The Frontmen - Season 3!
Starring 11 of the best footballers in the world…
But which 8 world class forwards will we pick to join us!
- At PSG? - No, in the Frontmen Season 3
But it wouldn’t surprise me if President Al-Kehlaifi signed all of them for PSG too…
Haha! You’re so funny Kylian.
- Thanks. - Hahaha… we get on so well, don’t we?
- I guess so. - Then sign the contract?
- No! - Then f*** you!
Let the auditions commence!
Jack Grealish from Aston Vi... I mean, from Manchester City...
Next! - #1 Your hair is so bad even I wouldn’t have it...
...and #2, you are boring AF!
- Bit harsh… - Harsh?!
Even Ligue 1 is more interesting than you!
- Come on Neymar, don’t exaggerate... - Next!
- Edinson Ca... - Next!
Sorry, babe. It’s Frontmen, not Frontwomen…
- No, I’m Edinson Cava... - Next!
Nice try, babe! But that stick-on goatee is fooling no-one.
But I’m Edinson Cava...
Erling Haaland... Pff! Borussia Dortmund...
We know it’s you, Thomas
Rumbled! Hahaha!
- Next! - Ohh...
I said next!
Who’s it supposed to be now?
Oh, what a surprise. Harry Kane.
He’s probably in the green room ripping Jack Grealish’s kit off as we speak.
Kane’s gay?!
No, because he's desperate to sign for Man City.
Name into the camera please...
Oh, how I’ve missed your voice Lionel...
He said name into the camera, Sergio!
Sergio Aguero from Ba…
From Ba...
Don't make me say it! Don't make me say it!
Worst decision of my life ever!
Why does he sound like me all of a sudden?
Guys... Take 5
Olivier Giroud, urgh... AC Milan, urgh...
Thanks, but no thanks Thomas...
Oh… but I’m hilarious. Give me one more chance?
- No! - Oh, I know!
Wait til you see my Paul Pogba
- NO! - You’re in!
- Quick thinking Neymar! - Thanks...
Harry Kane! Manchester City!
- Has the deal gone through? - No!
Er, yes… how else would I have got this Man City kit?
I feel so violated...
Come on Harry, get your Judas arse back to training...
Ohh, yes, Daniel… have Man City rang yet?
- Yes - Really?! Did you answer?
- No. - Oh...
Not interested…
This isn't the first time he’s looked disinterested in a Real Madrid shirt.
Why didn’t you laugh, Kylian?
If only Real Madrid had someone playing for them who really cared about the club…
Snap out of it! You’re going nowhere...
Karim Benzema…
...Hey Kylian, why settle for croissant when you can have caviar?
No way! Caviar goes off the older it gets… Next!
I hope Karim is injured for a long time…
- What? - Why?
So Real Madrid need to make an emergency signing…
- Snap out of it! You’re going nowhere. - So is my career…
You sons of bi*****...
Well this is awkward…
The Frontmen was my idea, and now you’re running Season 3 auditions without me!
If you remember, we tricked you into letting me and Erling Haaland front the Frontmen.
I do remember! And I also remember that Lionel and I paid a bounty to the Mandolorian to get rid of you…
Which he did…
- Which I survived. - How?!
- The Mandolorian’s aim was a little off... - Just like Ronaldo’s free-kicks. Ha!
Dick! Let me guess...
...instead of killing you, it just affected the part of the brain that’s responsible for taking penalties?
- Oh come on! - That was out of order…
- Next! - Good riddance!
- There there Kylian... - Thanks for your support, Neymar
- No problem. - You’re a true friend.
- Really? - Yes!
- Then sign the contract? - No!
Then f...
- Please, just give me a…. - Next!
...chance...
Next!
Btec Neymar! Next!
Next!
- Timo Wer... - Next!
- Who the hell are Brentford? - Don’t ask us...
We’re on a break...
- OLE! OLE! - What an audition!
We want you in the Frontmen!
Yes! See you in 12 months!
What?
Name to camera...
I’m not here to audition for this shit-show.
I’m here to say don’t you dare insult my boy Timo again...
Okay?
- Yes Romelu... - Good.
- I could have taken him. Pussy. - What was that?
- Lionel called you a pussy. - What?
- Hi. I’m N’Golo - Say hi to N’Golo guys...
