- Hi, and welcome
to the Jessica Kellgren-Fozard Channel.
I'm not doing the intro.
- Oh no, that was quite nice!
Okay, hi.
We're the Kellgren-Fozards, I'm Jessica.
- And I'm Claudia.
- And we're married.
- We're wives!
- We're not just sisters with the same surname.
- Yeah, that happens a lot.
- Strangely, because, not even the same race.
- No, I'm half Malaysian and you're half Swedish.
- Yeah, I don't really see it.
But today's video is not actually a DNA test.
- No. - That would be a good opening
for a video that is a DNA test, though.
We should definitely do that sometime.
- We're gonna prove to you!
And then it'd be like, ooh, well,
it's a 60% match, or something.
- Oh my God! Awkward!
Today's video is a followup
to our Ask Your Lesbian Moms
because people really liked that video.
- Oh, okay, great. - Yeah.
We're gonna make a little series, I guess,
where we answer people's questions.
Submitted on our Instagram, @JessieandClaud.
And today's video
is also sponsored by Skillshare,
so thanks very much for that.
First question, do you ever get odd stares
for indulging in public displays of affection?
- Well.
One, we don't indulge in public.
(they laugh)
- Are you alright? - PDAs!
- Are we not doing okay today?
I should say, I actually have a migraine
right now that looks like someone has
smeared Vaseline across my eyeball.
- Yeah, so one, we don't really do indulging in PDAs.
I mean, we just like, hold hands,
kiss on the lips.
What? (Jessica laughs)
Is that indulging?
- No, no, okay, so like,
indulging in public displays of affection,
I cannot stop saying infection.
- Do you mean like- - It's really hard
to crush that down. - Indulging in the sense
of like, at liberty to?
- It's not like we suddenly start making out,
whilst taking the dogs for a walk,
but as we walk around, I think we're just about
as affectionate as a straight couple
who are in love.
- What? No.
You can't, like, every couple's different.
- Yeah, okay, every couple's different.
I was trying to say that we don't,
stop ourselves from doing it - Anyway, that main question.
- because we're gay. - No one's asking us
how much PDA do we do?
They're asking, do we ever get any odd looks?
Yeah, for sure.
- Yeah, yeah, for sure. - End of!
We're two girls, even if you're okay
with the homosexuals, you're gonna look.
- Yeah, and also stare because you're like,
are they friends?
Like, do you remember when we went to a wedding fair?
And they asked us what day we're getting married,
and we both said the 3rd of September,
and they were like, how lovely
for best friends to get married on the same day!
- And we were like, yeah. - And we were like...
- Before I kind of came out,
I really stared at two girls together.
- Oh, I still super stare.
- I mean, I try to like, not stare
if they're on the tube or the train or whatever,
I'd be like,
no, don't let them catch me looking
otherwise they'll know I'm gay!
- So gay.
So gay.
I mean, we still, to be fair, if we drive past
two dads pushing a buggy, we're like, gay dads!
We live in a really gay city. (laughs)
- Or we see two women who are holding hands, we're like.
- (gasps) Lesbians! Lesbians!
Yeah, we're probably way worse than straight people.
(she laughs)
Me and my girlfriend are 17,
and we've been together a year.
We know that we found the one
and are going to be together
for the rest of our lives.
But we're dealing with the fact
that most people think it's far too early
for us to know, or to consider getting married.
Alright, number one,
there is no such thing as too young
to meet the love of your life.
Because my brother and his wife
met each other when they were 12.
- Yeah.
- They're now clearly married.
- And they're now married, yeah.
- We got engaged after dating
for four and a half months.
That could be seen as early.
We then waited until we'd been together for over two years
to have our actual wedding.
- Yeah.
Personally, I'm 32.
I would say from my personal experience,
I think 17 is too young
to make any long term, serious commitments
in terms of like, marriage.
- I think it's too young to make legal commitments.
- Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
So you could get engaged and say,
and promise each other. - Yeah, totally, get engaged.
- Even if you feel really sure,
you still should, in my opinion,
explore yourself in terms of your own identity.
- I disagree with that. - Jessica's going to disagree.
- Because I never explored my own identity.
