And, believe it or not, I quit my day job the next day.
True story.
[crowd claps]
I was scared, man.
I was fucking scared.
Because I didn't have any family support.
Like, my strict traditional Korean dad who wanted me to be a doctor
before I was born...
No, he was severely bumping on this shit, dude.
He was just cursing me out in Korean.
[mutters] "You bring great shame to Jeong family!"
And then after The Hangover... "We are so proud!
I knew you'd make it, boy!
I knew you'd make it! I believe in you."
[crowd cheers]
"We are so proud of your tiny ding-dong. So proud.
The smaller the penis, the bigger the box office!"
[Ken evilly laughs]
Thanks, Papa. Great praise, okay.
And, yes, for those of you wondering, in The Hangover,
yes, that was real in the trunk.
I'm a grower not a show-er, all right?
It was cold, I swear. All right?
It was cold outside, all right?
But I'm secure about it. It's how the pencil writes, bitch.
It's how it writes! Mine can write in cursive.
In cursive!
Oh my God, calligraphy!
Calligraphy! Konnichiwa, bitch!
[crowd claps]
But I tell you, man,
to be Hangover rich and famous as an Asian kid, man...
Asian parents, they don't know how to govern that.
You know, my dad went from "father" to "freeloader," just like that.
[crowd laughs]
I swear to God, as a kid, he was like, "You better get me good grades!"
After The Hangover, "You better get me S-Class Mercedes!
Because E-Class, that's for fucking farmers."
Okay, Papa. Good.
Dude, I would not be here if it wasn't for the fucking Hangover.
Mr. Chow is the best character I've ever played.
He's the funniest character ever.
It put me on the map.
Dude...
Leslie Chow.
I mean, it has brought me so much joy.
The Hangover is the best thing ever to happen
not only to my career, but my fucking life.
That's why I don't mind getting recognized for Mr. Chow wherever I go.
Literally, if anyone asks for a photo or a selfie, I'm always nice about it.
If you look on Twitter, I'm always nice doing Mr. Chow stuff
because I'm dead inside.
Now...
You guys wanna hear some Hangover stories?
[crowd cheers in excitement]
All right.
I live in Los Angeles, the rich part, and I'll tell you...
[audience member] Where?
I'm not going to tell you where, bitch.
I'm not going to tell you I live in Calabasas.
Don't worry, I can say it. It's a gated community.
It's fine.
You ain't getting in. It's fine.
You ain't getting in, bitch.
[crowd cheers]
Okay, I was at a Wells Fargo ATM, withdrawing some cash.
A lot of cash!
And this middle-aged white guy,
this, like, motherfucking guy with a bald head...
No offense, dude. I'm just like...
Hey, I'm sorry.
Oh, my God. Dennis, get a load of this guy.
Oh, my God, that's fucking Locke from Lost over there.
Oh, my God, he's got the secret to the hatch!
Look at that guy! Fucking Lost.
Oh, my God.
He's like an ugly Locke from Lost.
And I'm an ugly Daniel Dae Kim, so it all works out fine.
Daniel Dae "Chins," maybe.
And this fucking white "Ho"-looking motherfucker
is looking at me from a sedan with the window half-cracked open.
True story. He's staring at me, and I'm withdrawing some cash.
Staring at me, withdrawing some cash. Staring at me, withdrawing some cash.
The light turns green so he can go, "Toodle-oo, motherfucker!"
Every fucking day, you know what I mean?