This is Clay with relationshipinnergame.com and in this video we are going to
be talking about five signs that your ex does not.
Want to get back together with you. So the first Sunday your ex doesn't want to get back
together with you. Is that they have recently. Gotten married. Right. I remember I once got
a message from a guy who you know saw one of my videos and he was on our newsletter.
And you know he was like listening to what I was saying and so he's like OK you know
there's been this girl that I used to date and I was in love with like 10 years ago I'm
going to go ahead and reach out to her and try all this stuff out that Clay recommends.
We'll see if I can get her back. Anyway he reaches out to her and it turned out that
she had gotten married like two days earlier to some other guy and she was like Hey thanks
for reaching out. But you know I just got married to some other guy like two days ago.
And so the guy writes back to me and he says yeah you know what you are you talk to it
doesn't work. It doesn't work. And I'm like. Dude c'mon.
She got married two days ago. If like if you were going to get her back and if she was
going to be interested in you. Two days after her getting married to someone
else is probably like the lowest point that she would ever be interested in you. Right
after her marriage is when she's going to be the most interested in the guy that she
married. OK. Now again it's probably not always going to be that way because you know sometimes
things go down over time and all that but they go up to but you know just immediately
after she gets married he's probably going to be when a woman or anybody really is going
to be the most interested in the person that they married and they're probably not going
to be very interested in getting back together with an ex at that time. OK. If that's you.
Sorry maybe you waited a little bit too long on the second. Sign that your ex does not
want to get back together with you is if. There hasn't really been any change in the
dynamic between the two of you. Right. So your ex isn't going to want to walk back into
the same relationship they walked out of in the first place. Just not going to happen.
Right. The only reason that they would ever want to do that as they had like low self-esteem
and they didn't think they could get. Another boyfriend or girlfriend or something like
that. And they just kind of be like OK I thought I'd.
Go out there and try dating someone else. You know grass is greener all that stuff but
turned out. Nobody really like me so. I want to give it another shot baby that's
not that's not super sexy. Right. So you want to do better than that. So if you want your
ex to actually be inspired and actually want to get back together with you then you want
to really demonstrate some change demonstrate that there's a damn good reason that they
should actually want to get back together with you demonstrate to them that something's
going to be different between you and them moving forward. OK that's really really important.
The third sign that your ex does not want to get back together with you is because there
is a lot of reactance emotional reactance on their part. OK. So. Reactance that's a
word that a lot of people don't recognize let's just doodle kind of. Catch up on what
that really means. So reactance is a feeling that you get when somebody is trying to railroad
you into something that you really don't want to do that really only benefits them that
meets their agenda. Right. So common examples that people might
be able to relate to Arby might be you know you're walking down the street just trying
to go to the grocery store and get some eggs or whatever. Right. And. Someone comes up
to you with a clipboard and they say hey. Do you have a moment to help starving children.
And you know you're trying to run an errand and you know you feel guilty. For saying no
I don't have time to help starving children or some. So you say yeah I want to help some
starving children and then you know before you know the kind of hook you into some conversation
about you know how you should donate money this charity your son some petition or whatever.
And you know all you really want to do is just go get some eggs and then somebody just
railroaded you into this conversation. I'm not saying it's right or wrong that people
are out there with clipboards trying to get petitions signed and charities donated to.
But you know it often does raise a lot of reactance for some people. Another example
of reactance might be it's a relaxing Sunday afternoon you're at home just sort of chilling
out resting before Monday starts and everything and you hear your doorbell ring you get up
and you open the door. To see who's there and it's not somebody recognize it's somebody
in a nice polished suit and everything and he's holding a vacuum cleaner in one hand
and he says. As he puts his foot right in the door jamb so you can't close the door
on him he says. Might I interest you in this amazing handy dandy Sacko Madec five thousand
vacuum cleaner and he comes right in and starts demonstrating the vacuum cleaner to you and
tries to convince you to buy it right then and there. That's kind of that feeling of
reactants because you don't actually want to have this conversation about the vacuum
cleaner. You want to get back to relaxing back to reading newspaper get back to watching
the TV. Getting back to doing whatever it is you do
on a Sunday afternoon right. And so that feeling when you open the door and there's the vacuum
cleaner salesman that is the feeling of reactance and for a lot of people going to a break up
who want to get back together with their acts. There's a lot of reactance that their ex is
feeling towards them. And this could be because maybe you want to get back together with your
ex. But with your exes that they're not emotionally ready to get back together with you. So every
time you contact them and say hey you know we should get back together. Now. No not going
to do it. Just the same way as the vacuum cleaner salesman is going to get.