- Well, I'm just gonna say this,
but you do know that your mind
is not actually fully mature and developed
until you're like, 24.
- Yeah.
- And I now, looking back can agree to that.
I was like, yeah, I mean, at the time
I thought I was a fully grown adult.
- Yeah, okay.
I am fully behind this relationship.
However, I do agree on not doing anything legal
and binding until you're over the age of 24.
- I just think there's no rush.
Like Abraham Lincoln said.
What is it? What did he say?
- Okay, we're gonna cut to the Skillshare advert
and when we come back, Claudia's gonna give us a quote.
- Okay.
- Today's questions have us thinking about confidence,
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- As Abraham Lincoln said,
nothing valuable can be lost by taking time.
Why on Earth could I not remember that?
See?
'Cause it was so valuable, I had to take time.
- Next question.
How can you tell if a woman is into women
or if they're just into you?
I always think they're just being nice,
but hope they like girls.
Well, the first part,
how can you tell if a woman is into women
or if they're just into you, doesn't matter.
As long as they're into you,
that's all that you should care about.
- Because you could be into someone,
like you're into like Eliza Dushku
in your obsessive way.
But you're not sexually attracted to her.
- I mean, I am sexually attracted to her.
- Shh. - Sorry.
- You're only sexually attracted to me now, darling.
- I'm a Claudia-sexual now, yes.
- Jessica says she's a Claudia-sexual,
she's like, you could be, we talk about the Kinsey scale.
One is completely heterosexual
and six is complete homosexual.
And people like fall into a range.
And I'm like a 4.5,
because I've been with boys before
and I had a boyfriend
that I was in love with and like, you know.
- He's great, he looks like my dad.
- And I wouldn't completely rule out the idea,
I wouldn't be like sick at the thought
of being with a man in the future.
Like yeah, whatever.
Whereas Jessica's like- - If I died.
No other reason. - Yeah, yeah.
Jessica is just like,
I don't care if you were a one,
but like, 0.05% was into me, as long as you're with me.
And I was like, yeah, that's true.
So it doesn't really matter what your sexuality is.
If you're with someone, I guess.
- As long as the person you like likes you,
it doesn't matter who else they like.
That was much shorter. (laughs)
Would you always correct people
when they assume you're straight,
even if it'll cause an argument?
- No.
- I think we said this a lot in the last video
and it still stands here, safety first.
Put your own safety first.
Other people do not need to access
information about you that could put you in danger.
- If there wasn't the,
if it could end in an argument section,
it was just like, that was the end of,
even sometimes when I think
it probably wouldn't end in an argument,
if it's just some random person
that I bumped into in the supermarket
or something like that, I'm not gonna be like,
I'm gay, love!
You know? It's just a bit unnecessary.
'Cause like, I mean- - I'm gay, love!
(they laugh)
- Yeah, just like that.
'Cause I think like- - That was amazing.
- The majority of people are straight.
We're both quite femme lesbians.
So we don't give off an air of, ooh, maybe, are they?
Different? You know?
I think people just assume.
People definitely don't think you are.
- Which is always shocking to me.
Because, other people think this is weird, okay.
But growing up, I always knew I was gay
and it was always shocking to me
when people didn't know I was gay by looking at me.
I'm really into girls.
- Quite clearly.
- Quite clearly!
Have I ever even looked at you?
And boys are like, well, no, but there was this one time.
- Your argument for being clearly gay was,
my whole bedroom wall was covered in posters
of Eliza Dushku, and I'm like, so?
- Not everyone saw your bedroom, Jessica.
- No, but not only that, but like,
lots of like straight people have
people they idolize that are the same sex as them.
So, it's just situational.
But no, I don't come out at every opportunity.
- Although, interestingly, we talk about coming out.
Coming out is a process
that happens every single freaking day.
- It gets kind of tiring.
- Yeah, it's also sometimes why I don't tell people.
I'm just like, I can't be arsed to have this conversation.
- Even if it's not gonna form an argument or hostility,
It's still just like, then they suddenly
become really intrigued
and they wanna ask more questions about it.
- Do you believe that relationships
are meant to be a soulmate concept
where it all yours seems easy
or do you think that considerable effort
needs to be put in for relationships to work?
