-Hey.
Hey, up here.
Hi, I'm Jimmy Fallon. Welcome to another edition
of "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."
I'm up in a tree.
Paper comes from trees.
Written on this paper is redcross.org/statefarm.
Our good neighbors at State Farm decided
that they would match up to $100,000 in donations this week.
So please donate to that.
In fact, in just two days
I got to say it's working and in a big way,
and it's really cool and really important and really fun,
so that State Farm got very excited and called us
and said they're actually going to double that.
That's how well it's going. So it's working, guys.
So thank you so much. This is awesome.
Up to $200,000 they're going to match this week.
So please donate to that.
It is working. What you're doing is great.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
We have a great show tonight.
Former Vice President Joe Biden is on our show tonight.
We're gonna be talking about coronavirus,
the election, how coronavirus has affected the election.
And there's so many -- so much stuff
we have to talk about tonight.
Also, I'll be talking with Lady Gaga,
who has a giant announcement
that she wants to make tonight on our show.
We appreciate that.
And we'll be talking to Andy Puddicombe, who is...
[Quietly] the owner and very calm -- very calm voice
that you hear when you have Headspace app.
He's whispering in your ear.
[ Normal voice ] That's the voice.
Andy is on the show tonight, going to tell us
about meditation and why it's important,
and is it hard? Is it easy?
How we can do it? Breathing. How to deal with anxiety.
We'll be talking with him.
And then we're going to close the show tonight
with Marcus Mumford, with a new song from him.
So thank you, Marcus. We love you.
Guys, how about we do a little monologue?
Need help getting up here?
Hey, guys, before we start this monologue,
I wanted to show you a really cool video from Anna Higgins,
who is Steve Higgins' daughter, our announcer.
This is a video of her.
She's a nurse over at Mt. Sinai in Manhattan.
And she goes to work every day.
And she was walking to work
and decided to videotape her walk to work.
Take a look at how cool this is.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You can do it, New York!
-I love you, New York. Stay strong.
That is awesome.
Guys, let's get to the monologue. Here we go.
Welcome to "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition" monologue.
This is very exciting. Joe Biden is my guest tonight.
He's actually pretty spry for 77.
For example, he's going to Zoom with me tonight.
That's right, Biden's been campaigning from home,
but it's a little awkward.
Every day, he shakes hands with his wife, Jill,
and asks where she's from. [ Chuckles ]
That's right, Biden has been running for president from home.
That's right. It's just him, his family,
and 10,000 Crest Whitestrips.
Well, guys, today is U.S. Census Day.
Yep, the census happens once every 10 years
like a Batman reboot or a Larry King marriage.
Some sports news -- There's a chance
that the Tour de France might get canceled.
Not 'cause of the virus -- 'cause after two months at home,
no one wants to be seen in spandex.
I saw that some neighbors are communicating with window signs.
That's right, you can write "hi" to your neighbor, "stay strong,"
or "Why did you park in front of my house
when there's a spot in front of yours?"
Meanwhile, some adults are turning to coloring books
as a way to relieve stress.
Yep, it relieves stress right up until your kids realize
someone's filled in all their coloring books.
"Mom!"
Some entertainment news --
Christopher Maloney will reprise his "Law & Order" character,
Elliot Stabler, in a new spin-off series.
Even though it's not "Law & Order,"
somehow Ice-T will show up in every scene
to say, "Guess we better pay him a visit."
And now fans of movie "Little Women" have found a water bottle
and a hydroflask in the background of a scene.
Unfortunately, once you notice the flub,
it really ruins the scene that takes place
at a Buffalo Wild Wings.
And finally, over 4,000 pounds of drugs were found
in a tunnel near San Diego.
The drugs have a street value of $30 million,
or roughly one full package of Charmin.
And that's tonight's monologue.
Thank you very much, everybody.
Well, we wanted to check in with our pal, Lady Gaga.
She has some big news she wanted to talk to me about today.
So I got to FaceTime with her.
Connecting.
Yeah. Hi. Lady Gaga?
-Hi. Hi, everyone.
-We have a big maybe announcement
that you're going to say tonight on our show?
-I can't, Jimmy.
I can't talk right now.
I'm really sorry.
It's just, like, a really weird time --
Hello? -Yeah.
-Jimmy? I can't see you. -You're on --
-Am I on TV?
-Yeah. -Hold on.
-Sorry. You're on TV. I apologize.
[ Phone ringing ]
Wait, what's -- -Wait. Hold on.
-What's the big news?
[ Phone ringing ]
-Hey, guys, can you push that call back one minute, please?
-Yep, okay.
-There's something that you're working on, very big,
that's going to help people out right now.
-I can't -- I can't --
I can't tell you everything right now,
because I'm still ironing out the details.
And I have a lot of phone calls today.
-Do you want me to call you back?
What's a good time, like 10 minutes?
-Can you call me -- Can you call me Friday?
-Can I call you on Friday? -Yeah.
-[ Laughs ] It's --
Yeah. It's --
-Am I on TV?
-It's Wednesday.
-Can I call Fallon on Friday?
Okay, thank you.
Friday's great. I can do Friday.
-Okay, I'll do Friday. I'll talk to you --
-It's for COVID-19.
-Okay. Alright. I'll call you on Friday.
-Bye. Love you. -Bye, pal. I love you, too.
-I'm so sorry I can't talk right now. I'm so sorry.
I just -- I want to get --
I'm trying --
-If it's big, we'll make sure it's --
Okay, alright, here we go.
Alright. I'll call you on Friday.
Okay. So I guess I won't be talking to her
about the big news until Friday.
So we have until Friday
to guess what the big news is going to be.
Oh, wait, she called me back.
Hello?
-I'm sorry, I just have to --
Can we just move our time?
-Yeah, you want me to move it?
-Yeah, I -- Can we do it Monday?
I promise we'll do it Monday.
-You want to wait till Monday. Today's Wednesday, so --
Monday? [ Laughs ]
[ Phone ringing ]
Oh, my heavens, you are the busiest person!
[ Laughing ]
So I guess it's Monday.
Monday is when we'll find out the big news from Lady Gaga.
Not today, Wednesday, no.
Not Friday, nope.
Next Monday is when we'll find out the big news from Lady Gaga.
Thank you, Gaga, and I cannot wait to find out
what you're brewing. It's going to be fun.
Guys, right now, it's my time -- It's Wednesday.
It's time to show you some of my favorite videos
that I've seen you guys make in this quarantine.
It's called "What Are You Doing Wednesdays."
♪♪
Alright, so, this is "What Are You Doing Wednesdays."
We all know what you're doing. You're staying at home,
but these videos all made me laugh.
This first one here is a granddaughter
and her grandfather having a dance-off,
but distance -- socially distancing dance-off.
Please enjoy.
♪♪
Grandpa's got the moves.
This next video is a girl who wants to --
She's tired of her boyfriend playing games.
He's gaming too much during quarantine.
So she wanted him to stop.
And this is her idea of how to make him stop.
-Hey, babe.
[ Laughing ]
Hold on, guys. Alisha's on my shoulders.
What's going -- Jesus Christ!
-Our last one, this guy misses swimming so much,
but he thought of way around it in this quarantine.
Pretty ingenious. Check it out.
-[ Gasps ]
[ Gasping ]
-That was "What Are You Doing Wednesdays."
Thank you so much for those. Keep filming yourself
doing all sorts of crazy stuff during this quarantine.
We'll be scouring the web and picking our favorites.