- Say hi to N’Golo - Hi N’Golo!
- I really hope that is a doll and not the real N’Golo... - Quiet...
- Name into the camera please… - Luis Suarez from Atletico Madrid…
Luis, my hilarious best friend and worls class forward, why should we pick you?
Well, it would be nice if one of the Frontmen had actually won a league title last season…
- Yes, true - Fair point…
And I also think you should get rid of the French contract rebel on the end and replace him with me immediatement!
- What? - MSN will be reborn!
- I love it! - What?
Me t... Wait a minute… if you replace Mbappe, it wouldn’t be MSN. It would be SNM.
- SNM? Like sadomasochism? I hate it! - Me too! Next!
- What? - Next!
Or… we could just swap seats…
- Oh yes… - Good point...
He’s a genius...
- **** you Kylian! You’re out! You’re out! - But!
- I’ll sign the contract! - Out!
You sons of a b******…
- Haha. It’s great to be back! - Oh, friends. Barcelona friends…
- Luis Fonsi? - It’s Danny Ings!
Next!
- Bruno Fern... - Next!
- But why? - No midfielders!
- No penalty merchants! - No Luis Suarez lookalikes!
Forget the Frontmen nonsense, do PSG need anymore ageing legends in their side?
Let me speak to President Al-Khalaifi...
- Thanks! - Next!
Okay, we’re really looking for someone who doesn’t…
- Crumble under pressure… - Next!
Action!
Sorry. My agent only got me this audition to scare Liverpool into offering me a new contract with higher wages...
- What wages are you on now? - 200k
- Per day? - Per week
- Per week?! S*** the bed! No way! - How do you survive on 200k a week?
Let me speak to President Al-Khalaifi… I’ll see what we can do…
Result...
- Kevin de.. - Cut!
What the hell are you wearing?
- The Man CIty 3rd kit! - Hahahha! It’s tragic!
I’d rather wear this kit than your Fortnite boots.
Don’t make me **** you up, Kevin! Next!
Is there a problem here?
- Er, I was just given him some free motivation - for his audition - ARGHTION!
Okay, Heung Min, switch to the wide lens please…
Name into the camera!
I’m not auditioning - I just came to get Mbappe to sign the contract
- Never! - Sure thing Eden!
What? Look me straight in the camera and tell me you want to sign the contract!
- I want to sign the contract! - Ha! Got you! Now watch this...
I want to sign the contract!
You’re going nowhere!
Come on, that looks even less believable than your diving...
Antoine Gr...
- Holy shit… - Wait, who fired?
- NOT ME! - Well somebody did…
- Let’s blame it on Kylian... - Agreed!
- That’s everyone! - Wait! Where’s Erling Haaland?
We sent him into galaxy in last season’s finale...
The child has grown on me. I will keep it...
- This is the way... - This is the Adam Johnson way!
You mean he hasn’t come back yet?
- Doesn’t look like it… - That’s a wrap!
The Frontmen Season 3, The Final XI!
Messi! Suarez! Neymar!
What have you done to your hair?
I thought you said even you wouldn’t have Jack Grealish’s hairdo…
- Times change, Lionel! - How did you grow that monstrosity in 30 minutes?
I didn’t grow it...
So violated… what a harrowing day.
It’s almost as harrowing as the day we played Spurs...
MSN we’ll be joined by...
Timo Werner! Because we don’t get beaten to a pulp by his minder…
- Thanks Romelu! - I could take him…
- Jadon Sancho! - Now he understands it doesn’t always take 12 months to join a club…
- Harry Kane! - MBE!
- To give somebody from a shit club a chance - What?
- Mohamed Salah! - To give someone on the minimum wage a chance…
- Jack Grealish! - Who threatened to sue us for humiliating him but agreed to let it go if we included him in the Frontmen !
- Thanks - BORING AF!
- Cristiano Ronaldo! Who is contractually appearing in the Frontmen as click-bait - Dicks
- Erling Haaland! - That’s not even the real Erli...
And Kylian Mbappe… who still wants to appear in the Frontmen under the terms of his contract despite me telling him repeatedly to ********!!!
- See you next week in Season 3 Episode 1 of… - THE FRONTMEN!!!
- Can I go home now? - No.
- Why not? - This is the way.
- Come little one… - WAHOO!!!