- I personally believe that
it's a soulmate sort of thing,
and it's all based on communication.
And I would say equality, but Jessica's like, it's equity.
She can explain that one to you.
- It's not about giving everyone the same thing.
It's about giving people what they need.
This is the easiest thing
that's ever happened in my life,
that I've ever done. - But I would say.
- That doesn't devalue other people's relationships, sorry!
- Love should be easy. - This is the hard bit,
I never shut up. - Oh my God!
A relationship that's going to work
based on true love is gonna require some effort
at some points.
But, I don't think it should be seen as hard.
- I think our relationship,
like any relationship, takes work,
but I don't think the work is hard work.
- Yeah, exactly.
- It's very easy.
Because we just overcome everything together
by talking about it.
- Yeah. I don't know, it's hard to explain.
- We work for the goodness of the Kellgren-Fozards,
not for ourselves.
- Yeah.
- I've gone through phases of who I liked,
example, when I was younger,
I was more interested in girls
then I started liking boys,
and now I'm starting to like girls as well as boys.
Do you have any tips on how to find out who you like?
Well, first off, it is absolutely fine
to go up and down, and all around the houses
in your journey towards figuring out who you are,
and what you are, and any of your past phases
do not in any way invalidate
the phase you are in right now.
- No.
I mean, sometimes I'm a little bit like,
am I a lesbian, am I bisexual?
I'm with Jessica, and I'm married,
and she's a woman and therefore, I'm a lesbian.
On that basis, but,
I have had relationships
that I believed were genuine, you know, with men.
So, does that mean I'm bisexual?
- But the point we're making here is, indeed,
how do you feel right now?
It's a bit difficult, isn't it? Because.
- Well, no, but that's what I mean.
'Cause right now I would say I identify as a lesbian
because I'm with Jessica.
But, I don't know.
- Who do you fancy aside from me?
- Well, I don't really like fancy other people.
- Oh, baby, I don't fancy other people either!
- But I will point out that I do sometimes appreciate
a good, like, man's body,
Pecs and abs, and like, big arms.
I'm like, ooh. Yeah.
The point is, it's okay to never really know.
- I'm 14 and I'm lonely.
I haven't been in a relationship for about two years.
I really want to partner, I'm pansexual,
but everyone's telling me
that I definitely don't need one.
There's no one eligible at my school,
but that doesn't stop me being lonely.
Is there anything I can do
other than sit in my room reading fanfic?
- Could you get on some forums
and just make some friends that are like minded as you?
Rather than actually forming
a one-on-one, actual, physical relationship.
Just, meet people who are like yourself, you know?
- I grew up with a well of loneliness inside myself.
And when I was little, I used to think
that perhaps I was a twin
and my twin had died in the womb,
or maybe we'd been separated at birth.
I just knew that I was one of two.
I was a half of a whole.
I needed to find my other whole.
And it really sucked!
And then I met Claudia.
- Yeah.
This is not helpful advice
to this 14 year old right now.
Oh no, sorry. - No, my advice is-
- Your point is, I also too had a sucky lonely life
until I met someone, is that what you're saying?
Okay. So don't give up hope.
- Don't give up hope.
I know it feels like it sucks.
- She didn't meet me 'til she was like, 24.
Just so you know, so you've got 10 years.
- In which time you can just enjoy yourself.
Do whatever you want to do.
There were lots of things that I don't do
now we're in a relationship. - I guess the point is,
have faith. - Just because,
I don't have time.
How do I figure out how out to be at work?
I work in health care and education
and I'm worried that if I had a picture
of my girlfriend on my desk,
it would be considered political.
I live in a large city where queer people are visible,
but it still scares me that I may be scrutinized at my job
if I've put myself out there.
- Yeah, I mean, okay so,
I'm in a similar situation.
I work in Brighton, which is like the gay central city.
- The gay capital of UK, that's how it markets itself.
- And I am also a dental professional.
On the website, there's just a picture of me
'cause there's a picture of everyone's little headshots
for the staff.
And underneath I kind of outed myself, I said,
Claudia lives with her wife and two kids.
