- In this video, I'm gonna be breaking down the worst pieces
of dating advice that most people actually believe.
And I'm gonna be sharing with you why that doesn't work
and exactly what to do,
so that you actually have more of a probability
of attracting love and you feel better
about the process along the way.
Now, the first one I'm finding and I'm reading off some
article online and I'm gonna agree with a lot of these,
because it talks about the five worst pieces of advice.
And the first one is,
If you fight, you're more passionate.
This is something that a lot of people may believe.
So if you meet somebody and you argue with them,
or you have things that trigger you,
you may say to yourself,
Oh, this is perfect because this means
that there's actually passion and polarity.
At a certain level, polarity is a very good thing.
So attraction is what normally you have in common,
and sometimes even the subconscious beliefs we have
we'll have in common and we won't even be aware of it.
But then what happens is what makes us different,
is what's called polarity.
So what makes us different can actually be
a very good thing.
Normally in dating and relationships,
you'll recognize or see
that there's normally one person that is a little
bit more extroverted than the other and obviously,
one person that's more introverted than the other.
You may also have somebody that has more,
different levels of emotion than the others.
In actuality as well, this is kind of an interesting
perspective as well when it comes to who we tend to attract,
but we tend to attract people into our lives that express
energy that we have repressed.
So certain energy that we've repressed,
we attract people that express it.
I've seen this in my friend's relationships,
of course not in my relationships because I'm perfect.
I'm just kidding. (chuckles)
I've seen this in my own relationships as well,
where for example,
my girlfriend, she's very emotionally expressive.
She's very excited and the energy that she exudes
is very vibrant, where on my end of it,
in my emotional life there's definitely challenges
that I've had of even expressing my own emotion.
So it's like emotional vulnerability
and I get to learn that from her.
On her side of it, there's other things that she can learn
from me of different emotion that I overly express.
You'll also notice this sometimes in dynamics where
there's different people.
There's always like one person.
I mean, it's, I guess it's also feminine, masculine energy.
A lot of times the feminine
or sometimes the feminine energy
and time is a different construct in the masculine, right?
The masculine shows up on time.
The feminine may be a little bit more flowy
with the process.
And that's also a part of awareness, I guess,
as well sometimes.
But if you fight you are more
passionate is,
the polarity can be a good thing.
But a lot of times,
people justify having,
people may have been raised
by parents where drama was a normality.
So then what happens is they attract someone
in their life that also has a lot of this drama.
And they say, oh yes, this is passion.
And I've even seen it before as well
where people attract people into their lives.
And they're like, I had this happen actually
with my first girlfriend ever after the divorce
of my dad when I was like,
my dad and my ex stepmom when I was 15 or 16,
all of a sudden my brother and I had all this freedom
we were allowed to date.
17, 18. I had my first girlfriend.
Took me like a year or two to figure it out, okay?
I had my first girlfriend and I remember at one point
she literally said to me like
aren't we supposed to be fighting or something?
This feels boring.
We're not fighting.
We're supposed to be fighting.
And I was like, okay,
I guess I could find something to fight about,
which is funny because this also leads me to the next one.
This is something that I did wrong
for so much of my dating life and just my life in general.
And that is this common quote, happy wife, happy life.
Okay?
Now you're probably saying, Aaron, what do you mean?
It's like, of course you gotta make the feminine
happy in order to have that happy life.
The challenge is that the way that normally
people will respond to this is that happy wife,
happy life means pleasing.
This is the most com,
this is a very common way that a lot the masculine
and it's a toxic masculine trait to try to please.
So the way that it actually is the healthy version
of it is the masculine protects and serves,
protects and serves,
helps create a safe space for the feminine,
serves is very different than please.
To serve is to actually do what's best
for your own integrity.
What's best even if the feminine
doesn't necessarily like it,
but it's living according
to your own principles and your own integrity,
pleasing and serving as well is doing something
because it's the right thing to do.
Pleasing is doing something to get a certain result,
oh I'm gonna get this person to like me more,
their validation.
They're gonna be happy so that I can have more sex.
And this is like the perspective of the toxic masculine.
The other side of protect
and serve where serving is pleasing is protect.
And the toxic masculine side to protect is to control.
So sometimes people will want to control.
