>> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY, WELCOME BACK.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU'RE IN FOR A TREAT BECAUSE MY NEXT
GUEST IS ONE OF THE GREATEST TENNIS PLAYERS OF ALL TIME, AND
CERTAINLY ONE OF THE MOST OPINIONATED.
PLEASE WELCOME JOHN McENROE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THERE YOU GO.
THANKS FOR JOINING US TONIGHT.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: NOW, FOR THE UNINNICHATED OUT THERE YOU ARE A
SEVEN-TIME GRAND SLAM CHAMPION, NINE-TIME GRAND SLAM MEN'S
DOUBLE TITLES, ONE GRAND SLAM MIXED DOUBLES TITLE, FORMER
WORLD NUMBER ONE TENNIS PLAYER.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NUMBER ONE.
NOW, YOU ARE KNOWNS IF YOUR OUST BURSTS ON THE COURT.
PEOPLE THINK OF YOU AS A BIT OF AN OUTRAGEOUS CHARACTER AT
TIMES.
BUT YOU HAVE STIRRED THE THE POT, IN A WAY, THAT YOU RARELY
HAVE IN THE PAST BECAUSE THIS WEEKEND YOU TOPPED YOURSELF.
YOU TOLD-- YOU TOPPED YOURSELF, SIR.
YOU TOLD NPR THAT IF SERENA WILLIAMS WERE ON THE MEN'S
CIRCUIT SHE WOULD BE, LIKE, NUMBER 700 IN THE WORLD
( BOOING ).
>> IT DIDN'T GO OVER BIG WITH MY DAUGHTERS, EITHER, OKAY.
>> Stephen: YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS.
>> YOU KNOW-- YOU KNOW-- THANK YOU.
( APPLAUSE ) YOU REMEMBER THE HONEYMOONERS,
RALPH CRAM DEN?
ME AND MY BIG MOUTH!
IT WAS A LITTLE BIT LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: WHAT WAS THE QUESTION THAT LED TO YOU THAT
ANSWER?
>> WELL, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT TO SOMEONE ON NPR RADIO, AND SHE
SAID SOMETHING TO THE EFFECT, SHE WAS ASKING ABOUT SERENA, I
SAID SERENA WILLIAMS IS THE GREATEST FEMALE TENNIS PLAYER
THAT EVER LIVED.
AND I THINK SHE'S ABSOLUTELY TREMENDOUS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND SHE SAID SHE-- SHE FUMED
WITH, "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SAY 'FEMALE' TENNIS PLAYER?
ISN'T SHE THE GREATEST TENNIS PLAYER THAT EVER LIVED."
AND I SAID WAIT, HANG ON A SECOND HERE.
IF WE'RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT, THEN YOU GET INTO A LITTLE
DIFFERENT CATEGORY."
YOU KNOW, DO THEY SAY THAT ABOUT GIRL BASKETBALL PLAYERS THAT
THEY'RE AS GOOD AS MICHAEL JORDAN?
FOR EXAMPLE.
>> Stephen: THEY MIGHT SAY WOMEN'S BASKETBALL PLAYERS
INSTEAD OF GIRLS.
( LAUGHTER ) SURE.
I'M STILL ON AIR TOMORROW.
YOU GET TO LEAVE.
ALL RIGHT?
( LAUGHTER ) >> PEOPLE ALWAYS ASK ME, "CAN
YOU BEAT SERENA WILLIAMS."
WHAT IS THIS, "OOOH."
MY GIRLS DON'T THINK I CAN BEAT HER NOW.
I THOUGHT I COULD BEAT HER.
SHE'S PREGNANT, SO MAYBE I SHOULD PLAY HER NOW.
I'D HAVE A BETTER-- A BETTER CHANCE.
>> Stephen: MIGHT BE-- >> BUT EITHER WAY I WISH HER THE
ABSOLUTE BEST.
SHE'S BEST THING THAT'S HAPPENED TO AMERICAN TENNIS IN THE LAST
10, 15 YEARS.
>> Stephen: YES, YOU SAID-- AFTER WIMBLEDON, YOU ACTUALLY
SAID, AFTER WIMBLEDON IN 2015, YOU SAID, "SERENA IS ARGUABLY
THE GREATEST ATHLETE OF THE LAST 100 YEARS."
>> SHE'S CERTAINLY ONE OF THE GREATEST ATHLETES OF THE LAST
100 YEARS -- >> Stephen: I WAS GIVING YOU
THE OUT.
THAT WAS THE EXIT DOOR.
THAT WAS THE LIFE BOAT I WAS THROWING YOU.
WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STAB IT WITH A KNIFE?
THERE ARE SHARKS IN THE WATER AROUND YOU RIGHT NOW!
>> THAT'S-- THAT'S WHY YOU'RE KICKING ASS, AND MY SHOW LASTED
ON SNBC FOR SIX MONTHS.
12 YEARS AGO.
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU HOSTED-- NOT ONLY DID YOU HOST THAT, BUT I FOUND OUT-- I
FORGOT THIS-- BUT WHEN DAVE WAS HOST OF "THE LATE SHOW,"" HE GOT
SICK AND YOU HOSTED ONE NIGHT?
HOW MANY NIGHTS?
>> JUST ONE, ONE WAS APPARENTLY ENOUGH.