That's not... (Jessica laughs)
And her two dogs, I don't know,
anyway, it basically says I'm gay,
'cause I live with my wife.
And I think that's quite nice
because then, people who see it, you know, it's there.
It's not like I'm hiding it.
But I wouldn't have a photo of Jessica in my surgery
because I don't think you should bring your personal life
into when you're working in healthcare.
- Yeah, however, if you worked in an office
where everyone else had personal pictures,
their families, then sure.
Put a picture of your family.
- Oh I meant like, oh,
if it's a private office,
that only your work force are gonna see it,
then yeah, I think that's fine.
I was saying if you were coming,
if you dealt with the public day to day.
- Like if you were a GP.
- Yeah, then no.
- I would like to tack onto this
that no one's existence is political.
The very fact that you exist as a queer person,
does not make you one end or the other
of the political spectrum.
You are a human being
who exists outside of politics,
and whether you should have the right to exist.
Which actually connects to our final question.
My wife and I had been married for about nine months,
and I noticed that we still feel
some pressure to be the model queer relationship.
I would say that a good portion of our friends are straight.
We felt it a lot while we were dating.
People found it so novel
that we were in a queer relationship,
it felt like if we were struggling in our relationship,
we couldn't really open up about it
without facing some scrutiny.
When we were in the role of being the face of
the girl relationship that worked out
despite homophobia in our religious community,
there's pressure to prove
that queer relationships are valid and healthy.
So much so that sometimes I wonder
if we are even able to be honest with ourselves
when we struggle.
Do we ever feel that pressure,
especially with being in the public eye?
- Well, yeah, I mean, luckily,
touch wood, we haven't had to,
we haven't come across any bumpy moments between us
that would then cause any upset,
or anguish about sharing videos.
- You can still answer, do you ever feel
the pressure to be a good queer?
Not for the queer community itself.
More for the broader...
- Personally, no, in terms of their example.
And why that was a lot of pressure,
coming from a background that maybe wasn't so accepting
and then being accepted and then feeling like,
oh, now that we've achieved this,
we have to really sort of show
that it was worth it.
For me, luckily we've both been blessed
that we've had family and friends around us
who've supported it either way, you know?
They've always known you're gay.
I came out before I met Jessica.
I don't think if I was struggling in our relationship,
I wouldn't be scared to tell people.
Because I don't think it would be a reflection
of our sexuality and why it wasn't working
in terms of our sexuality.
It's just a relationship
and relationships are hard sometimes.
- I think it's unfortunate that,
much like any minority,
you do tend to sometimes feel that you stand,
not that you feel yourself,
but other people tend to feel
that you stand as the figurehead for that entire minority.
- I guess there is an element of, at the beginning,
'cause we've been together for six years now,
and we've been married for four years.
So we've kind of almost like proven ourselves
to people, that we made the right decision
when we got engaged quickly,
but we obviously love each other.
- Can I say, I personally felt at the start,
there was a pressure to prove
that our relationship wasn't immature.
That it wasn't in some way
a very infantilized view of the world.
Because we still get that.
And we probably always will,
that as two women, despite the fact we are married,
we own a house together,
we're still always gonna be, the girls.
- Yeah, and also I think people might think,
oh, they don't know what real marriage is like.
- All of our neighbors call us, girls.
- They have it very easy. Anyway...
- It's not from a bad place.
- Maybe I'm in denial and thinking
that I don't always have to prove myself,
but probably I felt like that every day.
And it's such a burden, I've kind of squish it
from my mind and pretend everything's rosy.
(they laugh)
- Okay, well on that note,
we hope we've answered some of your questions
and we'd love if you guys wanna submit more.
We'll probably do another anonymous question sticker
on JessieandClaud again.
So make sure that you're following us on Instagram
so that you can-
- Ask us more things.
- Yes, for next time!
I really enjoy this, I feel like we learn
so much about each other as we go.
- Indeed, and ourselves.
- Indeed.
- Indeed. It is. - This is deep!
Ask us some more meaningful questions, these are nice.
Click the link in the description
to try out Skillshare now
and see how much you can learn.
And thank you so much to them
for sponsoring this video.
See you in our next video.
- Bye. - Bye!
(cheerful jazz music)