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We return now to the Presidential Poetry Slam and Q&A
This is "Bird's Eye"
There was always parts of birds in our ice cream
Such as a little bird's eye
Vividly, I ate a bird's eye
Stephanie, where's the bird's eye?
Wait, here's a little wing
Help me, it's crunchy, why's that?
Don't wanna touch it
Eww, look a beak... guess everything's here.
I call this "Brown Bikini"
We lived our white lie in a red cage that's now gone
Anger... rust...
And the summer ice I couldn't melt in a brown bikini
It's time to take a question from one of the members of our audience
Yes, Lady Clinton... what does your friend know about the poop in a basket left behind for the -
Ma'am, this question is over.
Oh, okay, thank you!
Mr. Trump, your next poem
This is "Mike the Merry Cricket"
Mike just loved to sing
And when he was little, the bees and the toucan would always stop by
Until one horrible day there's cricket meat in the gravy
Yes, there was
And what it was, was
Mike The Merry Cricket.
We stay too fast for the wicked cadavers
The ones who are dead and yet live.
Look, there's a face of a skeleton in the sand where a person once died
Just because zombies
I think we have a question now from this man
Yes, Mr. Trump
Why is it that, in front of all the people, you're kind of nasty?
Excuse me, I don't meed the people
I want me, personally
Forget all the people!
See, that's nasty
Don't talk
Oooh, sorry about Little Miss Sunshine, sir
He's afraid of brownness, can't forget about that
I'm sorry sir
I shouldn't have said "brownness"
I'm not proud of that
Can I get you a coffee or a nice doughnut?
It's just too much, it's lovely to meet you, and
Just... wanna... I...
I love you, buddy
Mr Trump has a poem next
It was not good in my garden that year
It was not good in my garden
I am not brave
I am a merchant
My trade was bad for me, but
For my family, and for my fearful son Drake,
It sure LOOKED like bravery
But it was not good in my garden that year
It was not good in my garden
Your response Secretary Clinton
All right, all right, okay kids
This is newish
It's called "Stealthily Bobby" and it goes like this
Stealthily, Bobby licked the mirror in high school
The janitor went "hi ho! oui, oui!"
"Come and dance for us"
"On this sea of hope you're sure to float, like a boat"
"Come home and smell our candle scent, oui oui"
"Come and dance for us"
"You can meet Lou. He's a great dude and a surfer."
Okay, let's have another question from the audience
Let's see, my card says-
Oh wait, this is empty!
I'm a butthead, so I'm just gonna wing it
My Becky is so blonde, she forgot to make her bed once
She's kinda...
My Becky is so blonde, she first tried to make out with a bird
That doesn't-
My Becky is so blonde, she froze our tomato plant once
Hey, stop talking soon or the witch will come get you...
Oh dang
No, don't worry, look I don't want any champagne
I don't like juice that's aged
Instead, I want a big chocolate milk
And I think eventually, the world will see that chocolate milk is the chocolatiest thing out on the planet that you can drink
Oh my gosh, that's a bunch of flies! It's like so many
It's freaking me out
Does she not know they're there?
I just... I don't know
Ummm, let me -
Martha, don't ruin this... ok?
Where are the women?
The shepherd abandons the sheep
And he puts away his wife's old shoe
And he drives his big gold car
Marci was a problem
Like Twila, Debbie, and Lola
And before he can love you, you have to SHUT THE LIP