Mrs. Benson, please. I--
Because of you, I had to stop right in the middle
of rubbing anti-tick lotion on Freddie!
Mom, I don't have ticks!
They hide in your leg hair.
I don't have leg hair!
Which worries me deeply!
Uh.
Freddie, you didn't sign the shampoo agreement.
How do I know if you double pooed?
You thought I was kidding.
Spencer, you have a stain on your shirt.
Go put on a fresh one.
Ha-ha. But you're not my mother.
- Mm! - I'll put on a clean shirt.
Mom, I don't have a swimsuit.
Which is why I just stopped at mall-mart
and bought you this.
[laughing]
Look, mom--
Let's go.
Ohh!
Fredward Benson! You got a tattoo?
Uh.
We told him it was wrong.
"Fredward"?
Mom, I--
- You come with me right now. - Where?
To a doctor to have that blemish removed!
No! Removing tattoos is extremely painful.
So is being the mother of a delinquent!
No, but mom--
[arguing]
[grunting]
[whistle blowing]
What? Foul! Come on!
[cheering and booing]
Out of my way!
You want a piece of me, Toder?!
[fighting]
Uh! Hey! Help me!
[fighting]
[moaning]
Got my first aid kit.
Wow, that's large.
Thank you.
Hold out your hand.
Is it gonna sting 'cause I don't want it to--
[screaming]
That's nice.
Bandage.
And you know what's gonna make you
feel even better?
Oh, is it from Dr. Lollipop?
A visit from Dr. Sugar Free Lollipop.
Hey.
- Lick slower. - Sorry.
Why is the counter wet and sticky?
Oh... well the-- I had to--
Wet and sticky is very icky.
Sticky and wet makes mommy upset.
I don't know how to respond to that.
Uh.
Breaker 1/9.
Hi. Sorry to barge-- Freddie, give me that!
[sighing]
You know I don't like you handling tools.
- Mom. - Let's go.
Come on. I'm trying to live my life.
Um, if somebody wants to get to the mall in time
to sit on somebody's lap and tell somebody
what he wants for Christmas, somebody better hurry up.
Awe, is little Freddie going to see Santa Claus?
No! Let's go.
[sighing]
I tried to keep it vague.
Well, it didn't work.
You've never even seen an MMA fight.
I don't have to.
I know that exposure to violence
is very bad for a teenage boy's development.
- Says who? - I read it
on aggressiveparenting.com.
Freddie, I got you some--
[screaming]
What the yuck?!
- Nothing! - Mom, I wasn't!
- Nothing! Nothing! - Nothing!
Ah, I was taking his temperature!
What do you mean?
See? 98.6 Healthy as a duck! Bye!
- Oh! Oh! - Carly, don't leave!
She's beating me with your underwear! Uh!
Mom.
Oh, no, no, no. Mom, mom, please!
Oh! No! Mom!
Mrs. Benson, you're kind of drawing a crowd.
Oh, are you all Freddie's friends?
No, no, no. Mom, they're not all my friends.
Who wants to see his baby pictures?
Oh, good. I've got a bunch
- on my phone. - Mrs. Benson.
Mom, do not show them--
There is Freddie wearing his special diaper.
[screaming]
Oh and here's baby Freddie in the bathtub.
[laughing]
I'm out! Move!
Alright... I'll just go then.
[laughing]
Mom!
You tried to vacuum my ear while I was sleeping?
Please, let me finish.
Mom, please leave.
After you finish your vegetables.
Oh, my g--
You better finish that with gosh.
Dear Gosh, please make her leave.
Dude, just finish your asparagus
so we can get on with the show.
Uh.
♪
Don't sing this song.
Right in here.
Who are these people?
The elderly, they all live in this building.
But why are you bringing them in here?
Every apartment is nearly 100 degrees inside.
Yours is the only one with air conditioning.
Why can't they go somewhere--
When temperatures get too high, the elderly will start to die.
Wow, that's a creepy rhyme.
It's alright. She lives here.
- Who are you? - Gunsmoke.
He's a bodyguard. I hired him to guard Freddie's body
in case that Shadow Hammer man shows up here.
Gunsmoke's fought in three wars.
Why would you give me something worth this much money?
So, you'll do something for me in return.
That seems fair.
What do you want me to do?
Stop dating Sam.
How'd you know?
Yes. How did you know?
It doesn't matter. If you want that bar of palladium,
you tell that no good Puckett to find some other boy to ruin.
You can't bribe me to break up with Sam.
- But Freddie! - No chance!
[screaming and crying]
Nah, I'm just ironing Freddie's underwear.
No, we're not renting bowling shoes.
Because I refuse to put my feet in public footwear.
[alarm sounding]
What's that?
[alarm sounding]
Oh, my God. Freddie's in trouble.
- How you know? - I just know!
What if that crazy Nora girl has done something again.
Alright, alright, chill your wig.
- I've gotta go help Freddie. - Okay, I'll take you.
I can drive myself!
No. It'll be too much traffic.
We'll get there quicker on my motorcycle.
Okay.
Freddie!
Mom!
T-Bo!
Chicken?
[clucking]
Freddie!
[panting]
Careful Sam, those are sharp!
So are these!
You girls want a little taste of a fencin' Benson?
[fighting]
[screaming]
Wha-- What the Jack? What is that?
A tick gasser.
You know how I used to give Freddie tick baths?
Yeah.
Well, now I can get rid of ticks
with this industrial gasser.
Industrial?
[screaming]
You're gonna feel a powerful burning sensation!
I do!
[screaming]
What are these scales for?
Tell her.
Well, what's the point of eating nutritious food
if we don't know exactly
how much nutrition our bodies absorb?
I don't understand.
We weigh the food before it goes in.
Yeah.
Then later we weigh what comes out.
Oh.