(electronic whirring)
(upbeat electronic instrumental music)
- And that is the last of my enemies taken care of,
time to start a new list.
- Hey Vic, I'm here for my yearly review.
- Yeah Jess, please, take a seat.
These reviews are really informal,
I don't even like to think of them as reviews.
- Oh no no please, I mean review away,
I am looking forward to it,
I kinda thrive on this stuff.
- Well everyone's really happy with your work here,
you're doing great.
- Okay, yeah, great!
So let's say if you were to give doing great
a letter grade, what would that be?
- Okay, well our value of you
is great, I think you're great,
and your work is great.
- Vic, I flourish when I am being evaluated,
and a letter grade lets me know
empirically what my value is.
- Okay well Jess, you're an adult,
and so we rely on feedback in the world
and that's how we know how we're doing.
- Please grade me.
Please grade me, just grade me.
Okay, am I an A?
Right, am I a B?
An acceptable B, I'll take a B, okay.
A C?
Oh my God, am I a so-so C?
Am I a D?
I'm getting a D right now?
- I want you to think of this as a pass fail system, right?
And you passed.
- Okay, okay.
And where do I rank amongst the passing?
- It's just a pass.
- Okay, I think maybe I'm not explaining myself properly.
Let me make my case right now, okay.
- Yikes.
- Okay so in addition to my excellent sketch writing,
I also have been like a top notch actor this year,
and I started the compost program on the floor.
In addition to all of this,
I also have been putting in some extra-curricular pursuits.
- I'm sorry, extra-curricular pursuits?
- Yes I make my fiancé dinner every night.
- That's not part of the job.
- Yeah, that's why it's extra-curricular.
- Okay Jess, I think all this
kind of falls under the umbrella of great work.
So much so in fact that you are getting a raise
and a promotion.
- Oh my God a promotion!
(shrieking) Yes!
Now what does that rank
amongst like all of the other raises,
is that an A, is that a B?
- A raise and a promotion is an objective way
to show your value.
- Okay so if we have a literal number right,
let's just put it on a grade,
let's give it a grade,
unless of course we're grading on a curve,
are we grading on a curve?
- There is no curve.
- God, that's gonna be really bad for Grant,
what grade is he at?
- Nothing.
- Grant is getting an F?
- No, Grant is not getting a grade.
- He's getting an incomplete?
- There's no incomplete because I'm not a teacher
and this is not a school.
- Well I mean yeah, you're no Mrs. Wetherby that's for sure.
- That's fine, I'm not trying to be.
- You know I think when people are tenured,
like yourself, that they start to coast on by
and not really give people the grades they deserve.
- There is no tenure, all right,
in fact ha, okay, I actually just got my performance review
and it went poorly.
- That figures, I don't plan on giving you a good grade.
- What do you mean?
- On rankyourteacher.com.
- Oh my God, you know what?
You get an A.
(shrieking)
- Oh my God!
Oh yes, straight A's!
- Yeah it literally means nothing,
but you did it, congratulations.
(screaming)
Get out of my office.
- This will surely get me voted
the most likely to succeed award.
(kissing)
Love you!
- Not if that means anything.
- Hey.
Mind if we reschedule this to later?
I sat in yogurt, again.
- You know what Grant, you get an F.
- So do you.
- I'm a good boss.
(electronic whirring)
- You want the scoop?
(coughing)
- I'm getting all emotional from it.
(dramatic instrumental music)
- Shut up! (laughing)
(dramatic instrumental music)
- Hey it's Jess.
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There's this scene where she eats a cantaloupe
and it gets me, it's hot, I like it.
- Oh my God, it's hot, it's really hot.
- Sign up for a free trail today.
Trial, that was a typo,
I don't have any trails to give away.
I wouldn't even know how to go about doing that.
Buy land I guess.
God.