The women-to-women discussions are
a safe space for friends and I to discuss how we've owned--
you get that?
O-W-N-- our health, taking full agency
of our bodies, of our minds, of our souls, and our spirits.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
I am so happy to sit down with the dynamic, the beautiful,
the layered, Destiny--
right?
Layered-- Destiny Payton today.
She's a cast member of the hit OWN reality series, "Love
and Marriage, Huntsville."
She's not just a reality star, of course not.
But she's an entrepreneur, she's a mom, she's a friend,
she's all those things.
She's the chief executive officer of MaDonni Group LLC,
and she made history as the first Black-owned beauty supply
store and salon suites in Alabama.
But her proudest accomplishment is being a proud mama
to her beautiful boy, son, Law.
- Yes. - Hey, girl.
Hi.
How are you?
I am wonderful.
I am so happy to have you here.
- I'm so happy to be here. - I'm so happy--
look, before we go anywhere, let's just start there.
Hello. Cheers.
[INTERPOSING VOICES] - How are you?
Hello, hello, hello.
So, Destiny, I have to welcome you to "OWN Your Health,"
women-to-women discussions.
This is a new series that we're starting,
and I'm just really delighted to be
having conversation with you about things
that really matter to us.
So I want to know about everything
that is going on with you.
So tell me how change showed up in your life
over the last year?
Well, first and foremost, thank you for having me.
And I have-- do you have time?
[LAUGHTER] We here.
We here.
And look, we got wine, we got water.
We here.
We might have to go through a lot of that.
It's all good.
Change showed up in my life with just
dealing with a lot of trauma, a lot of, as I call them, storms,
and just being tired of going through it.
I remember saying to God, when is it going to stop?
And I realized I had to change my mindset from what was coming
at me, because I was attracting more of it
because I was focusing on it.
And that's where the change started.
I think about--
and I appreciate what you said about mindset--
but I think about what we experience as Black women,
and it's always a lot at one time.
It's always a lot.
So how are you still standing?
By the grace of God.
That's first and foremost.
And then some days, I don't know.
[LAUGHS]
I get it, I get it, I feel you.
Like, I don't know.
I don't know.
It's funny because I had a conversation
with a complete stranger one day.
I was at a restaurant--
I tend to go on dates with myself.
That's good.
That's healthy. That's healthy.
It is.
And I always end up talking to somebody.
So I'm eating and enjoying myself,
and I was just telling my life in the last year.
And it was an older gentleman and he said to me,
you just told me somebody's 10-year lifespan that
happened to you in one year.
And it just kind of hit me like, you right.
Yeah. Like, you're right.
That's a lot.
Yeah.
And then I became grateful that I didn't lose my mind
and that I was able to continue to push
through all those storms.
So what happened to go through--
to get married, have the baby, and then get
divorced so quickly?
And what do we need to know?
For me, the situation just got too far
where I felt like I was the third person in my marriage.
I tried to find a balance or the harmony in it
and seeing what it could be.
And this is why I say don't fall in love with potential
because it's very dangerous when you do that,
because you'll stay there for what you see,
and the other person may not ever
want to be that or see that.
And it just got really unhealthy.
Really, really unhealthy.
And unsafe, mentally and-- but it just gets to a point
where you have to choose you, for your own sanity,
for your own peace.
I just know I couldn't live like that.
On the show you talk about conceiving and--
you've had some health challenges
in the past, including miscarriages--
which I'm so sorry for.
So my heart feels your pain.
But then learning about being pregnant with Law
while going through this divorce.
Like, how were you managing and what was that like?
I got married in September, I was
pregnant in October, naturally, after five miscarriages.
Thank God. That was nothing but God.
Nothing but God.
TAI BEAUCHAMP: Nothing but God.
And the part about it is when I found out I was pregnant,
I heard God say to me, he's strong, he's coming.
And I heard it clear as day.
I heard it clear as day.
And so I really didn't have any worries,
I just knew that I needed to sit down.
I knew that I needed to be still.
There was no going to work, there was no--
I really literally opened my business from my bed.
Because my plan was that I would work in my corporate job
for another year in sales and then
I would transition into just going
straight into the business.
And so God said, well, I had a different story for you.
You're gonna get pregnant, and you're going to sit down,
and you're going to have to leave that job
and be on bed rest for a while and figure
out how to continue this process with your business.
And so I moved to Huntsville with my husband--
ex-husband now-- but moved to Huntsville.
And a lot of things happened in that short period of time.
We actually had to move into a hotel for four months
while I was pregnant during the pandemic in May.
And June, I had my baby shower.
I went to my 36-week checkup, and I was in labor early.
My son was supposed to be here on 7/11.
