try to keep up!
Here's the scenario.
You're on an international flight
and the bastard's gone dodgy.
Perhaps an albatross with poor eyesight
has confused your plane engine for a mate
and smacks right into it.
Making your once snug commute into a spiraling
disaster-tastrophe.
Luckily you've left your tray table up
and now you're the only survivor
stuck in some godforsaken jungle.
It's cold, it's muddy, it's wet,
it's hot, it's inconvenient and it's a bugger
out of the way.
Now the first thing you got to do is get a sense of direction.
A good strategy is to find the nearest river and follow it.
[ tribal music ]
After a while, all the walking will leave you
bleeding knackered.
You need to find a source of food.
Because food means carbohydrates,
carbohydrates mean energy,
energy means movement,
movement means survival.
Luckily there are bounties of food in the wilderness.
You just got to know where to look.
Bacon!
We must be underneath a bacon tree!
Now some of these aren't quite ready.
You need to climb higher to find the crispy ones.
Ahh, now there's a nice ripe strip.
You've got yourself a quarter of a complete breakfast
right there.
Time to keep moving. Try and keep up!
Now, we need to find some refreshments to wash it down.
Ahh. What do we have here?
Now, it's very crucial
to reach all the way in the back
to get the freshest milk.
Always, always, always check the expiration date on the back.
It's imperative to your survival.
Ahh, just my luck, chocolate chip muffins.
[ coughs ]
Raisins.
[ tribal music ]
Here we are on some desert island conceivably
in the middle of the ocean.
Without a map we can't be sure.
What we do know is that our body needs water.
Not so fast, mate, this is saltwater.
We need to filter it into something more drinkable.
Now the fruit fish turns saltwater into delicious
drinkable punch.
First we need to find the fruit appendage.
Ahh.
Now, you're probably thinking, "there's no such thing
as a fruit fish!"
Well, you're right.
It's actually a crustacean.
[ tribal music ]
[ muffled speech] ...try and keep up.
[ tribal music ]
Well.
The trick to, uh, survival on...
on a mountain...
[ exhales ]
It's uh...it's hard to catch your breath...
at this elevation.
I'm gonna...
I'm just gonna...
[ snoring ]
[ snap ]
[ sad music ]
[ music ]