[Invader - Jim Johnston]
Boomstick: Sci-fi movies have taught me two very important things. One: I want my own lightsaber and Two: The future blows.
Wiz: It's unavoidable, the warrior of the next millennium is the machine.
Such as The Terminator, the time traveling metal assassin.
Boomstick: And RoboCop, Detroit's cyborg defender.
Wiz: These mechanized combatants have fought before, but never in a no-holds-barred, one-on-one duel to the death.
Boomstick: Or without brand restrictions. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.
[The Terminator (1984) - Main Theme]
Wiz: In the distant future of 2004, the government deployed the world's first automated defense network, Skynet, to keep everybody on the planet safe and happy.
Boomstick: So, Skynet used the planet's nuclear arsenal to annihilate most of humanity and take over the world. The age of machines had begun.
[A Day In The Life - Terminator 3]
Wiz: To combat the remaining human resistance, Skynet developed a specialized breed of robotic soldier.
Boomstick: Affectionately called the Terminator.
Wiz: Standing 6'2" and weighing almost 400 lbs,
the T-850 Terminator is a cybernetic organism - living tissue surrounding a hyper-alloy endoskeleton.
This made the perfect disguise, capable of infiltrating enemy ranks with its human visage.
Boomstick: Basically the whole point of the Terminator was to blend in with normal people, and then kill them.
Yes, because two time power lifting champion ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER is totally your average guy!
Wiz: Sure, but only the Model 101 Class looked like that. The Terminator has hundreds of different possible faces.
Boomstick: What was that one designed for? Attracting women and making men feel inadequate?
Guy in hallway: Damn!
[I'll Be Back - Terminator 2: Judgement Day]
Wiz: Using time displacement equipment, the Terminator was sent back in time to stop Skynet's greatest rival:
John Connor, leader of the human resistance.
Boomstick: This model was first sent to super early abort John Connor,
then protect John Connor, then protect John Connor again, and then blow up this bitch.
Terminator: You are terminated.
T-X: (screams)
[Trust Me - Terminator 2: Judgement Day]
Wiz: The T-850 is powered by twin hydrogen fuel cells. A single cell can last up to 120 years, but extensive damage may rupture the cell to critical condition.
Boomstick: And it blows up like a small hydrogen bomb.
Wiz: Similar to the explosion that brought down the Hindenburg.
Boomstick: Luckily for Arnie, he can ditch a damaged cell before that happens, and he works just fine with just only one left,
like Lance Armstrong, without the steroids.
Wiz: The Terminator is programmed with an abundance of subroutine data, including Skynet's extensive logs on all combat and weaponry throughout Earth's history.
This even includes data on all previous T-800 models.
Through this, he technically has more experience and skill then any human being could ever possibly achieve.
[Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines - T3] Boomstick: But while he's a master in all weaponry, he does have his favorites.
In the future, the Terminator wields an M-27 Phased Plasma Rifle, which is too heavy and powerful for any ordinary person to use.
When the time period doesn't have any space guns lying around, his weapons of choice include a Hardballer Longslide pistol,
a 12-gauge Franchi shotgun,
a portable M79 Grenade Launcher,
and the beautiful M134 mini-gun.
Oh man, just looking at it makes me feel wonderful pants feelings.
Wiz: Speaking of feelings, the Terminator is a learning machine, adapting to human behavior through observation and interaction.
It can even learn to feel genuinely sad, which is odd since Skynet designed it to be a merciless mass murderer.
John Connor: Jesus, you were gonna kill that guy!
Terminator: Of course. I'm a Terminator.
John Connor: Just put up your hand and say "I swear I won't kill anyone".
Terminator: I swear I will not kill anyone.
He'll live.
[Helicopter Chase - Terminator 2: Judgement Day]
Boomstick: Sad or not, The Terminator is a beast in combat. He's even taken down superior models like the next-gen T-900's,
the nearly invincible T-1000,
and even the T-X, which is actually an anti-Terminator.
Wiz: The Terminator is a master marksman, with advance analysis, calculative, and observational tools.
He can survive massive blows, power shortages, and getting dragged through an entire city.
Plus, after the last T-800 was melted in a steel mill, Skynet upgraded his titanium endoskeleton to coltan,
which can withstand extreme temperatures over 3000 degrees Celsius.
