How to flirt.
This is Clayton Olson and I'm here with Mark Rosenfeld from Make Him Yours.
Pleasure to be here, Sir.
Thanks for having me.
This guy is, I would say, Australia's number one most subscribed to dating coach and he's
got about a quarter million subscribers.
Yes.
I’m very grateful.
And we're here for the first time in Austin together.
Right.
We’re here at Austin the music's playing.
We're having a bunch of fun.
Yes.
It's a good time.
I think it adds some great ambiance to the topic today of how to flirt.
And I'm really excited to cover this with you because you have a really unique way of
distinguishing how to flirt that I think is important.
Everybody, whether you're a man or a woman, should take these principles and adopt them.
Yes.
And whether you're single or way into your relationship, no matter where you are on the
timeline this is crucial.
I actually think Gary Chapman dropped the ball on this one.
I love his work, but I think there is a sixth love language that if it wasn't in our lives
none of us would feel love and experience love, and it's Play.
Being able to connect with someone intimately through play, someone in a casual sense through
play, or even with yourself through play is like the skill of flirting.
That's what flirting is.
Huge.
Maybe you've come across this with the women that you've coached but sometimes dating and
trying to find the one can be such a serious endeavor, right?
To be working thing and this big thing, [it’s] too much.
Have fun.
Right.
How do you enjoy the process?
Right exactly.
How do you enjoy the process?
I mean, do you think that you just want to be with somebody who's like not enjoying their
life, or would you rather spend time with somebody who is making every single moment
fun.
Of course, you catch the other person's vibe, right?
No one's gonna be perfect but John Gottman talks about five to one.
I say this all the time make it fun.
You know make it light.
And you're gonna dive straight into ways to do it on your own, even if you don't have
a partner.
Yes.
Right.
So, just setting the context, if you're single right now, how can you bring more fun playful
flirtatious vibe in your life?
And so, I'd say, that the first thing to do is to look at the places where you are robbing
yourself of fun and playfulness, right.
Where do you have too much stress in your life?
Where are you not making time to connect and find those places, that territory, where you
can be a kid?
Are you constantly thinking about work?
Are you constantly checking things off the list?
Is there places where you can make space into your life to connect with who you are and
enjoy the experience of life?
Because if you're not able to do that on your own, it becomes very hard to do that with
another person.
Yes.
I'll have comments to all sorts of simple things with this.
Sometimes it'll be watch 20 minutes comedy once a night.
Sometimes it'll be spending 10 minutes, have an exercise and you could do this at home
right now.
You pause the video.
Look around the room and get really curious and interested about five things like go and
touch them.
Go and explore them as if through the eyes of a child.
And like I've had clients that are like looking under rugs and just like checking out colors
and being really observant, and they're just getting back to the presence of things that
are in the room that they can make fun.
So, two things you said there that are super important that I want to underscore.
The first one is curiosity.
Bringing curiosity into your life in a way where you stop making assumptions that you
know how things are and you start looking at the world through the eyes of wonder.
And then two, you said presence.
So, bringing presence and curiosity.
You bring that anywhere… are you getting present right now?
Yes.
Just getting present right now.
Look at this guy’s face, you can just find anything anywhere to entertain you.
That's how a child looks at the world.
So, let's move into the second part.
So, this is one way you can do it with improv comedy.
Yes.
Improv pulses are great.
Yes.
Right.
Okay.
And then what would you do now is say you start to date somebody and you're getting
to know them, how can you start to bring this flirtatious vibe into the interaction?
Yes.
Nice.
I love the question.
So, I'm always asking the question, getting my clients to ask the question, how can I
make this fun?
How can I make this fun?
I have a concept I call Deaf Monkey Dating.
And what it basically means is “could I go on a date with a deaf monkey and still
have a great time?”
Like we're here in Austin, there's good vibes there’s music playing, you just kind of
walk outside and there's a good vibe in the air.
Can you create that on your own without the music, without an interesting environment
around you, how can you go about creating that?
I really love getting clients into this because then they enjoy the process of dating and
having fun.
Guys vibe them well and it all flows beautifully from there.
If you want to actually, while I mention it while we're talking about this, if you want
to find more about that I've got The 7 Secrets to Master Modern Dating.
Grab that.
[It’s] totally free.
Download The 7 Secrets to Master Modern Dating.
[The] link is in the description.
Other ways to do this, innuendos.
Throwing in the “that's what she said,” or “that's too big if I only had a dollar.”
Just making it fun and adding things in there that you can add into your days.
Just to add that playfulness misinterpreting like “I go spend a whole bunch of money
and then blame her for spending all my money.”
It makes no sense.
Just to create tension.
It's just fun.
Ultimately, you said this is “how do I entertain myself?”
Like I'll just blame her for my problem because it's funny.
In a fun way, obviously.
And then you've got to apply this into relationships as well because we tend to lose the fun when
things get serious.
And we wonder why dating can be fun or meeting people can be fun but relationships seem serious.
Because again, we lose play.
I love that.
Yes.
What I'm noticing as you're talking is you can have one relationship where everything
feels like work.
Where you get into it and it's like just another job and it's not life giving.
It's in fact just life taking versus how can you create your relationship in your life
into a fountain of youth, or when people are with you and interacting with you they come
out more alive.
This is the key.
This is so profound.
And this applies with your girlfriend of 10 years as well.
Like physical play you know where you said like your girlfriend does weird things where
she jumps on you and they're like move stuff around.
Just to like build the tension and then…
It pisses me off.
It pissed me off, but I can't get mad at her because she does it in such a fun way.
Other things just creating this playfulness everywhere.
We actually talked about text examples.
So those could apply to casual dating or in a relationship as well.
I wanted to pull this text on my phone.
[It’s a] great example from a previous partner.
“I want to see you now.
I need ATTENTION.”
All in caps.
I'm gonna go talk to Marissa.
“She'll laugh at my jokes and give me attention.”
Like it's her playfully expressing a need that would be more like a casual dating scenario.
In a relationship, it's like when you got a girlfriend or boyfriend is like, “Hey.
I'm needy.
Give me attention.
Give you attention.
Go away.
Give me attention.
Give me attention.”
And they're playfully expressing that need.
So if you have a need that's not being met or you just want to connect with your partner.
Do it through play, even if you've been with them [for] ten years.
It's a way to insulate the need with humor yeah and too loud to land in a disarming way
that still gets recognized but doesn't add any of the weight or the gravity of there's
gonna be a fight or something I love that yeah it's beautiful so how to flirt the sixth
love language is how to flirt embrace play get play into your life however way you can
whether you're totally single or deep in a relationship they're more play you can have
in your life the more love you can have in your life so if you want to hear more from
this guy and I'm sure that you do he's filled with wisdom and practical dating advice I
really enjoyed having you on what can our audience do to get in touch with you or to
learn more about who you are and what you do?
Yes.
Cool I'd grab that guide: The Seven Secrets to Master Modern Dating.
We'll put the link in the description below.
That gives a lot of my stuff and you can check out my YouTube channel as well.
I'm sure we can do a link to them.
We'll put all the links in the description below.
Check him out.
Thank you for watching and we'll see in the next video.