INFJs compose of less than 3% of the population. Due to this rarity, they can frequently feel
misunderstood and isolated, particularly in early life, when they haven’t yet developed
the understanding and skills to function in an overly sensing world.
INFJs usually grow up feeling like the the black sheep or the odd ones out in their families.
Their unconventional ways of thinking and being can be hard to relate to for their often
non-intuitive relatives, and their stubborn defiance in not conforming to societal norms,
can end up further complicating dynamics in their families.
INFJs are sensitive, creative souls, who need to feel loved and appreciated in order to
feel good about themselves and their lives. Having their personality type identified early
can greatly help them mature and develop into well functioning INFJs.
They can be better seen and appreciated by their families. Their thought processes and
actions will be better understood. Others will see why they do this or that, and understand
the reasoning behind their little quirks.
In turn, an INFJs whole life can change for the better. They’ll no longer feel like
there is something wrong with them, and they can feel comforted having the language to
finally understand themselves, and have reassurance they’re loved just as they are.
So lets explore; How to Spot an INFJ in EVERY FAMILY
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They will require a lot of alone time
INFJs will often surprise their family by withdrawing from social situations. They can
suddenly become unresponsive and go away, locking themselves in their room and refusing
to acknowledge anyone. However INFJs are not anti-social, they just require time alone
to recharge after being around people, this need will be as instinctual as hunger and
thirst.
It’ll give them an opportunity to focus on their own thoughts and feelings, as well
as reflect on their lives. Without time to process their experiences, INFJs will likely
feel exhausted, moody, and overstimulated.
However as intuitives, they’ll not be vocal about their need for space. They’ll likely
view it as selfish or abnormal, because no one else in their family seems to want to
be on their own. So instead, they’ll force themselves to be social and ‘act normal’
and in the process they’ll likely turn cold distant, and even short-tempered, as they
grow more and more unsettled.
This can be alarming to their relatives who will think they’re irritability is them
being mean, as opposed to experiencing frustration as a result of not having their needs met.
This lack of understanding can lead to a lot of unnecessary tension and confusion.
They’ll always be the people pleasers
Most INFJs are naturally conflict averse, as engaging in conflict threatens their Extroverted
Feeling (Fe) values of group harmony, and stability. As a result they’ll especially
want everything to go smoothly in their families, and they’ll often assume responsibility
for that being so.
INFJs hate causing other people distress or forgetting to do chores, that can lead to
an angry parent, for example. They always attempt to please and satisfy others, and
when they make a mistake, they can be extremely harsh on themselves.
It can be particularly difficult for them to bear their parents' disappointment when
they've not lived up to their expectations. For INFJs who despise tension and conflict,
they can be especially devastated when they feel they’re the cause of friction in their
family. Those they love being angry at them can be a source of tremendous pain for them.
However INFJs, of course, are not always eager to please. This often occurs when an INFJ
feels wronged or is confronted with a particularly egregious injustice.
Due to being hyper sensitive to the harmony levels and emotional needs of others, they
will be irritated by family members who seem tactless, rude, or unnecessarily disruptive.
In situations where someone is corrupting the emotional atmosphere for their own selfish
gains, an INFJ will likely be the first to confront them.
They’ll always be the peace keepers
INFJs, because of their Extroverted Feeling (Fe) function, have a unique ability to absorb
other peoples energies and emotions. They are able to observe peoples body language,
tone of voice, and facial expressions to pick up on hidden meanings, motives, or feelings
that are usually inconspicuous to others.
This ability can be a great gift, but it can also create serious emotional problems for
them, when in chaotic family environments. It can cause them to unconsciously take on
others burdens and negative emotions; such as anger and sadness, and the internal strife
that this causes can be made worse, when they feel completely helpless to do anything about it.
For example; when their parent are fighting, every loud voice, expletive and slammed door
can be acutely jarring, and almost too agonizing to bear. INFJs absorb other peoples emotions
so deeply, they will feel their parents anger and anguish as if it were their own, and the
disharmony they feel in their outer environment will likely last long after the conflict has
subsided.
They’ll likely know what others are feeling and thinking
INFJs are incredibly perspective, especially about the people they care about.
They’re usually quietly observing their family and analyzing their interactions in
order to glean new information about them. INFJ are such insatiable curious learners,
nothing makes them happier than understanding those they love on a deeper level.
They listen and watch, absorbing it all and filing it away in their mind in order to later
access it, and remember this and that about a specific individual. It's like they’re
constantly building a profile of everyone around them, to be stored and later used to
explain certain behaviors.
Because of this, INFJs are able to deeply know people, sometimes better than they know
themselves. So much so, they can have an internal battle of wanting to enlighten a loved one
with the answer to a particular problem they’ve been struggling with. But they sense the family
member is not ready to receive the help and so they refrain, and the waiting for a them
to open up, so they can offer their insights, can be particularly arduous.
INFJ also have to contend with family members not believing their intuitive observations.
For non- intuitive types it can be difficult for them to fathom an INFJs ability to see
patterns in their environment and decipher information not visible to them, and so most
usually end up deeming it too ridiculous, and ignore the advise anyway.
They’ll always be looking to solve problems
As people pleasers, and conflict avoiders, it might not come as a big surprise that INFJs
also tend to have a bit of a savior complex, especially with those they love.
Their natural tendency to nurture and protect sometimes manifest into a need to fix people
and their problems. They want the best for their loved ones and that includes protecting
them from hurt and pain. But INFJs don’t often do this intentionally, there need to
help and make a difference is very instinctual.
While good intentioned, many INFJs can find themselves in very codependent relationships
with their loved ones, and that can be particularly unhealthy when a family member is toxic or
excessively problematic.
Ultimately in problem solving INFJs, want to help others and keep the peace. They want
their loved ones to achieve their potential. The want to see relationships flourish. When
they don’t, they can feel their peoples failures, despair and disappointments, as
if it were their own, and so they want to fix it, even if it mean sacrificing their
own well being to make this happen.
Its quite common for ones family of origin relationships to be complicated, especially
if someone has not had a great upbringing. However this contentiousness can be exceedingly
more intense when one finds themselves as the only INFJ in a family.
With high sensitivity and unconventional ways of thinking, it can be particularly overwhelming
for an INFJ to process and navigate the different personalities, dynamics and emotions in a
family environment.
It is possible for an INFJ to grow and develop into a mentally stable, well-functioning functioning
INFJ even with a terrible upbringing, but it can be made exponentially easier if those
responsible for bringing them up, are aware of their unique struggles and talents, so
they can more effectively guide them to maturity.
Hopefully, this has helped identify the INFJ in your life. Please feel free to add to this
list in the comments.