Please welcome W. Kamau Bell.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
I'm making sure to smile and wave.
[ Laughs ]
Yes, yes. You got to make sure you smile and wave.
I always think, like, it's so easy for you to wave
because your hands must be up already.
-You know? -In preparation.
Yeah. It's like you're waving with two hands.
Yeah.
To be clear, I'm a guest of the show. I'm not loitering.
I just want to be clear about that.
I've been booked as a guest. I am not loitering.
Yes. You've been racially profiled.
Yes, I am black in America. Yeah.
-Do you want to tell the story? -Yeah.
Basically, on my birthday, I was kicked out of a café
in Berkeley, California, for talking to my wife.
My wife is white, so obviously it's my fault.
And...
[ Laughter ]
They told me -- Somebody knocked on the window
of the café and was like, "Get out of here!"
'Cause they thought I was harassing my wife,
which legally you're able to do.
"I'll harass you till death to us part."
Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
When racism happens, even if it happens quickly,
you still get this racism gift that you get to take home
until your house is filled with racism.
And every time you go home,
even though you want to relax, you're like,
"Oh, look at all this racism I got in here."
Which is why there's this great thing now
where black people and other people of color
are tossing the racism back at people quickly.
That was in Oakland where this white lady
called the cops on the barbecue people.
I don't know that three years ago, she would have done that,
'cause she wouldn't have known that she had
the backing of the White House, but now she does.
By the way, Donald Trump is a racist.
All right. Keep it moving.
How do we fix racism?
To fix racism for real, it takes a structural --
Like, all the institutions
have to be sort of destroyed, leveled, and rebuilt.
But until we do that, public shaming is fine.
I'm fine with public shaming.
So, is that something that someone like me could do?
Well, let me explain, white guy.
See how comfortable I was when you touched me?
I'm -- I'm really coming along.
[ Laughs ]
Here's the problem with white guys like yourself.
White people -- There was a woman at the thing in Oakland
who was a white woman who stepped in and
really sort of helped. She chased the woman down,
and she could do that 'cause she was white.
You've seen that woman. She wasn't hard to chase down.
[ Laughter ]
You could have speed-walked that woman down.
So, white people, you're all like a bunch of Clark Kents
walking around pretending not to be Superman.
-Right.
-Your white skin gives you the ability
to help out in these situations.
If you publicly shame somebody, it really means something.
Can a stereotype ever be a good thing?
It's in the eye of the beholder.
Right, 'cause there's this stereotype that Australians
are really good at cunnilingus, and...
[ Laughter ]
It's a real thing.
That's a common thing?
-It's a real thing. -That's a common thing?
Women are always saying
Australians are good at cunnilingus,
and I'm like, "Just get to know me as a person."
You know? I, um --
You know, it is where the term "down under" comes from.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Now, you brought something to show us
that I actually found very interest--
Well, anyone would.
But the Red Cross brought out
"Be Cool, Follow the Rules."
And these are things that apply for swimming-pool rules.
Yes, so, it's a pool safety poster
that tells kids how to be cool at the pool.
If your notice, the green arrows is
these two white people right here.
This green arrow is a white person over here.
And then most of the red arrows that are saying "not cool"
are pointing at black and brown bodies.
So it's telling kids that most of the rule-breakers
are black and brown people.
And my favorite is this kid right here in the middle
of the pool. He's just swimming with his mouth open.
What's wrong with that?
"He's too good at swimming, damn it!
Get him out of the pool!"
I think the point is --
I don't want say the cliché thing,
but you're not born racist.
It's a taught thing.
Yeah.
You can have your Ten Commandments.
You can have all your [bleep] --
You can go onto Instagram and watch all your quotes.
The simple thing in life is don't be a [bleep].
[ Laughs ]
That's it, right?