He decided to come on Juneteenth on his own.
Yas, Juneteenth baby.
[LAUGHTER]
He made a statement.
Yes, Juneteenth.
We here.
He made a statement.
And three weeks after giving birth to my son,
I was hit with divorce papers.
Oh my gosh.
I would literally-- because I was so nervous about taking him
places, but I wanted him to get vitamin D,
I wanted him to get the sun-- so I literally pull out
of my driveway, sit in my car, and just let the sun hit him,
and I would meditate and pray.
And someone knocked on my window--
and I thought it was one of the HOA people,
and there was someone that served me papers.
Oh my gosh.
And my ex-husband was upstairs in the house.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
And you were doing all this while still filming the show--
Yes.
--and not really sharing any of that.
So, I mean, there are so many questions I have.
And I think as Black women, we normalize a lot
of the stressors that happen--
DESTINY PAYTON: We do.
--in our lives, and--
Sadly, we do.
And we deal with it.
And we're like, we're just going to push through.
We're just going to make it happen.
What I realized about me in just my journey
from being a little girl and going through foster care
and my mom being on drugs and my dad raising me
and that being abnormal to be a girl
child with a father raising her by himself,
that I'm used to surviving.
Like, I've made survival normal.
And I remember I was speaking at an engagement and I said,
I'm sick and tired of surviving.
I know how to do that very well.
Like, I know how to do that really well.
I'm ready to thrive.
What have you learned about yourself,
is the first question.
Then I have a follow-up.
That it's OK to have help.
It's OK to allow people to take care of you,
and that you don't always have to be the strong one.
And that's big for me.
Because a lot of times--
I even had to say to my friends in the moment,
like, hey, check with your strong friends.
I know I'm the one-- - Like me.
Yeah. Like, hey, I'm talking about me!
Call me. Call me.
Say, hey, I'm not OK.
Check on me.
But I had to say that because they're
so used to me just being OK and being the survivor.
And I'm just like, it was just a lie.
I even had some friends from the show,
they were like, why didn't we know you
were going through all of this?
Like, forget the cameras--
Why do you think it was so hard--
I mean, obviously, I understand it's a reality show,
you didn't want it to become a part of it
and be more salacious, so I get that.
But you didn't feel like you had a safe space to even
share what was happening?
Who knew as you were going through it?
Melody.
Melody, she knew everything.
The only thing she didn't know was the day I signed my papers.
Also, I didn't even tell my family.
I didn't tell my dad-- - Gosh.
--I didn't tell--
Oh my gosh.
--my grandmother didn't know.
My grandmother found out when he posted on Facebook.
TAI BEAUCHAMP: Gosh.
And she was heartbroken.
A Facebook post?
A Facebook post.
Yeah.
And so your family found out there?
Tell me what owning your health means.
Owning your health means to me starting with your mental.
A lot of my mental where it came from those moments,
and just sitting with myself and being real honest.
Like, I even said to my ex-husband
at one of our drop-off days, I'm sorry for whatever part
I played in the demise of our marriage,
even though I feel like the pendulum
was a lot heavier on this side.
But to be honest with yourself and with myself, I
had to acknowledge whatever it was that I did
that brought that to a head.
And a lot of times, our egos won't let us do that,
and that I just need to stay focused on being authentic,
being good to people, being good to myself,
and surrounding myself with people
that are on the same path.
So my last question is, what is the one thing
you wish for all Black women?
Unity.
I wish unity and togetherness and the understanding
that we go so much further together,
and for us to use our power for good.
There's a lot of power in this melanin.
Power in the melanin.
Well, you just got another sister.
[SQUEALS]
So I want to just thank you like--
you so lot.
[SQUEALING]
Thank you for--
I'm so grateful for you, sister.
--sharing the, like--
sharing your journey and being so transparent
and being vulnerable, because I know that women
are going to benefit from it.
And I think part of where we are right
now is it's just the opportunity for us
to see ourselves, to have that mirror to know that you're
not alone in the journey.
And then that is sometimes--
And it's OK to be safe.
Thank you, Destiny. DESTINY PAYTON: Thank you.
This was good. [LAUGHTER]
- This was good.
This [INAUDIBLE] good.
There's all this wine, by the way.
[INAUDIBLE]
Cheers.
TAI BEAUCHAMP: I hope you've enjoyed watching me
and Destiny today.
For more women-to-women discussions,
subscribe to OWN's YouTube channel and my IG
by going to @taibeau.
And, of course, if you want to stay connected
and follow Destiny, please follow her on Instagram
@thedestinypayton.
That's it.
CREW: Yep. That's it.
OK.
CREW: Amazing! [BEEP]
[WHOOSH]