- [Narrator] This video will contain multiple stories.
I will leave a link in the description
if you would like to read the comments on these stories.
Also, most of the videos on my channel
will have closed caption.
So if you prefer, you can follow along that way.
Please feel free to leave a comment.
As always, thank you for listening and watching.
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what to do if you're Ex-girlfriend wants you back?
Ex-girlfriend of eight years, who dumped me,
came back after five months, but I am sorta seeing someone.
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- [Male Bolt] We were high school sweethearts,
known her for 10 years
and we basically grew up together in our relationship.
She left me while I was in a pretty rough spot.
My father passed away a month before she left
due to lung cancer.
Plus it was quarantine and COVID was raging
so I couldn't even see her.
So she kind of broke it off over the phone.
She left because I just stopped caring about myself.
I was struggling with severe depression and anxiety,
gained a lot of weight
and basically went numb for everything.
And another reason was that she needed to explore
what was out there because I was her only boyfriend.
And she felt like she needed to figure out who she was.
I must add that my depression lasted for years.
I had trouble with my parents and it ruined me emotionally.
She was kind about it and really helped me a lot.
She made me start therapy, made me work out, work on myself.
It's just that it got too severe at one moment
and she just couldn't take it anymore.
It was a wake up call for me.
I took it like a man.
I left her alone and respected her decision.
I started working out like crazy
and doing a lot of self improvement.
At first as an attempt to get her back.
But later I started loving the process.
I lost 25 pounds, got shredded, ran a marathon,
up my personal business and got better.
All in all different person.
One night I came to my favorite bar
and noticed a cute waitress working.
We immediately hit it off.
I bought her a couple of drinks,
walked her home and we kissed.
Since then It's been a wild ride.
We started dating, but we're not really exclusive yet.
We have amazing chemistry, amazing intimacy,
and we get along freakishly well.
She's so supportive.
Makes me talk about my feeling, depression, my father.
She's really into me in every way possible.
The problem is, my EX came back one day.
Saying she wants us to try again.
Saying how she realized what she lost
and how amazing I turned out to become.
I told her it's best we don't speak
or see each other for a while
because I don't know what to think of all of that,
which she respected.
Since then I can't get her out of my head.
I think about her 24/7 and I don't know what to do.
She actually told me when we met,
"Why did a breakup have to happen in order for you
"to become everything I ever wanted?"
So I'm pretty sure it was the fact that she saw me
as a different person that made her want to come back.
Now that I've changed and grown it sounds so tempting
for me to start fresh with her
and give it another go as this new and improved person.
I don't blame her, at times it was like she was my mother
and no one likes to be that in a relationship.
I've learned my lesson from all of this
and I believe I could be a better boyfriend now.
If I leave this girl I'm seeing now,
I'll maybe waste something potentially amazing
that can last a long time.
But if I don't get back with my EX of eight years,
I feel like will haunt me forever.
I was up front with a new girl and told her everything.
She was very understanding and calm about it,
saying how she'll respect whatever decision I make.
But mentioning how she would like us to continue
because she sees potential in us as a couple.
She actually proposed, I go out and talk with my EX,
which I thought was a very mature move.
But I feel like it would be disrespectful towards her
while we're dating,
and I feel like I'd first have to end things with her
in order to see my EX with a clear mind.
What do I do?
This is really driving me insane.
I feel like everyone deserves a second chance
and that everyone is allowed to make a bad call
and a mistake.
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- [Narrator] Your first girlfriend left
when you were perhaps at your worst
and also claimed she needed to explore.
Her reason for wanting you back is basically
because of how amazing you turned out.
Your relationship ran its course,
over eight years she left you for these reasons.
It's highly possible to repeat itself.
It honestly shows her lack of respect
and integrity in my opinion.
Second girl deserves a shot with you from how it sounds.
Move on.
First girl had her shot.
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I have no idea if OP given another shot with his EX.
But please keep in mind that people here
are only getting a small snippet of his
and the EXs relationship when they were going
through a rough spot.
So when the posters say,
"We, as outsiders can see your EX's behavior,"
we really can't.
We only get to see her at her worst.
For all we know she might have been patient with OP
for a number of years and slowly fell out of love.
Maybe he slowly became a different person
from how it used to be.
Yes, her timing was terrible,
but maybe he was getting a lot of support
from friends and family and she felt
she could no longer lie to him.
My takeaway is that the EX was honest.
She respected him and didn't cheat on him
or end it in a nasty way.
This is something that this board is always advising
how it should be done.
So with this in mind, maybe giving her a second chance
is not so bad.
