Okay. So here's the deal I don't know about you, but for me,
and feel free to like challenge me in the comment section below if you want.
But one of the things that was so awkward in my management journey was
definitely having to give someone feedback that their body odour wasn't that
great. And I would say like, under that,
like closely under that is definitely like that whole peer to manager shift.
That's definitely super awkward, right. Having to manage your,
your former peers.
And so if you fall into that category where you're now having to
manage your friends,
then definitely stick around and listen to this video because it's going to be
for you.
I'm going to be sharing some tangible and actionable things that you can do to
make this transition as smoothly as possible.
Hey there, my name is Mak and I'm a leadership and team building coach.
But I work specifically with first-time team managers.
So this is a topic that I get a lot of questions on. Like, I mean,
every day in one way or another, whether that be in, you know,
someone sliding into my DMS on Instagram or on LinkedIn messenger or in my email
inbox,
I get somebody asking me about this very thing where they're feeling like
super awkward about this transition that they have to make from
being friend to now manager. And I know, right? It's,
it's super awkward and it can be made awkward for a couple of reasons. For one,
it could be that you were literally friends with the people on your team
and there's this kind of like unspoken expectation that you're going to now give
them a pass or treat them differently because you guys are buddies.
Or it could be something completely different. Like, you know,
you were maybe friendly with people on your team before, and because of that,
friendliness, you kind of have an understanding of what people are, you know,
want. And one of the things that, you know, that they wanted was your job.
So maybe someone on the team kind of expected to get the promotion instead of
you. And so now there's a little bit of hurt feelings,
which is now making this promotion of yours or this transition into management
of yours a little bit awkward. So I totally get that.
Which is why I wanted to update a previous video that I had on this topic to
give you a little bit more advice that might be helpful in you making this
transition like I said, as smooth as possible. Okay so first things first,
and I know I mentioned this in that previous video of mine, but I mean,
my suggestion still stands, so I'm going to repeat it again.
You have to address the elephant in the room. You know,
my mentor used to say something really important to me each and every time I
would approach him with a situation that I was kind of trying to hide from and
not deal with, which was usually people related. Right? And he would say to me,
listen, Mak, you've already seen the best that this situation is going to be.
And essentially what he was trying to convey to me was that, you know,
this problem is going to continue to be a problem unless you choose to deal with
it. Unless you choose a different. And so the same goes for you,
right? Like you can't hide from this situation,
you're going to have to deal with it. So if there is hurt feelings on the team,
or like some sort of misguided understanding of the expectations that is only
going to be made worse, if you choose to hide from it and not deal with it,
which is why I'm saying you have to address the elephant in the room. Now,
is it going to be hella awkward,
sitting in a room with this person that wanted your job or that is your friend
and expects you to treat them differently? Hells yeah.
But it's also super imperative.
So I want to definitely suggest that you make the commitment to
address the elephant in the room.
So now you've made this commitment to yourself to definitely address the
elephant in the room, even though it might be a little bit awkward. Right?
So now the question on the table is what do you do?
And what do you say in this conversation? So let's take it one at a time.
So let's say it is actually somebody who truly wanted your promotion.
What do you say and what you do with this person? Well,
the first step is to definitely acknowledge that there are some hurt feelings
okay. In one of my previous videos where I discussed what employees want,
one of the things I talk about is the fact that all human beings have this
desire to be seen and to be heard. We all do.
And right now this person that wanted the seat that you're in,
they are feeling unseen and unheard by being passed over for this
promotion.
So now it's your job as their manager to truly step into your role as
leader and be the leader that they need,
which is for you as their manager to see them and to hear them.
So you want to ask them from the very beginning, Hey, Sally, you know,
I wanted to talk to you today because I know that this promotion was something
that you were hoping for, right?
You wanted an opportunity to lead this team and that didn't happen.
And I wanted to talk to you about how you're feeling.
Now I know that's kind of awkward, but it is the right thing to do, right?
Because like I said, you are now their manager now.