Boomstick: Why even bother making new Terminators? The T-850 is clearly the best.
Terminator: Hasta-la-vista, baby.
(shoots the frozen T-1000)
[It's Over, Good Bye - Terminator 2: Judgment Day]
Wiz: Each Terminator is not unique, made by assembly for quick deployment.
To save time, Skynet forgoes high end software protection, leaving the Terminator easily hackable.
In fact, the one T-850 who protected Connor on Judgement day was reprogrammed not once,
but four separate times. Just screams lazy, lazy design.
Terminator: Fuck you asshole.
[Terminator 2: Judgement Day - Main Theme] Boomstick: But it's a little hard to hack something that can kill you with one hand in twenty million different ways.
The Terminator is one of the deadliest assassins in movie history. If you get in his way, don't bother running, you're already dead.
Terminator: I'll be back.
[RoboCop 1987 - Rock Shop]
Wiz: Alex J. Murphy was a good police officer with a good family, as with many good cops, that all changed when he was transferred to Detroit, Michigan.
What began as a routine patrol through the city became the most important moment of Murphy's life:
his death.
Boomstick: HOLY SHIT!
Boomstick: Damn! That guy can eat more bullets then 50 Cent!
[RoboCop 1987 - Across the Board]
Wiz: Murphy would have been six feet under, if the mega corporation Omni Consumer Products had not stepped in.
By privatizing Detroit's police force, OCP technically owned Murphy's corpse.
Boomstick: That doesn't seem legal at all!
Wiz: With unchecked crime on the rise, OCP's...uhh...forward thinking executive, Bob Morton proposed a bailout plan so ridiculously absurd, it just might work.
[RoboCop 1987 - Rock Shop] Boomstick: They would rebuild Murphy. Better, stronger, with less flexibility, which of course, means robo parts.
The result was one bad mother f***er: RoboCop.
Bob Morton: What are your prime directives?
RoboCop: Serve the Public Trust.
Protect the innocent
Uphold the law.
Rapist: *Screams in pain*
Boomstick: With the durability of a tank, and the firepower of a one man army, RoboCop nearly annihilated all of Detroit's street crime in just a couple of days. The man was unstoppable.
Wiz: But was he man, or machine?
[RoboCop - The Dream] Male Officer: This guy is really good.
Female Officer: He's not a guy; he's a machine.
Wiz: RoboCop is 99% artificial, but he relies on the most complicated known machinery, a human brain.
Boomstick: Even after OCP tried to make him their own personal robo-pet, the man called Murphy still lived.
Wiz: With no family, a contorted public image, and the constant threat of deactivation by his corporate owners, the struggle to regain his humanity would consume Murphy's every waking moment,
while also fighting crime, and that's just his good days.
Boomstick: Fortunately, his cutting edge arsenal makes locking up the bad guys the easiest part.
Housed in his nifty right leg is the custom Auto-9 machine pistol, one of the most powerful hand cannons ever made.
In his left leg, he's got several tactical ordnance grenades, each with adjustable power levels.
Wiz: At level three, a single ordnance can annihilate a metal security door. So just imagine what maximum level ten can do.
Boomstick: If he needs a bit more firepower, Murphy has an attachable Weapon Arm; complete with machine gun, flamethrower, and anti-tank smart bomb missile,
and for those extra special moments, there's the Cobra Assault Cannon, which goes boom, and then there's no more anything.
(RoboCop shoots the ED-209)
Sitcom Guy: I´d buy THAT for a dollar.
Wiz: He also has a subsonic jetpack, which helps him jump sharks.
Boomstick: I-I don't even...
Pudface Morgan: Where's your sense of humor?
RoboCop: Right here.
Boomstick: Jesus Christ.
Wiz: Murphy is also equipped with state-of-the-art hardware and software...
...including a thermograph, a video recorder and a terminal strip for collecting data.
Boomstick: Or for ripping out throats. Just look at that thing!
Wiz: No wonder Detroit's falling apart. All their USB flash drives can double as shivs.
Boomstick: Murphy's armour is made up of carbo-ceramic reinforced titanium with laminated Kevlar.
