My son Lucas once went through a time period where he was saying no for everything.
I recently got asked a question by one of my online community members.
The question was what to do if your child or clients answer every question with no.
Hi, I'm Dr. Mary Barbera, autism mom, board-certified behavior analyst, online course creator and
bestselling author of The Verbal Behavior Approach.
Each week I provide you with some of my ideas about turning autism around so if you haven't
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So today I am sharing an excerpt from a question during one of my live Q and A sessions discussing
what you can do for a child who constantly says no.
My son is 4 and a half and attends a regular preschool.
In the past few months, he's con constantly been saying the word no.
Sometimes he means no, but a lot of times when he replies no to a question, it appears
to be out of habit because we are asking him about things he really enjoys doing.
Do you want ice cream?
He's saying no, and he enjoys that.
Do you want to watch Toy Story?
He's saying, no.
It is becoming a problem at school because they see this as him being defiant.
Typically he's saying no in a mild manner tone and other times he says it more aggressively.
Any suggestions with this behavior problem would be appreciated.
I actually have a very interesting and applicable story of Lucas saying no many years ago.
So Lucas, when he was halfway through kindergarten, moved to an approved private ABA school out
of the county.
So he was traveling like an hour each way.
He was going to this ABA school.
He all of a sudden, he had gone from being very compliant, so he was about 6, he had
been gone from compliant, you know, preschool intensive ABA, half of kindergarten.
So I said to the therapist that came home and at school, I said, is Lucas saying no
a lot?
And she goes, yeah, actually, he is.
And I said, okay, so when is he saying no?
She said, well, he's out at recess and you know, he really loves the slide and the recess
and, and I'm like, yeah.
And she said, so we say, “Lucas, it's time to come in and do work.”
That's the antecedent.
Okay, it's the setting event is playground.
Antecedent is time to come in and do uh, do work.
The behavior is him saying no.
And then I'm like, okay, so we got the A, the antecedent, we have the B, the behavior’s
no.
And I was like, okay, so what happens looking for the consequence, the C?
And she goes, well you told us that we shouldn't drag him in or we can't physically pull him
in.
I'm like, yeah.
So we say, “Well, we don't have to do work.
Come on, let's go in, we'll have some pretzels, we'll watch Barney.”
So they made, so they basically reinforced no, him saying no, by making the task easier,
easier, more reinforcing.
Um, and then I'm like, okay, so now I understand where this no is coming from.
You're reinforcing it.
So anytime a behavior's going up someone or some people are reinforcing it.
So she goes, okay, so what should we do instead?
I'm like, we should not use the word work.
And then we also need to dangle the carrot before problem behaviors.
So at the time, Lucas loved the ocean, so he'd go out here to, you know, where his necks
in the water.
And I of course had to be out there swimming for hours to get him in.
It's not like Lucas come on in and you know, um, do work, come out of the ocean and you
know, you're not going to be able to transition kids smoothly if you make what they're coming
to so much more difficult or less reinforcing then what they have.
So instead of saying, let's go in and do work, never say that.
Always have a transition into you're taking him from a 10 not to a 2 but you're taking
him from a 10 to a 9 back up to a 10 maybe to an 8 backup to a 9 and throughout his day
he is not being, uh crashing and being offered something that's a 2.
So from then on in, they only transitioned him back from recess to watch Barney and eat
pretzels, which he was going to get anyway.
But they did that before no.
And then they showed him were we're not coming from a 10 to a 2.
We're going from a 10 to a 9.
That's my question, that's my question for you is find out who's reinforcing the no,
when it's happening the most, when it started, and start reversing that and the other part
of answering your question is he saying no for ice cream and Toy Story and that is a
yes, no response.
You need to teach him probably yes and no depending on where he's at with the VB MAPP.
But yes and no, we have a whole lesson on that within our intermediate course here.
We also, I also have a free a video blog on teaching yes and no.
So between those 2 strategies you should be able to get the no gone.
I hope you enjoyed this short snippet.
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can attend a free online workshop at marybarbera.com/workshop and I'll see you right here next week.