So it's your responsibility to give them a space, to be seen and to be heard.
So ask them how they're feeling and then listen. Now, yes,
there's nothing you can do to change the situation because the decision has
already been made and you were chosen for this spot for a reason.
But what you absolutely can do is at least listen to what they have to say.
Not that I'm saying you have to be sorry about this opportunity that you've been
given.
But you do owe it to them to at least listen to what they're saying and listen
to how they're feeling about, uh, this promotion of yours.
I also think it's critical for you to ask two other questions within this
conversation, which is number one - Sally,
what are your specific concerns with me being manager of this team?
And number two - Hey, Sally, you know,
in your expertise and with your experience,
what do you see to be the things that we are really strong at on this team?
And what are the things that you think we need to improve upon?
Oftentimes when I suggest this to my clients,
I get a little bit of pushback because of fear really. Um,
they don't necessarily want to sit there and have to hear what their colleague
has to say about why they don't think they should be the manager of the team.
But here's, you know,
I'm going to tell you the exact same thing that I tell them. First of all,
as a manager, now, you can't really take too many things personally.
Um, and secondly, you know,
you have to now be the manager of everybody.
That means being their manager when they need you the most.
Which means allowing them to voice their concerns. And you know,
it honestly benefits you too, because as you're hearing their concerns,
you can actually address it right there in the room with them.
Or at least keep it in mind as you move forward in your management track.
The other thing it does by just having them voice their concerns right there in
the room with you is it stops them to a certain extent of starting the gossip
mill. Because I'm guarantee you,
if you don't allow them to at least tell you to your face, how they feel, um,
they're going to talk to other people about it and that's not good at all.
But at least with you asking them that question upfront,
what it does is it sends a message and it tells them,
or trains them that if they have an issue with you moving forward,
they should talk to you about it instead of, you know, with everybody else.
So after, you know, you hold space, like I said,
for them to talk about how they feel about this promotion and you give them an
opportunity to, um, express their concerns.
The second part of the conversation is really shifting their mindset to more of
a solutions oriented type of mindset, which is, you know,
through that second question of- Hey,
in your expertise and with your experience,
what do you think we are strongest at?
And what are the things that you think we need to improve on? Now,
the truth of the matter is if this person honestly felt like they were
going to get your promotion,
then that means that they have displayed some sort of capability,
capacity or skillset that is pretty good, right?
It has to be pretty good if they honestly thought they were going to get
promoted. So you, as their manager,
it's actually within your best interest to leverage that expertise and get them
thinking in terms of solutions and get them thinking in terms of, Hey,
I still add value to this team, even though I don't have a quote on quote title.
So it's your job to get them in that mindset,
by asking that question and then leveraging the skillsets and strengths that
they have. Now,
I will say when it comes to having these types of conversations where you know,
hurt feelings are involved, unless you're very lucky, um,
it's not going to be one and done,
you're most likely going to have to have this conversation multiple times before
anything kind of shifts. So I don't want you to give up,
I want you to commit to continuing to have this conversation
until, you know, some sort of shift is made, um, in one way or another.
And what I mean by that is, you know,
either this person will get on board and join you on your
vision in terms of where you're taking this team, or they will decide that,
you know,
a title is more important to them and they feel like their value is wrapped
within that title. In which case they will either leave,
or you will have to let them go because they're not producing the results. Um,
and you know, that's not something to feel bad about. I mean,
it's actually a lot better for someone to be in a role where they feel
productive and where they feel fulfilled rather than to stay in a role where
they, you know, they don't feel like they're gaining the fulfillment.
So I just want you to know to stick with it. Um, you know,
you will have one outcome. Um, I'm,
I just can't tell you which one you will have,
but I definitely think that sticking with it will get you some sort of outcome.
Um, whether that be, like I said,
them getting on board or them eventually walking themselves out the door.
