If you're anything like me, then one of the single most frustrating things about women
- whether it's female friends, or long term girlfriends is when they say something one
minute, then do the complete opposite the next.
Have you ever seen a woman say 'I hate that guy, he's such a pig' - Then 2 days later
she's shacking up with him?
Or you see her enjoying hoeing into pizza like it's going out of fashion on monday,
only to hear her talking to friends on friday about how she doesn't really like pizza?
I mean WTF??
seriously!
Are all women living their lives in denial of the truth?
Are they that unaware?
I swear that at least 50% of all domestic arguments involve a man saying "But if you
meant X why the hell did you say Y?" while simultaneously pulling his hair out and going
gray at an accelerated rate.
This is a lesson that took me a long time to learn, and an even longer time to accept,
and it's one that I want to share today to explain WHY this happens.
At it's most simple, it's because most of the time, women talk in emotions while men
talk in absolutes.
When a woman says 'I hate that guy' then 80% of the time what she's really saying in guy
language is 'Right now at this specific point in time, I feel like I hate that guy, but
it's just an emotion so it might change'.
Whereas when a guy says 'I hate that girl' , then 80% of the time it means 'I hate that
girl right now, and I'll hate her forever more, I've fully made up my mind on this unchangeable
fact".
When I first heard this, I was tempted to fight it.
I wanted to still be annoyed at women for not simply saying what they MEAN instead of
what they FEEL, like men tend to.
HOWEVER, there is actually a really positive silver lining to this style of communication
that I didn't see at first.
When I make a decision about the way I feel about a food, or a person, or a holiday destination,
then as a man I tend to make up my mind and close off all chance of changing my mind in
the future.
Once I've decided I love pizza, I'll keep loving it no matter how many times it makes
me feel sick, once I decide I hate George, I'll barely notice anything else he does that
would actually cause me to like him more because my mind is made up.
We men tend to do this to keep life simple.
We don't like open loops, and by making firm decisions on things quickly, we get to move
on with life not having to think of them ever again..
It's efficient and I'll likely always do it since it's my nature as a guy.
BUT when a woman has a feeling about something then a lot of the time she remains open to
revising that feeling on an ongoing basis.
This is great for her because it means she doesn't close herself off to people and experiences
as easily as men do.
But it's great for us guys because it's easier for us to recover from making the wrong first
impression.
If I meet a woman at a party, and her initial impression of me is that I'm not the kind
of guy for her, then the next time I see her, I get a second and third chance to change
that feeling.
This is where the very dangerous term 'No means yes' comes from - Because so many guys
have the experience of a woman saying 'no I don't want to sleep with you tonight', but
then as the night rolls to a close, they end up sleeping together anyway.
So the assumption was made by men, that in truth the women were lying all along and her
'no' really meant 'yes'.
But in truth, her no definitely meant no at that point in time.
What it really meant was 'no I don't feel like I want to right now, but I may feel like
it later..
Or not..
You know just depending on how I feel'.
And that's the big takeaway - Don't be annoyed with women, they aren't lying, they aren't
being indirect, they're simply communicating in a different way which is neither better
nor worse than mens' style of communication.
The great news is that when you hear something negative from a woman, it usually means you
still have the chance to change it if you play your cards right.
Of course there will be plenty of times that a woman just won't like you, and nothing you
can do will change that, but knowing that women communicate in feelings allows you to
understand them a lot better than you likely did before.
I hope you enjoyed this video, let me know your thoughts in the comments below, and be
sure to subscribe to my channel if you haven't already so you don't miss out on any
of my 3 weekly videos.