(audience laughs)
- Anyone else have one of those nativity plays
where they just let any fucker in?
(audience laughs)
Yeah, they're ridiculous.
I stood up there on stage as the emu
next to a lobster and Sonic the Hedgehog.
(audience laughs)
And my mom would try to cheer me up about it.
She'd be like, Jack, you never know.
There may have been an emu in the manger.
I'm like, Mommy, let's look at the facts, here.
Firstly, emus, native to Australia.
And more importantly, they can't fly.
So unless this emu was a very strong swimmer
or shagging one of the Wise Men, I call bullshit.
(audience laughs)
- [Announcer] It's the world premier of "Emu, the Musical."
- [Narrator] And Mary did have a baby,
and he was called Jesus.
- [Crowd] Jesus.
- [Narrator] And the Lord was pleased.
♪ Perhaps you recognize the scene ♪
♪ It's not so strange for you and me ♪
♪ It looks kind of familiar ♪
♪ But look again, what do you see ♪
(audience cheers and applauds)
♪ Forget the donkey ♪
♪ Forget the sheep ♪
♪ Forget Baby Jesus ♪
♪ It's all about me ♪
♪ The emu ♪
♪ The nativity that we were taught ♪
♪ Turns out not to be entirely true ♪
- Rude. - Rude.
♪ Here's the Christmas story you've never heard ♪
♪ The central character's a flightless bird ♪
♪ I was an emu, a weakling born ♪
♪ To my father, the classic fool ♪
♪ Didn't recognize my worth ♪
♪ Sent me away to boarding school ♪
♪ Cue tiny violins ♪
♪ All alone in my dormitory ♪
♪ The other emus all ignored me ♪
♪ Sat alone watching the clock ♪
♪ Me and my tuck box and our crunchy sock ♪
(audience laughs)