>> Stephen: JUST FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT A TASTE, THERE YOU
ARE HOSTING "THE LATE SHOW."
THE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: MY BROTHER.
IT'S A FRATERNITY.
VERY FEW PEOPLE GET TO SIT BEHIND THESE DESKS.
HOW DID IT GO?
>> WELL, IT DIDN'T GO QUITE AS WELL AS I WOULD HAVE HOPED.
THE MONOLOGUE DIDN'T GO OVER TOO WELL, AND SUBSEQUENTLY WE HAD
HAD A GUEST, FRENCH CHEF.
I MADE SOME TYPE OF COMMENT THAT THE FRENCH HADN'T BACKED US UP
AFTER 9/11 VERY WELL -- >> Stephen: WAIT A SECOND,
WERE YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT SAUTEING SCALLOPS AND GO, "BY
THE WAY, WHY WOULDN'T YOU LET US USE YOUR AIRBASES TO BOMB?"
>> HE DIDN'T LIKE THEY MADE THAT COMMENT, WHICH I GUESS IS FAIR
ENOUGH -- >> Stephen: YOU ACCUSED THE
FRENCH OF BEING PRO TERRORISM.
>> I DID NOT SAY THAT.
WE WERE HAVING FUN DOING A COOKING SEGMENT --
>> Stephen: YOU WERE HAVING FUN AND BROUGHT UP 9/11?
>> YOU HAVE A WAY OF MIXING THIS, YOU KNOW, POLITICS AND
COMEDY.
>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY YOU DON'T NEED TO CONTINUE WITH THE
COMPLIMENTS.
( LAUGHTER ).
>> 10 YEARS LATER, THERE WAS A SHOW ON TV-- IT'S PROBABLY THE
SAME NPR INTERVIEWER THAT SCREWED ME UP WITH SERENA, AND
THEY SAID ERR RUPPIER, IF THERE WAS ONE PERSON YOU WOULDN'T
SERVE IN YOUR RESTAURANT, WHO WOULD THAT BE, IF YOU HAD TO
TICK ONE PERSON IN THE ENTIRE WORLD."
AND HE SAID ME ( LAUGHTER )
PLAWZ.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE A NEW BOOK.
IT'S CALLED "BUT SERIOUSLY."
>> "BUT SERIOUSLY."
>> Stephen: "BUT SERIOUSLY."
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOTHING.
I GOT NOTHING.
I REALLY-- I REALLY ENJOYED IT.
>> JUST READ THE DAMN THING!
JUST READ THE DAMN THING!
>> Stephen: YOU HAD AN EARLIER BOOK CALLED "YOU CANNOT BE
SERIOUS SM.
AND NOW "BUT SERIOUSLY."
WHAT ARE WE LEARNING HERE THAT WE DIDN'T LEARN THE LAST TIME?
>> WE'RE LEARNING THAT HOPEFULLY I'M GROWING AS A PERSON, THAT
I'VE BEEN ABLE TO SOMEWHAT-- ALTHOUGH YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT BY
YESTERDAY.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT I HAVE TRIED TO REINVENT--
I DON'T KNOW IF REINVENT-- BUT TRIED TO LOOK AT THE GLASS HALF
FULL DESPITE BEING RIDICULED MERCLESSLY ON NATIONAL TV AT 12
AT NIGHT.
>> Stephen: SINCE YOU HAVE THIS REPUTATION OF THE GUY WITH
THE QUICK TEMPER, DO YOU EVER DISAPPOINT PEOPLE BY BEING EVEN
TEMPERD?
>> APPARENTLY, I'VE RECENTLY TAKEN UP GOLF A LITTLE BIT --
>> Stephen: "APPARENTLY" MEANING THIS IS A RUMOR YOU JUST
HEARD ABOUT?
YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE MORE.
( LAUGHTER ) WHAT DO YOU MEAN "APPARENTLY?"
>> I DON'T WANT TO ADMIT TO IT BECAUSE I MAY QUIT SOON BECAUSE
IT'S SO FRUSTRATING-- ( LAUGHTER )
WHAT A GREAT CROWD.
( APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: UH-HUH...
>> BASICALLY, THEY WANT ME-- THEY GO, "LOOK, DON'T YELL AT
ME" THE CADDY WILL SAY BEFORE I TEE OFF.
AND THEY'RE UPSET IF I DON'T GET UPSET.
I'M TRYING TO USE REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.
IT'S A MELLOWER MORE MATURE McENROE.
MAYBE I SHOULD GO BACK TO THE OLD GUY.
>> Stephen: I LIKE THIS GUY.
I LIKE THIS GUY, TOO.
>> THANK YOU, I APPRECIATE THAT.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THANKS FOR BEING
HERE MAN.
THANK YOU FOR-- GET BEHIND HERE FOR A SECOND.
I WANT TO YOU SAY GONE.
I'LL LET YOU GET BEHIND THE DESK AND SAY GONE.
SAY GOOD-BYE.
HE'S GOING TO HOST AGAIN.
"THE LA"THE LATE SHOW"" HOST.
HOLD UP THE DAMN BOOK AND READ THAT.
>> "BUT SERIOUSLY" IS ON SALE NOW, ME, EVERYBODY, JOHN
McENROE.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY LILLIE MAE.