- [Jen] Today was a lot of fun.
- I had a great time.
Same thing tomorrow?
- Sure.
- Awesome.
(kisses)
- And this is for you.
(chuckles)
(door shutting)
(paper rustling)
- [Voiceover] Dear Steven,
I'm not sure you know who I am,
but trust me, we'll become well acquainted soon enough.
(swoosh)
Apologies in advance to your bed sheets.
You know, blood stains are easy to clean if you act fast.
(upbeat music)
(bag rustling)
For what it's worth, I'm deeply sorry.
(exhales heavily)
- Okay.
- [Voiceover] I'm writing to inform you
that I will be arriving at Jen's apartment
some time tomorrow morning.
While I don't know the length of my stay,
I can say that it'll probably be in the range
of five to seven days, give or take.
Now, here's the deal.
I don't know what it is about me,
but for some reason, boyfriends
act weird when I'm in town.
(dramatic music)
For example, there was Marcus.
He wasn't especially accommodating.
- Wow, really going to town there aren't you?
- I'm hungry.
(laughs)
- I can see that.
What?
Somebody's sensitive today.
- [Voiceover] Exhibited some signs of paranoia.
- Wanna put some pants on?
- Uh, no, why?
- I mean I just got the car cleaned.
- [Voiceover] Wasn't the biggest proponent
of privacy. - Hey bro,
there's no way I'm gonna be able to go out tonight.
No, you know who is on her you know what.
(dramatic music)
No, no, it's her period bro, yeah.
- [Voiceover] A classic dick head.
Then there was Ryan.
(dramatic music)
- Jennifer (door slams) I'm home.
- Oh my God, wine and ice cream?
You got these for me?
- These are for me.
- [Voiceover] Always a bit dramatic during my visits.
If you didn't know any better,
you'd think it was his time of the month.
(dramatic music) (growling)
(dramatic music)
- Of all weeks, it had to be this week.
I know you can't control it,
but this is terrible timing for me.
You know what the worst part is?
We can't even have sex!
- No, no, no, we can.
- No we can't.
- Yes we can.
- No, it's impossible.
(dramatic music)
- [Voiceover] I suppose I was simply,
too much to bare,
but maybe you'll be different.
Maybe you'll make it through the cramps.
(rustling)
(clicking)
- You good?
- Yep.
- [Voiceover] The aches.
(groaning)
- Hey, I was thinking we could, uh...
(groaning)
- [Voiceover] The Acne.
- Hey, uh you about ready to go?
(swoosh)
- Yep, just gimme like five minutes.
(upbeat music)
- [Voiceover] The trips to the bathroom.
- Hey, I'm just gonna use the bathroom
for like three to five hours, so.
(upbeat music)
- [Voiceover] More trips
to the bathroom (toilet flushing)
The shopping and hours upon hours
of reality t.v.
- [TV Announcer] Coming up on
Keeping Up With The Kardashians,
Chloe gets to do a scuffle when Ken.
Things get serious - [Voiceover] Just Breathe.
I know this might sound harsh,
but here are three ground rules
you must live by so you don't (bleep) this up.
Excuse my french, I'm on my period.
First and foremost, never complain.
If you've got a problem
with your girlfriend's period,
you can file a complaint with the
International Club of Whiney Little Bitches,
but last thing she wants to hear
is how much (groaning)
of an inconvenience (groaning)
her period is to you. (groaning)
Number two.
Be helpful.
How?
You can help by picking up some tampons for your place.
I'm not saying that you need to frame the things
for all your friends to see,
just shove 'em in that bathroom cabinet
that you haven't opened since the last time
you ran out of toilet paper.
And last, if she wants to have sex,
man up.
It's gonna make her feel better,
it's gonna make you feel better,
and if you're worried about leakage,
there's these things called towels.
I'm sure you can figure out how they work.
Look, I'm not asking you to be my friend,
but trust me, accidents happen
and if one does...
(dramatic music)
(baby crying)
I'm going to be, the best friend
you've ever had.
Sincerely, Jen's Period.
(knocking)
P.S. everything they say about chocolate is true.
(upbeat music)
- [Voiceover] Yeah dude, she's still on her period.
I'm walking around with a bucket under her legs.
She keeps wearing skirts dude.
(zooming)
(screaming)
(swooshing)
(squeaking)