I was diagnosed with depression ever since I was 14.
Living with depression feels like there’s a ticking bomb inside you, counting down the
seconds, until it finally reaches zero. Then darkness surrounds all over you, and there’s
little to no way out.
When I was seventeen, my self esteem was down, I felt so alone, I just hated myself for having
these problems.
The fact that I was in junior in high school was already stressful enough, but the fact
that the environment at school felt way much better than at home, it was too much for me
to carry.
My parents are all traditional. Chores had to be done everyday, the apartment had to be
perfectly clean and there wasn't one day I wouldn’t be put to shame for not doing things right.
If I didn’t meet my mom and dad’s expectation, I would get yelled at.
Then senior came along.
I was afraid of turning 18 because I believed my parents would put more expectation on me.
I secretly hoped they would forget my birthday... they didn't.
After stressful senior year, I finally reach my goal of graduation, but the struggle didn't end there.
I still lived with my parents live with my parents and, the rule applied that as long
as I’m under their roof, I still have to follow their rules, and still get yelled at,
and be put to shame for not doing things right on the first try.
One evening, I felt so alone, I gathered the courage to go talk about how I felt to my dad.
It was something I was afraid of doing; talk about my feelings to my parents because
I would always end up feeling worse than when I began.
Everything went downhill after I tried to confront both my mom and dad, and tell
them to please take it easy on me, but their high expectations was too much for me.
When everything failed I begin to break down so bad.
I felt pain only mentally and emotionally, but physically.
I was breathing too fast and sobbing so hard, because I felt so crushed at the fact that my parents
would not change their ways of applying pressure on me to be perfect.
That evening I was brought to the hospital by my therapist.
I spent 10 days in the hospital before I got discharged.
But I wasn't ready to go back to my parents house.
I had barely begun to value myself, to have set myself to know that I'm worth something,
and that I have the right to make choices.
So I arrange things with my best friend, and currently, I am staying there until I am ready
to go back to my parents, to gather plenty of armor against the many struggles I will
have to face in the future.
My depression something is that makes my life a little challenging, but the thing is
I love challenges.
Bring It On.