i've known for a very long time i'm a
fusion between boy
and girl i'm just stressing about
not being feminine
[Music]
it'd be so much easier if i just
accepted the identity that people
saw me not having control over what your
body is doing
is really terrifying good breath and
then just speak
my name good i am
a trans woman now
[Music]
my best friend sent me the other day was
an article about how
when you transition you're figuratively
reborn
and you really have to go through
puberty again and redefine yourself
and find yourself and be
unapologetically yourself
[Music]
it's so nice to see y'all i wanted to
get us together to talk about like
graduation because we're all fresh
college grads
and we were all in a queer fraternity
together which was
a story the best time of my life the
best years you know
space was at least the place where i
started getting really comfortable with
exploring specifically drag putting wigs
on watching rupaul's drag race all the
time
doing our makeup it was definitely like
a really amazing space to explore
you know it was like definitely a space
where you were there and you were like
okay we're all gay
like now what else is there to you i
think that was really important
it's more like okay who are you despite
being gay and i think that was
really special for me it was more of a
space
that allowed us to just it was like a
resource that like i never had
access to so to kind of just get a crash
course on like what it means to be
queer at least in a sort of like
normative masculine way
was interesting but then to me other
femme people
was even more liberating just because it
was an opportunity to kind of explore
myself while other people were exploring
themselves too
i think the fact that we were embedded
in such a historical institution
it was just hard to navigate that space
being our
very little selves if that's how you
identify yeah
i'm in a part of the campus where i
started off in my first
semester i came in as an astrophysics
and physics double major and after
being spooked out of it i ended up doing
something else
it's kind of a reminder of how we
couldn't really cut it if you think
about it
like when you're choosing your life or
like what to do like you have to think
about the alternatives that's what makes
your choices so much stronger like if
you think about
what else you could have done we're on
this path that we chose the transitions
because the alternatives are just
absolute crap like imagining my life
not like this no past i think for me
when i realized that i was like
on the right path it was like when my
mom was like she just saw me and she was
like
this really suits you like you you just
it looks right that's so cute
i'm just really grateful that like we
connected during college in such a
trying time like it was pretty
traumatizing in a lot of different
senses and i think that
the fact that we walked out of there
surviving and
now we're showing our more authentic
selves and thriving like
i don't know it makes me really excited
to think about where we're going to be
in like 10 years you know yeah i'll have
a job
hire her so i'm walking the grounds of
berkeley
there's a lot of anxiety building up i'm
just remembering
all the no's that i got
you're not good enough for this and
i don't know hi hi it's so nice
it's very nice to see you and i remember
one of the biggest classes that i took
at berkeley that really had an impact on
me was
the sociology of gender class it just
made me think about a lot of stuff
i guess like what the biggest common
thread
throughout my transition has been this
doubt
which is sad because like i've talked to
a lot of my trans girlfriends and like
they're like i was sure i was positive
this is the right thing and like
i've gotten inklings of that but like as
you you know me i'm very like indecisive
and i'm very like flippant and kind of
like to jump around
you're encapsulating so much of what so
many
trans people experience people who are
not normatively gendered whatever that
means across the genderqueer spectrum
and also people who are cisgendered just
trying to make their way in the world
it's
messy right and not everybody feels
totally sure
it's important for your message and your
story to get out there because i think
the predominant story that we often hear
is a story of a trans person his
experience who talks about being born in
the wrong body they knew it from when
they were four or five years old
and then everything about their life
trajectory was about
fixing that mistake and they were sure
about it and that is not everyone's
experience
and it's important for people to know
that that it can be a bumpy road and
that you can feel unsure at times
that is a human experience that you are
having and that that doesn't then take
away
from your transition story and your
transition experience it's an important
part of that
it's not always smooth and easy and that
you
are internally always completely sure
about what you're doing
and it also means that there's not one
right way
to be trans there's not one right way to
be a feminine
person there's not one right way to be
woman
you're figuring that out for yourself as
you go along
it's like your birth story of who you
are
in this world yeah it feels weird like
it feels like i'm going through puberty
again
and it's terrible like puberty was not
nice the first round and it's
decent this time but still difficult so
i'm visiting
my very good friend here in san
francisco
and it's really nice to like reconnect
with him and kind of hear how he's been
and it's so weird navigating like my
friendships now
as not a man you know it's just like we
have different grounds that we stand on
and i'm just so grateful for him and so
many other my friends
[Applause]
[Music]
hi it's so nice to see you
it's good to see you too it's been a
long time yeah when i started
as an mcc intern i had been involved
through friends basically inviting me to
study inviting me into the space and me
realizing there was such like a magnetic
warmth it wasn't just like
people being nice and polite it was
people actually connecting and engaging
with each other
in ways that i had never really
experienced before the interns are
really special as part of the
multicultural community center because
it's a student one student fought for
space even though folks think it's just
about
racial ethnic communities we actually
see that it's all of us are so many
things all at once right so we talk
about intersectionality
i think i think specifically thinking
about like gender and sexuality
and serving and working with pdpoc
students queer and
trans you know students of color that's
been really vital i'm really interested
to see how the
the conversations we had or the
dialogues
um kind of took root for you and if
they've been helpful for you as you've
been
living your life away from berkeley the
mcc was such a place where like i could
take
all these things that i was learning in
class and actually ground them with
people's lived experiences i was
studying sociology
and thinking about how gender is a
construct and stuff like that but
actually seeing how i
broke down because i couldn't wear what
i wanted or like how you know like just
seeing the emotions and
how visceral these structures actually
become manifested you know yeah the mcc
was such a sacred space for me because
it really
like helped me live my truth the fcc is
not a physical place but
what i see over and over with folks so
graduated all those lessons are
in you already like so really like
you're the sacred place
like we're all the sacred places you
know and so part of it is is giving us
ourselves that opportunity and really
like
you know taking care of yourself as
you're moving through all the different
paths
and journeys that you're gonna take
right so it might be like oh this is
what you're doing right in the second
uh who knows what's gonna happen in uh
six months or
in a year or all those things but hoping
that you're like taking care of yourself
in that sacred way you know crying
am i crying it's perfect it's not a
conversation with me if it doesn't end
crap
don't you remember so i'm really honored
that the mcc is a part of that
and also that you know it's everyone who
comes through it it's not a physical
place it really is
things that you carry and things that
you bring to the space society likes to
tell us that
the power and femininity lies in our
sexuality and our appearance
but what i'm realizing more and more
every single day is that the power and
femininity
really lies in community and in
relationships
and in togetherness
and that's something that i would never
give up for anything
i haven't been feeling very romantic or
sexual at all
and i met somebody tonight and that
might change so who knows if this is
gonna go anywhere but
it's nice for a trans girl to dream
[Music]
you