It is certainly better than people giving cheaters
a second chance, right?
If we can't give an EX a second chance
when things end amicably, when can we,
yes, I know the timing was bad,
but if she had fallen out of love,
then the lie she was living was magnified by acting
as a supporting girlfriend.
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Their relationship is being in good times and bad times.
She left him when he was in bad times.
Now that he is well, she returns.
OP not deserving of an intermittent relationship
with the person who only wants him in good times.
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I disagree.
If a relationship has become unhealthy,
you don't need to stick it out.
Sometimes the bad times become the only times
and you need to leave for your own sake.
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Possibly in any long relationship
there will always be breaking points.
It is best that you overcome them together.
But if that does not happen, it is also good.
But what is not good is that she comes back saying,
that she had to break up with you
so that you can become what she wanted.
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- [Lady Bolt] You people have no concept
of what this girl has been through.
I was like OP.
I was with my boyfriend since we were teenagers.
But when we were in our 20s I developed depression,
and while I didn't realize it at the time,
I was hell to live with.
I dropped out of college and just wallowed in my misery.
My boyfriend left me.
I hit rock bottom.
I decided that I needed to change.
I got to the doctor, got treatment,
got my life back on track.
My boyfriend came back.
Fast forward 15 years and he's my husband
and we have three kids.
We're so happy.
I know I'm prone to depression.
And so does he.
So we have strategies in place.
My point is, I would never have got better
if my husband hadn't left me and opened my eyes.
His life was made miserable by me.
So the people who are judging this girl
for leaving after eight years are way off the mark.
You don't know both sides of the story
and what she's been through.
OP, I honestly don't think other choice would be wrong.
I just think this decision is one Reddit can't
and shouldn't make for you.
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- [Narrator] You make valid points.
However, you didn't mention that he left you
in order to explore his other options.
Maybe you left that part out or maybe he never said that
Like OPs EX did.
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And did he go out to explore?
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- [Lady Bolt] No, not that I know of.
but honestly I never asked him.
Because if he had, I wouldn't blame him.
Because let's face it,
if you've only ever been with one person,
the temptation is there on both sides.
I mean, people on the sub often say,
you're better off to have gone out there
and had experiences with several people
before you settled down.
And I agree with that.
I often say I wish we'd met at 25 instead of
as teenagers as we'd have done our growing up
and know what we wanted from life.
Now, we're lucky it worked out for us,
but I absolutely can not fault someone
who has only ever had one partner,
met as teenagers, for wanting to discover more
of the human experience.
I mean, it sounds like they were together
since they were 13 or so.
Most couples who meet at that age don't last
for myriad reasons
as it's hard to tie your entire life experience
to one person.
Again, I'm happy and would never leave
or cheat on my husband.
But I have an understanding for those
in my situation that have.
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- [Narrator] You're right, going out to explore is not evil
for what I think.
It's somehow natural instead.
It's just that in this particular case, you know,
she appeared when the door was closed
and she wants to reopened for her.
And OP has a nice girlfriend already.
Just letting he decide while pointing the perspective.
I stay with the new girl.
Even if the old one is not bad or evil.
Also, I don't believe she is.
She is only human.
Flaws and strengths.
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Very much agree with this.
Her comment of, "Why did a breakup have to happen
in order for you to become everything I ever wanted?"
made me stop and think, what the hell?
It makes it sound like if she got unhappy
or unsatisfied down the road, she'll just leave again
until you get back to something she thinks is pleasing.
She breaks your heart and gets rewarded?
Hell no.
Your EX closed the door OP.
It was what you needed at the time
to become a better person.
But if she wasn't able to walk that path with you,
she won't walk it when things get hard again in the future.
Give you a new relationship a chance to thrive.
See where it goes.
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- [Lady Bolt] Y'all clearly have no idea what it's like
to be in this girl's shoes.
Being someone's caretaker for years is exhausting.
And she's a teenager who has her own crap to deal with.
I've been in that relationship,
begged my high school boyfriend to give a crap
about getting a driver's license, applying to college,
not being a total drunk stoner, deal with his daddy issues.
Soon as I break up with him, he does all of those things.
I didn't ask for him back, but definitely thought about it.
Come on.
He knew what he needed to do and just didn't.
OP honestly doesn't deserve a second chance in this case
and is lucky to get one.
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- [Narrator] I think it's important to know
that OP's parent had lung cancer,
one of the worst cancers to have.
He was going through a serious time in his life
as a young person.
I don't think the girlfriend deserves blame either
but neither does OP.
It sounds like they should've broken up a long time ago
but didn't because of familiarity.
Both should explore other people.