-I definitely have been, like, caught up in scripting
and stressed out about deadlines
and freaking out about, like,
how to turn this into a story,
and I realized that I haven't really --
I haven't really processed any of this.
And I had a meeting with Michelle this morning about --
Like, it was supposed to be a storyboarding meeting,
and the first thing she asked me was,
like, "Are you okay?"
and I was like, "No, I'm not.
Like, I'm not okay.
I'm really stressed out, and I'm freaked out."
It was just disappointing, like --
It's just really disappointing, and I --
I'm really sad and worried,
and it's like --
I had so many other, like -- -There we go.
Reframed it.
-My mom and I are really close.
I am her only child.
I told her I was getting these tests done,
but I haven't told her my results yet.
Holding on to this and having not told her for this long,
it's, like, scary -- It's, like, just weighing on me.
Like, talking to her will make it more real
and, like, more human and less production.
Hey, Mom, how are you?
-Hi. I'm good.
Can you hear me okay?
-Yeah, yeah, I can hear you. -How did it go?
-Um, my results weren't very good at all.
-Okay.
Okay.
Does she feel that that's another reason to go forward
with collecting the eggs?
-She was saying that that makes me a surprisingly good candidate
to freeze my eggs because of the low numbers
I have for someone who's 29.
Basically, it turned a $7,000 investment into,
like, twice that, if not more.
-Your father and I, we support you fully.
You know that.
-I mean, at this point,
I'm still deciding what I want to do.
-Stay strong, sweetheart.
-Thanks, Mom. Love you.
-Okay. -Bye.
-Love you, too. Bye-bye.
-I have a really big family, with lots of kids.
And I've always imagined that for myself.
But I never stop to think about how my fertility and, really,
my life course might affect that --
until now.
Do you ever think about, like, what you want to be
when you grow up
or, like, what kind of life you want to live as an adult?
-Yeah. -What does it look like?
Do you have kids in your future?
-Yes. -How many?
-Like five or six.
-A good life, big house, about six cars.
-I'm very curious about what age these six cars
come into your life.
-Uh, late 20s, early 30s.
-Oh.
Early -- okay. All right.
Y'all are some ambitious cousins.
I'm very impressed.
I talked to the rest of my family
about everything I've learned so far,
and they were surprisingly understanding.
-Jackie, how do you feel about Nicole freezing her eggs?
-I feel very supportive of the idea.
I always consider a life mate as a thing of chance,
because you may meet them sooner and you may meet them later,
and for us as women,
I feel that gives you a chance
to at least preserve your options.
-Some even opened up about their own struggles.
-Well, that's why my son has Asperger's,
because I had him at 42.
Although I'm happy that I had one egg left
that could be fertilized.
But, you know, God knew my -- He knew the desire of my heart,
and that was to be a mother.
-Take your time. It's okay.
-I'm sorry.
I get emotional when I talk about having my son,
because I had prayed for him -- or her.
And when I got pregnant, I was happy.
I wasn't even thinking about the risks that were involved
in having a child past the age of 40,
but at the same time, like I said, God answered my prayers.
He knew the desires of my heart, and He blessed me with my son.
-This is my cousin, Justice.
Justice is an only child but not by choice.
I talked to his parents, my aunt and uncle, about what it was
like trying to have kids in their late 30s.
-We're blessed with Justice, who's such a great kid.
But he had stated, especially growing up,
"Mommy, I want to be a big brother," but it hurts.
We did have four miscarriages, and maybe, if I had had insight
or realized there was an option to even do this,
that might have changed the outcome.
-I don't really think I was allowed to grieve,
because I had to support her.
That's another thing we don't talk about --
'cause you the man, you got to be strong.
But every time she gets pregnant,
I'm formulating names for my children.
I'm fantasizing what we're gonna do when we grow up,
you know, where we're gonna travel.
Yes, it's something that needs to be talked about,
and it needs to be an option.
-I want you to experience going through a pregnancy.
For you to want to talk about it
so openly, it's unheard of, really.
-It was an emotional trip home,
but my family gave me a lot to think about,
especially when it comes to being intentional about the life
I want to create for myself.
All right.
So, I've had a chance to process my results
and also really spend time with my family
and think about what family planning means to me.
I know what it's like to be surrounded by love,
and I want to continue that legacy.
So, in many ways, it's a no-brainer
for me to freeze my eggs,
but I still don't know if I can afford it,
and I really don't understand the potential consequences
or risks to doing this.
So in the next episode, we'll talk all about pros
and cons and investigate how much money this really costs.
Hey, it's Nicole.
In the next few episodes, we're gonna get into
some really tricky territory.
This topic is emotional,
and it can feel like a high-stakes industry.
How do we protect ourselves and make sure
we aren't taken advantage of?
We have an entire Facebook group dedicated to this series
and to fertility where you can ask questions, tell stories,
and help us produce the next episode.
Join us, and I'll see you there.