( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
♪♪ ♪♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I LOVE IT WHEN
Y'ALL SWITCH IT UP!
>> Jon: OH, YEAH!
>> Stephen: ALWAYS SURPRISES ME.
>> Jon: YES!
>> Stephen: JON -- JON, YOU KNOW, THIS SHOW IS A PLEASURE
AND A PRIVILEGE TO DO, YOU KNOW, ALWAYS WONDERFUL, LOVE SHARING
THE STAGE WITH YAWL■ AND LOVE BEING WITH THESE PEOPLE EVERY
NIGHT, BUT WHEN IT COMES TO THE GUESTS, I LOVE A MIX OF OLD
FRIENDS AND NEW FRIENDS.
WE HAVE OUR OLD FRIEND JOHN LEGUIZAMO WHO'S HERE TONIGHT.
>> Jon: YEAH!
>> Stephen: REALLY A TREASURE OF THE NEW YORK COMMUNITY.
( APPLAUSE ) AND WE HAVE THOMASIN McKENZIE.
IF YOU SAW "JOJO RABBIT," SHE WAS ONE TO HAVE THE STARS OF
"JOJO RABBIT."
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND SHE NOW STARS IN THE NEW
MOVIE "LAST NIGHT IN SoHo," WHICH I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE.
SHE'S HERE AS WELL.
>> Jon: BRING IT ON.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: JUST ANOTHER
THURSDAY NIGHT, MAN.
>> YEAH, WE'RE HERE.
>> STEPHEN: FOLKS, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME RIGHT OVER THERE,
SELECTING THE FINEST GRAINS OF NEWS, HAND SIFTING THROUGH
BARRELS OF STEELCUT JOKE OATS, SELECTING THE RIPEST SEASONAL
STORY BERRIES, AND HOME-FERMENTING MACROBIOTIC
ALMOND MILK INTO UPSCALE ORGANIC YOGURT TO LOVINGLY FOLD TOGETHER
THE BUZZWORTHY BREAKFAST PARFAIT THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, I SWEAT MYSELF AWAKE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NIGHT, CREEP OUT TO AN ABANDONED SCHOOLYARD, SCRAPE A BUNCH OF
SPILLED CHEERIOS AND DISCARDED GOGURT WRAPPERS INTO A BIG GULP
TRAVEL MUG I WON IN THE GREAT TRUCKER-DRIFTER WARS OF 2019,
ADD SOME FERMENTED CRABAPPLES FROM BEHIND THE SWING SET, AND
CHUG BACK THE FETID PRISON PORRIDGE OF NEWS THAT IS MY
SEGMENT: MEANWHILE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT IT DOES IS "MEANWHILE!" IS
A TRANSFORMATIVE EXPERIENCE, IS WHAT IT IS.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT AFTERWARDS.
MEANWHILE, SQUID GAME IS NOW THE MOST POPULAR SHOW IN NETFLIX
HISTORY, WHICH IS WHY THIS VIDEO OF LEBRON JAMES SLAGGING THE
SHOW'S ENDING WITH TEAMMATE ANTHONY DAVIS WENT VIRAL:
>> Stephen: I KNOW, RIGHT?
I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN THEY LAY OUT ALL THOSE CEPHALOPODS AND
YOU HAVE TO GUESS WHICH IS AN OCTOPUS AND WHICH IS A SQUID?
I HAVEN'T SEEN THE SHOW.
IT SOUNDS DISTURBING.
WELL, SQUID GAME CREATOR HWANG DONG-HYUK WAS ASKED THIS
WEEK WHAT HE THOUGHT OF LEBRON'S CRITICISM, TO WHICH HE RESPONDED
HAVE YOU SEEN SPACE JAM 2?
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>SNIEN ONE ONE, I'D LIKE TO REPORT A MURDER.
LEBRON JAMES.
YES, LeBRON JAMES.
THE MURDER WEAPON?
HIS OWN CREATIVE CHOICES.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YOU DON'T OFTEN SEE A MAN THAT
TALL GETTING DUNKED ON THAT HARD.
MEANWHILE, A COMPANY CALLED JETSON QUIETLY DROPPED THIS
PROMOTIONAL VIDEO LAST WEEK: MY VISA NUMBER IS
3566 7865 2771 EXPIRATION 9/24.
( APPLAUSE ) TAKE A SCREEN GRAB AND CHARGE
ANYTHING.
JUST GIMME ONE I COMMUTE IN NEW YORK.
( LAUGHTER ) I SPENT HALF OF MY KIDS'
CHILDHOOD IN THE LINCOLN TUNNEL.
( LAUGHTER ) OF COURSE, THERE'S A LITTLE
STICKER SHOCK.
THIS SUCKER COMES IN AT A HEFTY $92 000.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) SECURITY CODE IS 179.
179.
( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, EARLIER THIS WEEK,
TRAFFIC ON A STRETCH OF CALIFORNIA HIGHWAY WAS SLOWED
DUE TO HUNDREDS OF ROLLS OF EITHER A HUGE ACCIDENT, OR A
PUBLIC SERVICE TO EVERYONE STUCK IN TRAFFIC ALL DAY.
( APPLAUSE ) MEANWHILE, IN ADORABLE LOCAL
NEWS, THREE FLORIDA SISTERS HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY IN DIFFERENT
YEARS.
AND THEY WERE ALL BORN ON AUGUST 25TH.
HMMMM, LET'S SEE HERE.
IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN, AUGUST 25th --
THAT'S EXACTLY NINE MONTHS AFTER THANKSGIVING.
( LAUGHTER ) SO WE KNOW SOME FOLKS LIKE TO
SPEND THANKSGIVING STUFFING MORE THAN JUST THE TURKEY.
( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
I SHOULDN'T TALK LIKE THAT.
I'M SORRY.
BUT WHO CAN HAVE SEX ON THANKSGIVING?
OH, GOD, OH, JEEZ -- OH, IT'S 4:00 P.M., I'VE
EATEN SIX HELPINGS AND FIVE OF THEM WERE GRAVY.
I HAVE NEVER LOOKED OR FELT WORSE.
LET'S DO THIS THING.
ANY WAY WE CAN BOTH BE LYING DOWN FOR THIS?
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN LEGUIZAMO.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