No. Most the timing just the same way as people who are going to try to sneak past or run
past her across the street to navigate around the guy with the clipboard who's trying to
you know collect donations or get names or whatever. That doesn't mean that you can't
do anything about it. You can absolutely lower your ex's reactants through. Connecting with
them on an emotional level using advanced relational skills. All of the stuff that I've
talked to many of our previous videos and also on our Web site relationship inner game
dot com. But if there is a lot of reactants that your ex has where they're at right now
from a place of having a high level of reactance they're not going to want to get back together
with you. And you can lower their reactance. But as long as that reactance is high they're
not going to want to get back together with you. OK. So keep that in mind. The fourth
sign that your ex doesn't want to get back together with you is there's still a lot of
hurt feelings. This kind of goes beyond just mere reactance but this builds off of you
know whatever may have happened during the breakup whatever may have. Not happened during
the breakup. Maybe there is some sort of betrayal or cheating or lying or. Whatever happened
during the break or if there's hurt feelings and your ex is still holding onto that they're
not going to want to get back together with you. You're going to have to get past that
before you can even begin to focus on the emotional connection. Overcoming reactance
you and getting back together you're going to have to get past those hurt feelings.
So this means you're probably going to have to apologize apologize for whatever it was
that you did wrong. Now a lot of times people think they just need to apologize. No matter
what. That's not always the case some people don't need to apologize. But you know if there's
something that you genuinely did wrong then yeah you need to apologize. Otherwise your
ex is never. Going to be able to get past that and they're just going to always think
of you as their jerk ex who did or didn't do X Y Z. And so if you really do apologize
for them apologize for it but if you just. Don't know what else to do and you think an
apology might be a nice thing to do but you don't know what you're apologizing for.
You don't need to apologize. OK. And the fifth thing. That is a sign that your x. Doesn't
want to get back together with you is if you're not genuinely listening to them. So. I know
a lot of people. Think that they're. Good at listening but really. What they're doing
is they're not genuinely listening instead they're listening with a filter of you know.
Their X is saying some stuff and they're listening through the filter of what does this mean
about me. What does this mean I should do to get us back together. What does this mean
I should do to make them happy. What is this I mean what does this mean that I should do
so. There's no angry bee anymore. Was just me and I should do that. I look good. Does
this mean that I should do so that I seem really attractive to them.
And as long as you're filtering it through things like that. You're not really hearing
them. You're really not. And so what I want to encourage you to do is just drop all of
that all of that trying to look good trying to mitigate the damage or the damage control
all of the trying to make them happy please them win them over all of that stuff. Actually
listen. To what they're saying. Listen to. Maybe the fact that they're hurt. And the
fact they feel disappointed not so you can defend yourself not so you can prove them
wrong. Not so that you can do anything but just to really listen to them. And that can
that can really actually change things as well too. When you actually listen to your
acts for the time. Because for a lot of people. There's actually
two x's in their life. There's the x out in the real world that might be talking and there's
the X in their head the person that they think they have to impress the person that they
think they have to bypass all of their reasons and rationales and and all that stuff. And
instead of listening to the person in the real world listening to the X in their head.
And so what I'm telling you to do is to not listen to the axe in your head but instead
listen. To the X in the real world. OK. So I hope this helps you out. And if you need
some help getting back to give your X please head on over to our website. Relationship
game dot com. Take a quick short little 30 seconds ish.
Survey it's totally painless telling us basically where you're at with the whole breakup a relationship
thing and we'll send you some advice strategies and tactics to help you get back together
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if you want to share anything down in the discussion area below please go ahead and
get the conversation started if you've ever broken up with somebody. What have been some
really big telltale signs that you know you've noticed that users didn't wanna get back together
with them go in and get things started down below and keep the discussion civil guys.
Ok this has been claimed relationship in a game dot com and I will see you in the next
video. Take care.