And when they control,
that is adding in resistance into the process.
That is creating energy
that really also repels the feminine an really
the name of the game is having the masculine energy,
so that the feminine can feel safe.
Alright?
So this is about energy polarity,
but if there's an attachment to someone else's happiness
and someone else feeling a certain way,
and the goal is to, please, that will kill polarity.
And the desire to please comes
from a belief that says, I must please you
in order to get,
I must manipulate you in order to get something from you.
Oh, the, the thing I was gonna say earlier
is the feminine doesn't actually respect the masculine.
That is pleasing.
The feminine may think by the way,
oh, this is what I want somebody to like please me
and to do what I want, but they would not.
Then they would not respect it.
They would not feel safe.
And in a value perspective, it's manipulative.
So then the only form of person that may be attracted
to that is a manipulative,
the manipulative feminine energy that's playing
off of the manipulative masculine energy.
'Cause remember the masculine's
trying to get their needs met.
They want to control and please in order
to get their needs met.
So this is about that process.
Now, let's look at some of the other one.
Now, there is this belief as well.
Here's some toxic ones that some people actually believe.
Now, your perfect matches out there.
Your perfect match is out there.
This is a belief that a lot
of people have that I think also a lot of people
that are in a way maybe avoiding intimacy,
might actually have that belief.
And one of the reasons being is
because if you believe the perfect partner is out there,
your idea of perfection is something that keeps people
at an arms length.
That's also called avoidant and attachment.
Not that we need to get attached to the labels,
but I will say that sometimes
I meet some people that either I'm coaching
or some even friends, and they have this long, long
long list of what their partner needs to have
in order for them to like date somebody.
Not only do they have to make like six figures plus a year,
they need to be six foot three.
They need to have green eyes, dark hair.
They need to have gone to this college
like all of these things.
And it's like, wow, there's such a long laundry list.
There's such a long list,
that it's almost gonna be impossible
for someone to meet every single piece of criteria.
That's why one thing I say it's more beneficial
to do is to have certain qualities that you like
and the values
and the qualities that you want to attract.
So instead of doing that because you,
the idea of perfection is something that's put on a pedestal
and it's very hard to meet the expectations of,
not that you need to lower your standards,
but become more realistic
with things that aren't so superficial,
because those things are, I mean, they're not,
I'd say the energetic things going more general
with energy is gonna actually what makes you happy.
Because I'll tell you what, if you get that six foot
three guy with dark hair and green eyes,
and make six figures, but they're not emotionally available.
You might not be very happy.
You might be able to rationalize, well, he is six foot three
and he does have brown eyes or brown hair and green eyes.
And he has all these things.
I forgot to put on the list emotional availability.
Oh my God!
Started square zero again.
So the key to this is instead
of going after those,
go after general values that you that you value.
Maybe you value vulnerability.
Maybe you value someone that's in their masculine presence.
So then it's like, okay, I'll be my feminine presence.
Maybe it's realizing the qualities you
wanna attract in somebody else,
if you begin to live by those values,
you're more likely to attract that person,
because life attracts like in that way
and whatever you want in the opposite of your partner,
then embody and don't do it, by the way,
You're not doing this to get the person.
Okay, I'm gonna be the divine feminine.
So I can attract the divine masculine.
Be in that feminine energy,
if that's what you enjoy and prefer.
Do it because it's an end of itself.
Otherwise, it's a form of manipulation.
So another common thing that people say
is play hard to get.
Play hard to get.
Once again, if we're going to play games
we're going to attract people that want to play games.
So if you wanna play hard to get, go play, but guess what?
You're gonna attract somebody else
that plays the game with you.
But leading with that version
of playing the game is gonna keep you trapped
in that dynamic.
'Cause playing hard to get is you're playing hard to get
because you wanna get the result.
You may say, well, I love the chase.
I love the game.
I love the play.
But realize that if you want someone that's emotionally
available and vulnerable,
you're gonna have to be
emotionally available and vulnerable.
Which means instead of like, I'm gonna pretend
I don't like this person,
I'm gonna not text them for three days.
No, if you text them when you're actually thinking
about them in a genuine way and they're like, ugh
they're not playing games.
They're not hard to get.
They must not be valuable
and they leave or they don't text you back,
guess what?