Which basically means it will stop pretty much anything.
it's like the Pepperidge Farm red packaging of armor
RoboCop: I'm composed of titanium.
I don't believe you are.
Your move.
Boomstick: Each leg has two ram bolts which can anchor him into the ground to stop fleeing motor boats and speeding cars.
Wiz: He also has a targeting system so precise he can catch and even shoot bullets out of thin air!
Boomstick: Expert marksman? More like master of the impossible!
Criminal: Don't try to follow me!
RoboCop: We won't.
Criminal: The baby's going with me!
RoboCop: No.
Criminal: I'll kill it man! I'll do it, I'll fucking kill it!
RoboCop: We can't have that.
Wiz: Murphy has defeated plenty of technically superior combat machines and endured dozens of seemingly fatal situations.
He's strong enough to lift a 10-ton armored door, tough enough to survive a bazooka...
...brave enough to plunge into a giant nuclear plant monster thing and kill it from inside?
Boomstick: Note to self: Remember to weed garden.
Wiz: And if that's not crazy enough for you, he's even rescued Sting from the Four Horsemen in WCW Wrestling.
Yes, this is real.
Boomstick: Murphy may be a walking tank but he also moves like one.
He's SO SLOOOOW!
Wiz: His main function is to chase the bad guys! You'd think OCP would have prioritised running legs over, say, his Frisbee skills.
Also, Murphy's battery can only last about 24 hours without recharging.
But consistent damage can quickly drain his power.
In prolonged combat with someone his equal, Murphy is in constant danger of power failure.
Boomstick: To top it off, his human parts add extra vulnerability which is stupid because it means he can even get a common cold and-
RoboCop: *Sneezes*
Boomstick: FUCKING SNEEZE LIGHTNING BOLTS OUT OF HIS FACE!
It doesn't matter how many flaws he's got, Robocop is a badass!
(RoboCop withdraws his handgun)
Old Man: Nice shooting, son, what's your name?
RoboCop: Murphy.
Wiz: All right the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a ROBO DEATH BATTLLLLLLEEEEE!
Gun Shop Owner: Holy shit!
Hey, where'd you come from?
How did you do that?
Terminator: Give me your guns,
And your clothes.
Now!
Gun Shop Owner: Oh hey buddy, that's not really my thing...
Hey! What are you doing?
Don't touch that!
AHHHHHHH!
*BOOM*
Freeze, creep!
You are under arrest!
Come quietly or there will be....
Trouble.
Negative.
Walk away if you want to live.
You are coming with me...
Alive...
...Or dead.
FIGHT!
Out of my way.
Take that, you criminal scu-
Hasta la vista...
Baby.
*BOOM*
Good news scum...
You are no longer under arrest.
Do you plan on hiding forever?
No!
*PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW*
Time to bring you down to earth.
Your move.
Property damage,
Resisting arrest,
Assaulting an officer,
Murderer,
Your hot streak ends.
Fuck you, dickwad!
You have the right to remain silent.
I suggest you exercise it.
*BOOOOOM*
Nine shots.
You're out.
Checkmate.
What are you doing?
This fight is over.
Not... yet.
Hydrogen fuel cells, ruptured!
You are TERMINATED!
I'll... be... back!
*BOOM*
K.O!
I don't think he'll be back from that one.
Terminator may have held the speed advantage but RoboCop trumped everything
else.
His arsenal certainly had more destructive force behind it.
You think the Terminator's space rifle would be enough but RoboCop has tanked
plasma shots before.
In fact, the difference in survivability is very clear-cut. RoboCop fell from the
top of a skyscraper, onto a gas main, which then exploded and he was fine.
The Terminator was blown up by a homemade pipe bomb.
RoboCop pushed a building busting bomb into a warehouse, (that's solid brick by the way) which detonated IN HIS FACE and he was fine.
The Terminator was obliterated by the same kind of explosion.
RoboCop stopped and reversed a 3,000 PSI hydraulic press with his bare hands.
Y-You guys see where this is going now right?
And being part human means Murphy can think more creatively. Adding a level of unpredictability the Terminator could not immediately understand.
The Terminator almost had a victory until it blew up in his face.
The winner is RoboCop.
NEXT TIME ON DEATH BATTLE!