Now I want to switch gears here for a second and talk about the other issue in
that peer to manager shift that is also sometimes an issue,
which is this unclear expectation of what things are going
to look like afterwards. So sometimes, um, friends will kind of think - Hey,
you know, now that you're the manager, um,
I'm going to get a pass or things will be a lot easier for me. Now,
I know this typically happens sometimes on younger teams,
but I do know I have a wide range of you watching this, um, this video.
So I definitely want to make sure I address this. So when it comes to someone,
honestly,
believing that you are going to give them a pass or go easier on
them, um,
it's really important that you set some very clear expectations from the
beginning,
because right now what's actually happening is they're setting expectations on
you rather than you setting expectations on them. So you want to, again,
address the elephant in the room, pull them into a room, you know,
virtually or whatnot and let them know that, listen,
we are friends and, you know, I respect you as my friend.
And I love you so much as my friend,
but me in this role requires that I am always consistent and fair,
which means that, you know,
the dynamics of our relationship are going to have to change. Um,
because I want to maintain my credibility in being consistent and fair.
And again, just like, you know, the other person,
this conversation is going to have to be had probably multiple times.
Because even though you set those boundaries with this individual,
sometimes people will cross boundaries, um,
accidentally or whatever the case might be.
And you're going to have to circle back and let them know - Hey, again,
I know we've had this conversation before,
but I just want you to know that things are changing and I need to be consistent
and fair. And just be firm on that.
And in setting that expectation and that boundary people will eventually
follow your lead on that one. Or again,
they might decide that it's not the role for them, in which case, you know,
that that stinks. If honestly,
a friend of yours is not willing to get on board with that boundary,
but in some cases it does happen.
And then the last thing I think I want to touch on is basically the
importance of you,
making sure that you are establishing your credibility as you are moving into
this role or transitioning from being a peer to a manager. You know,
even if your peers are super excited about you getting this promotion,
they still don't know what to expect, right?
Like it's one thing to be working side by side with somebody,
and then it's something completely different to have them as your boss. And so,
because of that dynamic, like they're not entirely sure what to expect.
You have to make sure that you are working on building your credibility and
credibility is really, and truly based on your competence level.
That's really what it is. And so right now,
if especially if you've never been a manager before then your competence level
in that role is low, right?
Like you might have high competence as an expert,
but in the role of a manager and managing resources and leading people,
the competence level is low.
So you want to make sure that you are building that competence level by getting
the resources that you need, getting the training that you need,
getting the support that you need,
whatever it is that you can do to make sure that you are improving your
competence, which builds your credibility. Now, of course,
right like it's going to take time, this stuff isn't going to happen instantly,
but you want to be showing, um, that you are taking your role seriously.
I think it was in one of my previous videos where I was talking about respect
and gaining respect from your, from your, from your employees that, you know,
if you don't take your role seriously, then you know,
you can't really expect your team members to take your role seriously either.
So you want to demonstrate that you are taking your role seriously by getting
yourself the support that you need to do this job really well. Because,
you know, again, going back to what my mentor said, um,
that I shared at the very beginning,
you've already seen the best that the situation is going to be, right.
And so if you are feeling kind of on shaky ground right now,
or you're feeling flustered, or you're not feeling like, you know,
what you're doing is not going to get better unless you make the choice to do
something different or to take a different approach.
So I want to encourage you to do that.
And if you do decide that you want to make that commitment to make a different
choice and to do something about your current circumstances,
then I highly suggest you check out the details for my free training called how
to build a high-performance team as a new manager.
Because in that I give you a nice blueprint as to exactly the steps that you
should take in order to build that high performance team that you want,
you know, that you're now currently managing.
So I will actually put the information for that free training in the
description box below for you.
So I hope you found this video to be valuable to you,
and you were able to take away a couple of nuggets that you can use in your
transition. Um, no matter how awkward it is, and if you like this video,
please do give it a thumbs up and to subscribe.
So you don't miss out on any other content that I share for first time team
managers on this channel, pretty much every single Tuesday. All right.
I hope you have a fantastic rest of the week.
Do not forget to keep smiling and I'll see you in the night.