You've saved yourself time.
So this only works
when you want a manipulative relationship.
Everything I'm sharing with you
is things that a lot of people actually believe to be true,
but actually hurts attracting love.
And the process of attracting love by the way,
90% of it is letting go
of the belief that you're not loved,
letting go of the belief that you don't deserve love.
letting go of the story you have
about what it takes to attract love
and more so focus on being in your own values,
in your own vulnerability and enjoying your life,
leading in your own life and like having a a dope life
that you're setting up for yourself.
It's really about being in your own frame.
But it's because we believe that we need to be different.
We believe we need to manipulate to get our needs met.
What we're really trying to do is we're trying
to get our childhood needs met that weren't met.
So if mom or dad didn't validate us,
we're looking for that in a partner.
If we didn't feel like we had emotional availability,
we're gonna find that in a partner 'cause it feels familiar,
but we're looking for it.
And we secretly want the emotional availability.
But what was actually familiar to us
is that probably that emotional unavailability.
So one more that we'll do that is a very common one
that I wanna share is the idea of soulmates, twin flames,
and all these other things that will infuse on our reality.
And I see this happen so often in the spiritual community,
is they're looking for their twin flame, their soulmate,
the one person that's the other half to their soul.
Guess what happens when you look for the other half
to your soul, you're looking outside of yourself
for something that is already inside of yourself.
You're already whole and complete.
You're a whole, holistic, eternal, spiritual being.
And if you believe that somebody outside
of yourself has your happiness, then guess what?
That's gonna have you searching
for everything outside of yourself.
And then all this pressure you also put
on someone else,
don't you know, you're my soulmate.
Don't you know, you're the other half to my soul,
that will freak the hell outta somebody.
It will run quicker than you can imagine
because you're like, you don't know it yet.
You aren't aware, but you're my twin flame soul mate,
my other half to my soul.
I know you don't know this yet, but one day you will.
And they're just thinking, okay, I need space.
I need space.
And then you're like I don't wanna give you space,
'cause if I give you space, you're gonna leave.
And you don't know this, but you're my twin flame soulmate.
I see it happen so often.
- That's a story that's been bought into.
You're already an internal spiritual being
living a temporary human experience
and what I call twin flame.
There's something called oneitis.
Oneitis is where you say,
that person is the one and you put them on a pedestal.
And they're the greatest thing
since Swiss Cheese or whatever, I don't know,
since sliced bread.
And they're so amazing and everything better work out.
Everything's on the pedestal.
That's called oneitis.
What I call twin flameitis or soulmateitis,
is the one that you're looking for.
That's just the end of all happiness.
It's gonna make you so happy.
But you put it on a pedestal
and guess what ends up happening?
You create a lot of unnecessary resistance.
You freak the hell out of them and then they run away.
So what is better?
Let go of twin flamemitis, which is really a scarcity play
of story that you keep telling yourself.
There are 7 billion people out there in the world,
but the twin part changed my flame.
Share the half to my soul.
No, you could still have deep connections as well.
And for my own experience with this twin flame
and these soul soulmates, you may have many soulmates.
Alright?
You may have many connections
with people and sometimes certain relationships
may serve a certain purpose to wake you up,
to understand your own love and to do that inner work.
But if you try to fit that into a different category,
you're like, no, I need to force this to work.
You'll create a lot of resistance and pain.
And I know because I've been through that and it is painful.
'Cause you're trying to force something to work,
that's not working.
So these are all things that a lot of people believe.
The key is breaking down the old belief systems
and then choosing what and who you actually are.
And then as well, if you haven't texted me yet,
you can text me at my number at 424-304-0104.
And I will text you one to three times a week.
My top books I'm reading, top epiphanies I'm learning,
high vibe thoughts of the week,
all of these things.
And all you gotta do is text me.
And you can also ask me your questions and I'll
be answering those in future YouTube videos.
And then also as well.
And one of my most powerful videos is the five traits
of extremely attractive people that anybody can take on.
Realize that attractiveness is all energetic based.
This video right here will change your life.
- These are the five traits of extremely magnetic people.
So people that you perceive
to have very contagious energy,
energy that kind of pulls you in,
makes you desire more,
makes them in a way irresistible.
I'm gonna show you what those five traits are and how.