- [Narrator] Hi, Psych2goers.
Have you been feeling empty lately?
If you're feeling agitated or confused
about what this lingering emptiness is,
it could be loneliness
and it could mean that you're experiencing it
on a deeper level than you thought.
We'll go through a few signs
that may help you understand
if what you're feeling is deep loneliness.
Number one,
the saying is,
" Misery loves company, not loneliness."
It's fairly logical,
if the equation in your head goes something
like lonely equals one person.
So many people together equals no more loneliness.
Following that,
you'd think that a group of lonely people
getting together would count.
Unfortunately, that equation doesn't take
into account the nuances of how people work
which is to say feelings spread.
What's actually happening is that,
in a group,
the power of loneliness is just getting amplified
instead of canceled out.
How this works is that,
the lonely behaviors don't work in a group
when you're lonely or generally alone,
you don't need to be socially adept
because you're just talking to yourself.
You don't need to be self-aware
because the only person who is observing you,
is you.
Now think of a room
stuffed with all these people who have no idea
how to get along with each other,
suddenly thrust together and told,
make nice.
The end result is more awkwardness,
more hostility, and contempt.
So now on top of the previous feelings,
the lonely people feel rejected.
While it is comforting to think,
this person gets me
and knows what I'm going through.
It may be a better choice
to start hanging with someone
who may have been there
but isn't there currently.
Number two, you start golluming out.
My precious.
Oh, don't worry.
You probably won't start losing your hair
and running around in a linen cloth.
If you do,
and that makes you happy.
No shame in that.
What this point means is that,
a sign of deep loneliness
is when you develop strong attachments
to inanimate objects.
Come to think of it,
gollum was pretty lonely.
Materialism doesn't necessarily cause loneliness.
However, loneliness has a tendency to produce materialism.
This leads to retail therapy cycles.
As when buying that thing makes you
for the briefest of moments feel good.
So you repeat.
And instead of humans to keep you company,
you start hoarding.
You can easily see how this can add up
to debt and diminished savings,
compounding any stress
you may have already been experiencing.
So next time you click the purchase now button,
take a breather.
Ask yourself how or why you need the thing.
And maybe search out less spendy ways
to occupy your time.
Number three,
you feel alone even when you're not alone.
This feeling can be very disorienting
because you logically know you're surrounded
by your entire friend group
and yet still feel isolated and disengaged.
At other times, you may feel alienated and alone.
When you're alone,
you can't talk to anyone because no one is there,
yet when you're with your friends,
you still feel like you can't talk to anyone.
It's like this loneliness
just keeps following you around
no matter who you're with
or who you're not with.
That is super frustrating.
As always, when you've done your best
and you're still finding yourself
without a plan or any solutions,
reach out to someone you trust
or even directly to a professional.
There could be underlying issues
or something others have observed that you haven't.
Number four,
you tend to overshare
when someone is there to listen.
Whoa, TMI.
Do you hear that often?
Have you stepped back and realized,
wow, I met you literally five minutes ago
and I'm suddenly telling you about my childhood traumas.
This response could be a desperate attempt
to use it or lose it,
and points to deep loneliness.
Think of the starving individual
who is finally allowed to sneak into the kitchen
or being super thirsty after hiking
through a desert and coming upon an oasis.
When you get the resource that is missing,
you try to seize it
and use it as much as possible.
After all you think,
you never know when it'll be back again.
So when there's finally someone there
who is willing to listen
and you've been without a kind compassionate ear
for so long,
you gotta share.
People who experience deep loneliness may be worried
that once this person leaves,
there may not be another chance to open up
and connect with someone again.
Number five, you are gollum,
your friends are the one ring.
This ties in directly to the previous point.
This time though,
friends are the resource
and the lonely person's response is to hoard
and imprison them through obsession.
The source could be fear of losing all the friends
or the person having low confidence
in themselves to make new ones.
Either way the behavior is based on,
I have it and I'm keeping it forever.
This is not good and this will backfire.
Friends are people,
people with their own thoughts and wants,
and they will leave.
Because being hoarded and obsessed over
does not mean good times.
Unfortunately, if the only person doesn't realize
they're performing this kind of lonely behavior,
they may simply see it as rejection,
grow more cynical and unpleasant.
Thus making it more difficult to create new friendships.
So you're not making it up in your head.
If that weird feeling is there,
don't ignore it.
Loneliness can happen even when all the outside factors
seem to be in place to combat it.
Did you recognize any of these points made?
Are you seeing any of these behaviors
showing up in someone you know,
who isn't like that normally.
We're all in this together truly.
And if you need to reach out,
we encourage you to do so.
Thanks for watching and see you next time.